Stupid is as Stupid Does

By Saturday afternoon it had become clear that my knee wasn’t going to be sufficiently recovered to allow me to play in today’s soccer game. I wasn’t about to let my body to give me no for an answer; I’d been looking forward to this game for seven weeks, had spent too much of the season injured.

I pulled a Brett Favre.

In the twelve hours before the game, I took ibuprofen and hydrocodone in an effort to alleviate the pain. It worked. To combat the drowsiness these two drugs produced, I consumed a large quantity of caffeine. It worked.

Before the game I warmed up tentatively. Though jumping was painful, I felt I could play the game and help the team. And I did. For fifteen minutes. Then my knee gave out and, through the barrier of drugs I had erected, came a stabbing pain.

My actions leading up this point were foolish, but to my credit I did the right thing and yielded to my body. Cheikh finished the game in the net and did a fine job. I limped around the sideline and cheered the team.

I find that I like goalkeeping now that I’ve had a taste of it. I’d like to play keeper for the FC Saints in the spring, if possible, but I cannot help the team if my body is not strong enough to resist injury. My goal this winter is to become more physically fit, not only continuing my weight loss, but also building strength in my legs.

Meanwhile, I’ve got to do something about this knee. The hydrocodone and ibuprofen have worn off and the knee is causing me a lot of pain.

I’m so stupid sometimes: I thought I was being clever by deceiving my body so that I could play, but I was only being an idiot.


I’m going to miss soccer. I’m also going to miss the post-game bridge games that Mac, Pam, Joel, and I have had the last several weeks.

Still, I’ll have more free time now.

Comments

On 12 November 2002 (07:11 PM),
Pam said:

what do you mean, miss sunday bridge games? now we have ALL day to play!

The Mummy Returns

In June, the gang went to see The Scorpion King. It was a good time: the movie was so bad that it was fun. I recently borrowed The Mummy and The Mummy Returns from Joel so that I could see the first two movies in the series.

The Mummy isn’t bad. It’s no work of art, but it doesn’t pretend to be. Despite some gaping plot holes, it’s a fun flick, the kind where one can just let go and enjoy the ride. It attempts to blend action and humor; for the most part, it succeeds. I watched it twice (once with the director’s commentary).

The sequel, on the other hand, is a festering pile of crap.

It’s the kind of movie in which the eight-year-old kid doesn’t act or speak like an eight-year-old kid, he acts and speaks like an adult. Conversely, the adult who is guarding him doesn’t act like an adult, he acts like a blooming idiot.

The Mummy Returns is the kind of movie in which two dozen bad guys with rifles cannot shoot the small boy from short range when he flees them. (Though you wish that the bad guys would nail the little bastard.)

It’s the kind of movie in which the laws of physics don’t apply. Not even the laws of physics the movie has previously established. The physical laws change on a whim, so one gives up trying to guess what is possible because everything is.

It’s the kind of movie in which mummies can not only outrun a bus, but they can also gain speed in the middle of a jump as they attempt to leap aboard.

It’s the kind of movie in which a man can run up a rising drawbridge and, while the bridge is at a thirty-degree angle, leap twenty feet across to the other side.

It’s the kind of movie in which a flimsy wooden scaffold can topple a massive stone column.

It’s the kind of movie that reuses gags from its predecessor bit-for-bit (wall of Y substance is summoned by bad buy to take out good guy’s flying vehicle; good guy topples X structures like dominoes; “I don’t know what this symbol is!”). Twice it even re-uses gags from earlier in the same movie!

It’s the kind of movie in which things happen simply because they make nice special effects.

It’s the kind of movie in which a drawn gun makes more noise than rattling chains. Swords raised in air, encountering no resistance, slink and chink like scissors.

It’s the kind of movie in which the hot-air balloon that’s been traveling at a snail’s pace for half-an-hour movie time suddenly can outfly a rushing wall of water when the plot calls for it.

It’s the kind of movie in which the editing is so poor that you give up trying to remember whether the good guy was holding his gun in his left hand or his right because you know it’ll just change hands again in a few seconds.

