How to Live a Life You Love

For a long time, I was unhappy. I was fat, broke, and miserable. Maybe I was depressed, I’m not sure. Whatever the case, I didn’t like my life, and I wanted something better. I waited and waited but nothing ever improved.

Eventually I hit bottom. I wasn’t willing to allow myself to sink any lower, so I decided to make some changes.

I started by taking control of my finances. I began to read about saving and investing. As I read, I put what I learned into practice. It didn’t happen overnight — in fact, it took years — but I paid off my credit cards and put money into savings. Today, I’m debt-free and have a substantial nest egg.

After putting my financial house in order, I decided to take control of my fitness. I began to read about exercise and nutrition. As I read, I put what I learned into practice. Again the changes happened slowly, but they did happen. Within a couple of years, I had lost fifty pounds and put on muscle. More importantly, I’d changed my eating habits and made exercise a part of my daily life.

Fitness is one of my daily priorities.

It’s been said that success breeds success. That was certainly true in my case. Each positive change I made helped me to understand that I could make other positive changes. I realized that nobody cares more about my life than I do. If I want to be happy, I need to be in charge of that happiness. I can’t wait for anyone (or anything) to bring it to me.

I am responsible for my own well-being. And you are responsible for yours.

As children, we’re conditioned that we need permission to do things. You need permission from your parents to leave the dinner table or to go outside and play. You need permission from your teacher to go to the bathroom.

Even as adults, we often feel we need permission. You need permission from your boss to leave work early. You need permission from your spouse to hang out with your friends instead of cleaning the bathroom.

Like many folks, I grew up with an external locus of control. I thought my fate was largely determined by the people and events around me. This wasn’t a conscious belief, but it was always there, underlying everything I felt and did. As a result, I waited for things to happen. I needed permission to take risks or to try new things.

That’s no longer the case.

After you’ve reclaimed your life, help others reclaim theirs…

I’ve spent the past ten years reclaiming my life. I’ve shifted to an internal locus of control. I’ve come to realize that I’m in charge of my own destiny, and that it’s my responsibility to live a life I love. This means that I need to:

Avoid excuses.
Ask for what I want.
Own my decisions.
React constructively to adversity.
Collect (and take advantage of) opportunities.
Let go of the things that no longer work.
Ignore the opinion of others.
Act — even when I’m afraid.

If you’re unhappy, nobody else is going to make things better for you. You have to make things better for yourself. Concentrate on the things you can control, and use that control to fix the other things that are broken. This will grant you even more control over your future well-being.

You live in a world of your own creation. You have the power of choice. You create your own certainty. Live your life as you want to live it, and do so without regret. Give yourself permission to do so.

Caveat: It’s okay to change jobs or to move to San Diego. It’s not okay to steal your neighbor’s television or to drive on the wrong side of the highway. Remember the Golden Rule. Do what you want insofar as you’re not harming others.

The Gift Economy and Social Capital

On Friday, Kim and I had dinner with Jason and Kyra Bussanich. Jason is a chiropractor in Lake Oswego and his wife Kyra owns a popular gluten-free bakery. (Kyra also won an episode of Food Network’s “Cupcake Wars”.)

Over dinner, we touched briefly on the notion of a gift economy. Wikipedia has a great definition of this concept:

A gift economy is a mode of exchange where valuables are given without an explicit agreement for immediate or future rewards. In contrast to a barter economy or a market economy, social norms and custom govern gift exchange, rather than an explicit exchange of goods or services for money or some other commodity. Gift exchange is frequently “embedded” in political, kin, or religious institutions.

The next day, Kim and I joined Kyra and her mother to see the Dalai Lama speak at an environmental summit here in Portland. At one point, the moderator posed this question to the panelists: “On some level, the human experience is all about consumption. Life lives by consuming life. But how do we moderate our consumption to reasonable levels?” All of the answers seemed very similar:

Oregon governor John Kitzhaber said the challenge is to build an economic system that is not built on the assumption of unlimited growth and unlimited consumption. He pointed out (as I often have) that beyond a certain level, increased income does not increase happiness. Kitzhaber also stressed the importance of social capital, the mutual goodwill we create when we interact with our friends and neighbors.

Environmental activist David Suzuki said that because of the effects of the Great Depression, “The engine of our economy runs on consumption, and we don’t focus on the things that truly make us happy. We think of prosperity in a weird way. It’s not our things that make us wealthy — it’s our family and it’s our friends.” [For the record, studies show that health and the quality of personal relationships are the best predictors of personal happiness.]

Andrea Durbin, executive director of the Oregon Environmental Council, joined the chorus. “We need to make better choices every day so that our economy isn’t driving by our consumption habits,” she said. “Consuming less will not only help our environment but improve our quality of life.”

And, of course, the Dalai Lama took a very buddhist approach to the question of happiness: “Inner wealth is most important,” he said, “and that comes from human relationships. The ultimate source of a happy life and a peaceful life is within ourselves, not money.”

The Dalai Lama actually has a great sense of humor. I like him.

A supplemental economy

As I listened to the panelists respond to this question, I was again reminded of the gift economy. This is a concept I first discovered while reading Kim Stanley Robinson’s science-fiction trilogy about the colonization of Mars. In the second book, Green Mars, the colonists grapple with constructing a new economy, one that’s neither capitalist nor socialist, but something more sustainable. As part of that, a sort of background gift economy emerges where individual outposts share their surplus with others. It’s an important part of a larger economic model.