It’s the kind of movie in which the characters wear the same clothes for an entire week of movie time, through battle after battle, yet at the end of the film these clothes look like they’re fresh from the cleaners.

It’s the kind of movie in which the plot makes so little sense that you begin to wonder if it was tacked on as an afterthought, a clothesline on which to hang the action sequences. (It’s as if the writer and/or director (one man is both in this case) designed the set pieces first and then created a story around them.)

It’s the kind of movie that is so impressed with itself that it has slow-motion fight sequences. (I couldn’t help thinking that the movie would be that much shorter if there weren’t any slow-motion fight sequences.)

It’s the kind of movie in which the CGI bad guy at the end looks so fake that you laugh, though you’re sure that wasn’t the response the film’s creators intended. Stop-action animation would be more convincing.

It’s the kind of movie from which I can remember all of this without effort (despite my notoriously poor memory) because these are but few of the many problems.

It’s the kind of movie in which you give up trying to make sense of anything at all and just wish the damn thing would get over with — you glance at the DVD counter and think to yourself, “My God! Are there really forty-five minutes left in this?”

Some films, like The Scorpion King, are so bad that they’re fun. The Mummy Returns isn’t one of them. The Mummy Returns is so bad that it’s awful. It’s Attack of the Clones bad. It’s Devlin-Emmerich bad. And that’s damn bad.

Comments

On 08 November 2003 (05:17 AM),
dowingba said:

When I left the theater after seeing Attack of the Clones, I can only imagine it was with the same awe-struck wonder that people felt when they left the theater after first seeing the original Star Wars. I know, I know, “it’s not Star Wars.” I don’t know what makes a movie “Star Wars” or not, but the effects alone made it worth my while. And while Hayden’s acting was pretty over-the-top soap-opera-ish, I found it strangely chilling.

And Padme (I don’t care how people say it’s spelled, it’ll always be “Padme” (with an accent on the ‘e’ that I can’t make on this cursed laptop) to me) is just hot. And she miraculously hasn’t aged a day in that 10 year span between Episodes! She must be an elf, like on Lord of the Rings.

Speaking of Lord of the Rings. The Two Towers must have Tolkien rolling in his grave. The first time I saw it, while uncomfortably long (in the theater chairs), I thought it had potential. But when I saw it on video 6 months later, I absolutely loathed it.

Oh well, see you in the future.

(P.S. in 2003, the world will be reverted to a desert wasteland and 75% of humanity will perish. Good luck! Happy new year!)

Better Living Through Wireless

I was beginning to believe I’d be able to make it through the rest of the soccer season without another injury. Last week I felt 100% for the first time all season, and this past Sunday was going well, too.

Until.

Until about fifteen minutes into the second half.

FC Saints had played well, managing to hold a 1-1 tie with one of the toughest teams in the league. A striker came blazing down the left side of the field but Brice managed to kick the ball from him, sending it toward our end line. I darted out from the net and booted the ball back upfield, but my momentum carried me to the side. I planted my foot to stop and pain. My knee went *crunch* and I dropped to the ground.

sigh

There is some minor swelling in the knee, and it’s moderately painful. It’s very painful when I try to walk up or down steps and when I try to pivot. Rest, ice, compression, and elevation: these are my friends. Perhaps if I take it easy, the knee will have improved enough that I can play in the game vs. Reed on Sunday, the game I’ve been looking forward to for seven weeks.


How’s the novel coming along?

It isn’t.

I have the plot mapped in my head but I have exactly zero words written.


Better living through wireless:

  • Thursday, Kris and I went to see Spirited Away but we couldn’t find the Fox Tower theater. Also, we realized that we needed to send e-mail to Aimee. We had the iBook with us so we drove around until we found a wireless node (it didn’t take much driving) and we sent the email and we googled the theater’s address. Awesome!
  • I loaned my PC laptop to Joel, forgetting to update my fantasy football league before doing so. (The fantasy football league’s software is currently only installed on the laptop.) Sunday morning, before the soccer game, I unborrowed the laptop from Joel and drove around until I found another wireless node, and then I ftped the league database and uploaded this week’s lineups to the web site. Awesome!

Dave, in true lawyer fashion challenged me on “leeching” wireless bandwidth:

Do you know that you were using a public node? If not, don’t you think that you’re trespassing by using someone else’s property/equipment/bandwidth? After all, if I left my front door unlocked does that make it right to wander into my house and plug your computer into my switch and start surfing the net?

Food for thought, yes — and we exchanged several long emails on this topic — but not enough to make me believe that use of a publicly accessible wireless node is a Bad Thing.


Kris and I rewatched Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone. It’s better than I remember it, though the ending is still too noisy and spastic.

Comments

On 05 November 2002 (09:51 AM),
mac said:

hope your knee feels better. Knees are tough to heal in my experience. Minor injuries to ligaments take long periods of time due to a lack of blood supply. Hopefully this is not the case for you and you’ll be ready to go against the “–ther —-ers” from Reed.

I don’t know if I’d like someone using my wireless access for their own personal use especially if they could access my computer files.



On 04 December 2002 (11:37 PM),
Ron Roth said:

To get to the Fox Tower Theater take I-5 to I-405, take the 6th street exit and get in the left lane and stay in it until you have to turn left. After turning left, the Fox Tower is the entire 2nd block on the right. It sits between Broadway and Park and the theater entrance is on the Park Street side of the building.

Life of Pi

I should be reading Moby Dick for book group, but I’m not. I’m reading Yann Martel’s Life of Pi instead.

I had heard the book was about a boy shipwrecked on an island with a menagerie. So far it’s about a boy who a) dabbles in the three major religions and b) lives and plays in his father’s zoo in southern India.

Still, I like it.

The protagonist, Pi, is an intensely curious boy. He is surrounded by Hindus, Muslims, Christians. He even encounters atheists and agnostics:

�Atheists are my brothers and sisters of a different faith, and every word they speak speaks of faith. Like me, they go as far as the legs of reason will carry them — and then they leap.

I’ll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.

Pi cannot choose one religion. He likes them all.

He is born Hindu:

I am a Hindu because of sculptured cones of red kumkum powder and baskets of yellow turmeric nuggets, because of garlands of flowers and pieces of broken coconut, because of the clanging of bells to announce one’s arrival to God, because of the whine of the reedy nadaswaram and the beating of drums, because of the patter of bare feet against stone floors down dark corridors pierced by shafts of sunlight, because of the fragrance of incense, because of flames of arati lamps circling in the darkness, because of bhajans being sweetly sung, because of elephants standing around to bless, because of colourful murals telling colourful stories, because of foreheads carrying, variously signified, the same word — faith. I became loyal to these sense impressions even before I knew what they meant or what they were for�.

But religion is more than rite and ritual. There is what the rite and ritual stand for. Here too I am a Hindu. The universe makes sense to me through Hindu eyes. There is Brahman, the world soul, the sustaining frame upon which is woven, warp and weft, the cloth of being, with all its decorative elements of space and time. There is Brahman nirguna, without qualities, which lies beyond understanding, beyond description, beyond approach; with our poor words we sew a suit for it — One, Truth, Unity, Absolute, Ultimate Reality, Ground of Being — and we try to make it fit, but Brahman nigura always bursts the seams. We are left speechless. But there is also Brahman saguna, with qualities, where the suit fits. New we call it Shiva, Krishna, Shakti, Ganesha; we can approach it with some understanding; we can discern certain qualities — loving, merciful, frightening — and we feel the gentle pull of relationship. Brahman saguna is Brahman made manifest to our limited senses, Brahman expressed not only in gods but in humans, animals, trees, in a handful of earth, for everything has a trace of the divine in it.

Although Pi is born Hindu, he is drawn to other religions:

I was fourteen years old — and a well-contented Hindu — when I met Jesus Christ on a holiday.

[Father Martin] served me tea and biscuits in a tea set that tinkled and rattled with every touch; he treated me like a grown-up; and he told me a story. Or rather, since Christians or so fond of capital letters, a Story.

And what a story. The first thing that drew me in was disbelief. What? Humanity sins but it’s God’s Son who pays the price? I tried to imagine father saying to me, “Piscine, a lion slipped into the llama pen today and killed two llamas. Yesterday another one killed a black buck. Last week two of them ate the camel. The week before it was painted storks and grey herons. And who’s to say for sure who snacked on our golden agouti? The situation has become intolerable. Something must be done. I have decided that the only way the lions can atone for their sins is if I feed you to them.”

“Yes, father, that would be the right and logical thing to do. Give me a moment to wash up.”

“Halleluhah, my son.”

“Hallelujay, father.”

What a downright weird story. What peculiar psychology.

The chapter in which Pi becomes a Christian is especially well-written and it is difficult to pick any one piece to excerpt; it all flows together in a beautiful, orderly manner, representing the thought process that leads him to add Christianity to his Hindu beliefs.

After becoming a Christian, Pi also becomes a Muslim:

[The baker] was explaining to me how the bread baked on these heated pebbles when the nasal call of the muezzin wafted through the air from the mosque. I knew it was a call to prayer, but I didn’t know what it entailed. I imagined it beckoned the Muslim faithful to the mosque, much like bells summoned us Christians to church. Not so. The baker interrupted himself mid-sentence and said, “Excuse me.” He ducked into the next room for a minute and returned with a rolled-up carpet, which he unfurled on the floor of his bakery, throwing up a small storm of flour. And right there before me, in the midst of his workplace, he prayed. It was incongruous, but it was I who felt out of place. Luckily, he prayed with his eyes closed.

He stood straight. He muttered in Arabic. He brought his hands next to his ears, thumbs touching the lobes, looking as if he were straining to hear Allah replying. He bent forward. He stood straight again. He fell to his knees and brought his hands and forehead to the floor. He sat up. He fell forward again. He stood. He started the whole thing again.

Why, Islam is nothing but an easy sort of exercise, I thought. Hot-weather yoga for the Bedouins. Asanas without sweat, heaven without strain.

“What’s your religion about?” I asked.

His eyes lit up. “It is about the Beloved,” he replied.

I challenge anyone to understand Islam, its spirit, and not to love it. It is a beautiful religion of brotherhood and devotion.

The presence of God is the finest of rewards.

Eventually:

After the “Hellos” and the “Good days”, there was an awkward silence. The priest broke it when he said, with pride in his voice, “Piscine is a good Christian boy. I hope to see him join our choir soon.”

My parents, the pandit and the imam looked surprised.

“You must be mistaken. He’s a good Muslim boy. He comes without fail to Friday prayer, and his knowledge of the Holy Qur’an is coming along nicely.” So said the imam.

My parents, the priest and the pandit looked incredulous.

The pandit spoke. “You’re both wrong. He’s a good Hindu boy. I see him all the time at the temple coming for darshan and performing puja.”

My parents, the imam and priest looked astounded.

“There is no mistake,” said the priest. “I know this boy. He is Piscine Molitor Patel and he’s a Christian.”

“I know him too, and I tell you he’s a Muslim,” asserted the imam.

“Nonsense!” cried the pandit. “Piscene was born a Hindu, lives a Hindu and will die a Hindu!”

The three wise men stared at each other, breathless and disbelieving.

Lord, avert their eyes from me, I whispered in my soul.

All eyes fell upon me.

So: although has not yet provided the promised shipwreck with a menagerie of animals (is “menagerie of animals” redundant?), I like it. The book is well-written, entertaining and thoughtful.

Comments

On 26 November 2003 (02:59 PM),
Icedragon said:

This is a wonderful, amazing, enlightening book. It has made me believe in God, thank you Martel, thank you Richard Parker, thank you Pi!

On 02 February 2005 (03:17 PM),
Kat said:

This book has the most amazing quotes… the insight is deeper than any mere mortal can hope to percieve. I cannot say that I loved the book, or even its plot but its message and theme are more moving than most. Read for detail for it is in these aspects that true feeling of the book is communicated.

The Lee Shore

Things you learn as an uncle:

When your nephew, in a fit of orneriness, spits all over your corn dog, the correct response is not to say, “Fuckin’ A!”

oops


Here is my favorite chapter (so far) from Moby Dick:

CHAPTER 23
The Lee Shore

Some chapters back, one Bulkington was spoken of, a tall, newlanded mariner, encountered in New Bedford at the inn.

When on that shivering winter’s night, the Pequod thrust her vindictive bows into the cold malicious waves, who should I see standing at her helm but Bulkington! I looked with sympathetic awe and fearfulness upon the man, who in mid-winter just landed from a four years’ dangerous voyage, could so unrestingly push off again for still another tempestuous term. The land seemed scorching to his feet.

Wonderfullest things are ever the unmentionable; deep memories yield no epitaphs; this six-inch chapter is the stoneless grave of Bulkington. Let me only say that it fared with him as with the storm-tossed ship, that miserably drives along the leeward land. The port would fain give succor; the port is pitiful; in the port is safety, comfort, hearthstone, supper, warm blankets, friends, all that’s kind to our mortalities. But in that gale, the port, the land, is that ship’s direst jeopardy; she must fly all hospitality; one touch of land, though it but graze the keel, would make her shudder through and through. With all her might she crowds all sail off shore; in so doing, fights ‘gainst the very winds that fain would blow her homeward; seeks all the lashed sea’s landlessness again; for refuge’s sake forlornly rushing into peril; her only friend her bitterest foe!

Know ye now, Bulkington? Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

But as in landlessness alone resides highest truth, shoreless, indefinite as God- so better is it to perish in that howling infinite, than be ingloriously dashed upon the lee, even if that were safety! For worm-like, then, oh! who would craven crawl to land! Terrors of the terrible! is all this agony so vain? Take heart, take heart, O Bulkington! Bear thee grimly, demigod! Up from the spray of thy ocean-perishing- straight up, leaps thy apotheosis! Good stuff!

Comments

On 02 November 2002 (03:26 PM),
Tammy said:

One time I watched the true story of Moby Dick on the history channel. It was fascinating! I probably wouldn’t have watched it but my husband wanted to see it and at that time we only had one TV so that meant I watched it too. Now I’m glad I did. After reading through your page I find the style too laborious to follow. But I do like how descriptive it is. Altho as mother of two busy kids and defender of my household I just could not find the time to read that these days. Happy reading to you tho.

Halloween Humbug

I don’t like Halloween. It’s my least-favorite non-fabricated holiday. I don’t like what Halloween is about: tricks and treats. It sends an inappropriate message to children. (And I’m a humbug about dressing up in costumes.)

Kris and I won’t even be home tonight to hand out candy little ghosts and goblins tonight. We’re going to see Spirited Away (trailer), which is Halloweeny in its own sort of way.


There is at least one aspect of Halloween I do enjoy: ghost stories. Here’s one of the first I can remember hearing…

The Velvet Ribbon
by Ann McGovern

Once there was a man who fell in love with a beautiful girl. And before the next full moon rose in the sky, they were wed.

To please her husband, the young wife wore a different gown each night. Sometimes she was dressed in yellow; other nights she wore red or blue or white. And she always wore a black velvet ribbon around her slender neck.

Day and night she wore that ribbon, and it was not long before her husband’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Why do you always wear that ribbon?” he asked.

She smiled a strange smile and said not a word.

At last her husband got angry. And one night he shouted at his bride. “Take that ribbon off! I’m tired of looking at it.”

You will be sorry if I do,” she replied, “so I won’t.”

Every morning at breakfast, the husband ordered his wife to remove the black velvet ribbon from around her neck. Every night at dinner he told her the same thing.

But every morning at breakfast and every night at dinner, all his wife would say was, “You’ll be sorry if I do. So I won’t.”

A week passed. The husband no longer looked into his wife’s eyes. He could only stare at that black velvet ribbon around her neck.

One night as his wife lay sleeping, he tiptoed to her sewing basket. He took out a pair of scissors.

Quickly and quietly, careful not to awaken her, he bent over his wife’s bed and

SNIP!

went the scissors, and the velvet ribbon fell to the floor. And

SNAP!

off came her head.

It rolled over the floor in the moonlight, wailing tearfully: “I…told…you…you’d…be…s-o-r-r-y!”

My sister, Shelley, had this story on a 45 when I was in the third grade. It scared the hell out of me, but I listened to the story over and over and over again.


The Better Business Buerau just called me here at Custom Box Service. They gave me a highly polished, though gentle, sales pitch which was little different from the telemarketing calls I receive every day.

To whom does one report the Better Business Bureau if one is unhappy with their business practices?

Comments

On 31 October 2002 (01:38 PM),
Dana said:

I did not know you had a sister.

I can’t remember you EVER mentioning a sister.

On 01 November 2002 (11:04 AM),
Dana said:

Does this mean you like Halloween less than you like Christmas? I thought Christmas was at the bottom of the heap with you, holiday-wise…

On 01 November 2002 (11:07 AM),
J.D. said:

Ah. Good point. I hate Christmas so much that I had blocked it from my mind…

On 13 October 2004 (08:52 AM),
Kathy said:

I, too, had the 45 of “The Black Velvet Ribbon.” I would love to find an audio copy of it. I’ve been researching online but haven’t found one. any ideas?
thanks

On 30 October 2004 (12:31 PM),
Deb said:

I’ve got an mp3 for The Velvet Ribbon!

Friday Grab Bag

Jeremy and Jennifer and Harrison and Emma came over last night to test a candidate dish for Friend Thanksgiving. (The test was very successful, by the way: Caprial’s fantastic smoked salmon chowder.) At the end of the evening, Harrison (nearly four) and Emma (just two), in pajamas, chased each other around and around and around the kitchen, laughing and cackling, bursting with childish vigor. Jenn says she can’t remember being that rambunctious as a child. I can.

Jeff and Tony and I used to play the same games: chasing each other and squealing and loving every minute of it — we had no cares in the world. Now our adult version of this game is sitting around Custom Box, telling stories and insulting each other.


It’s been a few weeks since I shared interesting links. You didn’t have anything else to do today anyhow, right? (As usual, many of these links were found at the in-decline-but-still-fun Metafilter.)


Mac and Pam are hosting game night tomorrow. We’re supposed to arrive in costume, but I haven’t any ideas. We’re already doing costumes for next month’s Harry Potter premier. I’m not fond of costumes in the first place, so trying to find two suitable disguises in one month is testing the limits of my resourcefulness!

Comments


On 26 October 2002 (08:29 AM),
Jeremy Gingerich said:

Hey, I think you should go as a soccer goalie. This requires no funny costume making and you already have all fo the stuff. I hope your not offended by my bad email address and website.

-jeremy

october

November is National Novel Writing Month, and I’ve considered joining the exercise, possibly writing from a woman’s perspective. The following is the only piece I’ve ever written from a woman’s perspective, and it’s fourteen years old now:

october

knock knock so i let you in you wet you drip dripping shiver from the rain cold night outside face red corners hanging frowning anger frowning i close the door wind howls outside warm fire inside you pull back hood hair is anyhow wet long and black and shining like onyx shiny hair i love to stroke when i hold you nakedly your weight pinning me to the earth pressing but you are not naked you are here and wet and say give it to me laura your words like needles prickly prickly poke me hurt me lose my balance teetering but i will not fall i catch myself turn on my heel and flutter to the couch leaving you drip dripping on new rug looking like melting popsicle silly i sit skirt floats to knees dainty dainty o so pretty you tell me you love when i wear skirts i lift book note the place look at you thoughtfully do not crack be strong laura say to what are you referring dean my love voice good like rich woman high class perfectly perfect gaze stare your eyes are black as coal god i love those eyes when we make love deep i float in them floating like in peace in time in space in waves but now they burn stare fiery gaze do not drop my guard do not fall you stony faced angry drip dripping sniff nose dont play games with me so serious your voice like you are an adult a man you are only a boy dean so young so pretty your hair your eyes your arms are nets your back an anvil your thighs a vice your hips mine you are firm you are soft you glide when we make love you glide sigh laura ease air gently i look at you just the right face drop my rigid eyes disappointed cant i be trusted lightning flashes boom thunder boom crashes you are standing in my doorway dripping on my new rug puddle of wetness beneath your face is tense is full of passion red and eyes hair are black and wet and you are wet and smooth i will make love to you i stand come here dean i retrace my path stand before you stare eyes black fiery burning im falling falling no catch myself hold on will not fall my arms around your wetness calculated seconds waiting your eyes unchanging falling help me kiss him laura i kiss you biting kissing hard your lips are so beautiful but you do not kiss back dripping on my rug i look your eyes are burning black fiery my blouse my skirt im wet no drip dripping soggy like cornflakes you stand before me still face still red no longer from cold your face still red angry angry raise an arm i turn my head cheek cracks meets hand pain falling crying i fall o dean o dean o dean crying dripping on the floor i am crying tears and rain drip dripping face is burning only want to love you only want you to love me i didnt mean to take it i sputter crying dripping myself curled on the floor you tower above me tall and handsome so young you are a boy give it to me you scream your eyes glare burning give it back no need to yell i am falling nothing to grasp nothing to catch o dean i am crawling to the bureau oak drawers oak frame shiny shiny like your hair your eyes your nakedness third drawer up slowly open reach inside crying falling slowly like an instant replay i pick up your heart your heart red bloody muscle organ pump giver of life hamburger raw your heart you must love me you must love me o dean i cry you stride wetly to my side footprints black on the hardwood floor you watch i lift your bruised heart take it out im falling wont you catch me dean hold me catch me do not let me cry i am falling and you grab my wrist grab your heart snatching it stealing it o dean please dont leave me only a piece i beg you take you take you hold you swallow it stare at me once more eyes burning fiery fiery o dean please dont i can feel you bursting feel your violence and you whisper come laura lets make love you gently catch my fall

Strange, eh?

Comments

On 21 October 2002 (09:56 PM),
Tammy said:

Yikes I have a headache. I must not be fully woman because that went way over my head. I’m left with only one thought. Either JD is clueless about the dynamics of the English language or JD is so brilliant that I in my stupidity cannot understand him. Beings there is strong Roth blood flowing through you I’m left to wonder if the latter conclusion is closer to the truth. Good work JD!….I think.

On 22 October 2002 (06:21 AM),
J.D. said:

Actually, when I was in college I played with the English language a great deal, much to the dismay of certain professors. At the end of my freshman seminar I had to write a long, comprehensive paper demonstrating that I’d assimilated everything the seminar had been trying to teach us. I wrote my paper by hand using four colors of ink and a bizarre Plato-esque dialogue format. My professor refused to grade it. In one religion class, I wrote a paper on Job’s suffering using Biblical chapter-and-verse format. It was my religion professor who suffered. Later I turned in a paper to him that used no capitalization and which replaced standard punctuation characters with inventions of my own.

I went through a phase in which I thought could express my individuality by breaking free from the stifling confines of English grammar.

That was a long time ago.

Fall Thoughts

A long, hot bath on a Saturday morning is my favorite way to fight a lingering cold. If Kris decides to put U2 in the CD player, so much the better.

Ah. My inner core is warmed.


I’ve spent several hours this week editing fifty minutes of footage from last Sunday�’s soccer game. My goal was to create a single four- or five-minute montage set to music, but my editing skills aren’�t keen enough yet. The montage is ten minutes long and set to three songs (“Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba, “Crash” by the Pixies, and “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths). A lot of rough footage remains in the movie, but it’s more fun to have it there than to take it out.

After working with iMovie for eight to ten hours, I retract my earlier casual dismissal of the software. Perhaps there are better applications for video editing, but certainly none can match the price. And iMovie is full-featured enough for me to create films with which I am quite happy.

Spending so long with footage of FC Saints reinforces how much I enjoy playing soccer with this team. We may not be skilled — in fact we all have glaring weaknesses — but we play with enthusiasm and “heart”. We have a good chance to earn a win or two during the final four weeks of the season.


In the fall and winter, Kris and I occasionally buy hams and sausages from Voget Meats in Hubbard. Voget’s is an example of the type of business I try to support: it’s small, family owned, and has been in the community for seventy years. Their meats are outstanding. When I was a child, it was a treat when Dad would bring home sausage from Voget’�s and fry it for dinner.

When I bought the ham for tonight’s book group, the woman told me, “This is a great ham.” I don’t know what she meant by that. How can she tell it’s great? What makes this ham better than any other ham from Voget’s?

Kris and I just put the ham in the oven. It smells delicious: smoky and salty and, well, porky. This afternoon is going to be fantastic as the aroma of the ham fills the house.

Fall is here.


This autumn is a little unusual for Oregon: it is clear and warm during the day, cool and crisp at night. It’s typical fall weather for many parts of the country, but not so much for Oregon. By this time in October, we’ve usually had nearly an inch-and-a-half of rain, and the days have turned cool, with highs in the low sixties. This October we’ve only had about half and inch of rain, nearly all of which fell on the third. In five out of the past six days the high temperature has exceeded seventy degrees; it was eighty degrees on Wednesday, a record high!

I’m sure that rain is just around the corner.


This afternoon I walked over to the high school and practiced punting the soccer ball. When I was satisfied with my progress, I sprawled on the grass and basked in the dull October sun. It was quiet. Birds chirped in the woods. A fly buzzed. Somewhere in one of the housing developments somebody revved a chainsaw. I was alone. On the field. In the sun.

It was quiet.

I felt fine.

Two boys interrupted my reverie by jogging out of the woods and onto the field, passing an orange soccer ball between them. Their talk was filled with plans for the future. I sat up, smiled at them, picked up my gear, and walked home.


Last night at Powell’s I was transfixed by the Atlas of Oregon for twenty minutes, yet barely read ten pages. The book is fantastic, filled with facts and figures, charts and graphs, every piece of information about Oregon one could possibly desire. I must have this book.

Comments

On 19 October 2002 (03:44 PM),
ks said:

how did the ham taste?

On 20 October 2002 (09:40 PM),
Bill Conwell said:

Did a Google search for Voget’s today, and this page topped the list.

‘Came across Voget’s from smoked beef they donate to the annual Mennonite Fall Festival — a fundraiser held in Albany last weekend. We’ve enjoyed the thinly sliced beef before, but the labeled bag has always been discarded before I made a note of the source. This time I resolved to do better, so entered the Voget name in my organizer so I can make a personal visit next time I’m down Hubbard way.

Kudos to Voget’s for their support of Mennonite relief efforts.

On 21 October 2002 (01:28 PM),
jeff said:

I think Custom Box Service needs to buy a copy of the Atlas of Oregon. :-)

On 21 October 2002 (02:16 PM),
Tammy J said:

I too love Powell books. I haven’ been there in a bout 6 years though. It’s just not the place to go with kids in tow. But thanks for reminding me of the pleasures I once knew! Lol

Best Salsa Ever

Last winter Kris and Jenn bought me and Jeremy each a copy of the Cook’s Illustrated cookbook, The Best Recipe. We haven’t tried many recipes from the book yet, but we’re beginning to believe we should.

Kris recently tried the book’s recipe for fresh salsa. It’s fantastic. Subtle, flavorful, delicious.

Here’s the recipe from the book, followed by our modifications:

Fresh Red Table Salsa

  • 3 large very ripe tomatoes (~2#), cored and diced small
  • 1/2 cup tomato juice
  • 1 small jalapeno or other fresh chile, minced (remove seeds for mild salsa)
  • 1 medium red onion, diced small
  • 1 medium garlic clove, minced
  • 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro, minced
  • 1/2 cup juice from 4 medium limes
  • salt to taste

Blend every thing together in blender or food processor. Put the salsa in the fridge for 8+ hours (the longer the better). Enjoy!

Things we have learned with this recipe:

  • Be careful with the lime juice. Too much lime juice spoils the flavor.
  • If, like me, you’re not a fan of cilantro, be sure the leaves are chopped fine. You may want to reduce the cilantro to just 1/4 cup.
  • For optimum flavor, follow J.D.’s Rule of Garlic: “Always add five times the amount of garlic called for by the recipe.” In this case, use five cloves of garlic instead of one clove. You’ll thank me for it later.
  • To vary the heat of the salsa, alter the number of chiles (in particular, the quantity of seeds from the chiles). Kris doesn’t like hot salsa, so we don’t use any chile seeds. It tastes fantastic even without them.

Try this salsa. You’ll be glad you did.