There are some obvious pragmatic problems to the gift economy. It’s a utopian ideal that operates best in the rarified air of argument and hypothesis, and is less likely to succeed (let alone be implemented) in the real world.

But while such a system might not be practical for an actual global (or national or municipal) economy, a culture of gift-giving can be an excellent supplemental economy, a voluntary means of building mutual goodwill among family, friends, and neighbors. A gift economy builds social capital, bringing communities closer together.

Some examples:

If I have things that I do not use (as is often the case), and I pass these things on to people who will use them, I’m increasing their wealth and happiness at no cost to myself. This isn’t necessarily an altruistic action, but it is an action that improves the overall wealth of the community.

When I give, whether time or material goods, to another person, I’m not just improving her physical life. I’m also creating, for lack of a better term, positive mental energy. I’m fostering mutual goodwill.

When a group of people give together — especially when they give time — the result is often greater than the sum of the parts. Just as a group mentality can feed negative emotions and lead to negative consequences, the same group mentality can have positive results. After the Boston Marathon bombing, media outlets trumpeted the actions of the folks who rushed toward danger in order to help the wounded. My colleagues Nate St. Pierre and J. Money founded a group called Love Drop, a “a micro-giving network of people who unite as a community to help one person or family a month”. Etcetera.

Though I haven’t used it myself, I hear that FreeCycle is a great example of the gift economy. Here’s the group’s mission statement: “Our mission is to build a worldwide gifting movement that reduces waste, saves precious resources & eases the burden on our landfills while enabling our members to benefit from the strength of a larger community.”

Note: Here’s a short essay on how gift culture builds reputation among computer programmers.)

The extraordinary power of compound kindness

We don’t need to sacrifice our own interests to participate in the gift culture or to generate social capital. It’s not a zero-sum game. Often, we can create win-win situations that allow everyone involved to profit.

The older I get, the more I’m convinced of the importance of social capital.

Social capital comes from building a broad network of relationships, a network that you can draw upon to help yourself and help others. This isn’t networking in the smarmy, slimy sense, but in the authentic “I’m your neighbor and your friend” sense. A complex network of people will have thousands (millions!) of connections, creating a powerful web of support. (You can see great examples of this in Ben Franklin’s autobiography and in Keith Ferrazzi’s Never Eat Alone.)

These networks are usually built through everyday kindnesses. These actions compound (just like compound interest) to yield larger returns in the future.

The broader your circle of friends, the bigger your family, the better you know your neighbors, and the more involved you are in your community, the more social capital you have. (And the more social capital you contribute to others — it’s a reciprocal thing!)

“Building community is the adhesiveness that holds us together as a society. Without community, we break down into individual consumers.” — John Kitzhaber

Video: Random Acts of Kindness in Russia

A couple of years ago, during that period in which I thought I wanted to have dozens of sites devoted to dozens of topics, I started a blog called Awesome People.

Awesome People was designed as an antidote to all of the negative news on the web (and elsewhere). Every day, we’re bombarded by stories that highlight the worst of human nature. People can’t get enough of watching the misfortune of others.

Well, I don’t like it.

In response, I started a site that highlighted the good things people accomplish, the amazing things they do with their bodies and hearts and minds. Of all the blogs I’ve ever created, Awesome People is still my favorite. It’s the one that comes closest to capturing the way I see the world.

Last year, I gave up on the “dozens of sites” idea. Instead, everything I write lives here, at More Than Money. That means I should be sharing stuff about awesome people.

Here, for example, is a YouTube compilation that’s gone viral, a collection of videos from dashboard cameras in Russian cars that show people doing positive things:

This is truly great stuff.

Have you seen a story about awesome people? Drop me a line so that I can share it with readers.

A Walk in the Woods

My work ethic has improved dramatically since I began taking ADD meds two weeks ago. Every day, I’m accomplishing before noon than I had been getting done in a week.

This morning, for instance, I got up at 6:30. I took the Vyvanse, then showered, shaved, and ate a good breakfast. Immediately, I got to work. I didn’t play on Facebook. I didn’t waste time reading about the Portland Timbers. I didn’t get sidetracked sorting comics. Instead, I wrote.

I spent the first part of the morning writing about money. I also wrote a couple of small pieces to publish here later. Mid-morning, I had a Skype conference with my friends, Luke and Jim. (We’ve decided to form a sort of braintrust to help each other further our professional goals. Watch out, world!) Finally, I spent a couple of hours editing the program for this year’s World Domination Summit.

By the time I’d come to a stopping point, it was past noon, which meant I’d missed my regular Crossfit class. I opted to go for a run instead. And while I was at it, I decided I’d swing by the hardware store to pick up a few small things.

The Road Less Traveled

I’m fortunate to live right next to the Springwater Trail [PDF], a multi-use path that runs more than twenty miles from downtown Portland to the suburbs. Quick access to this paved pathway was actually a huge selling point when I was considering this location. Living here, there are no excuses preventing me from biking or running. (And I don’t make any; I use the trail a lot.)

Today, I warmed up with a few pushups and lunges, then began an easy run toward downtown Portland. I passed an old couple out for a stroll. Several bikers dinged their bells as they zipped by me. I jogged past the amusement park, and I watched as a guy unhitched his trailer at the yacht club. When I reached Oaks Bottom, I cut over toward the wildlife refuge.

At this point, I ought to have continued up the bluff and then turned back toward the hardware store. But something made me take a different route. When I came to the trail at the bottom of the bluff, I followed it instead of taking my planned path. I’m glad I did.

The gravel trail wound through the trees, following the steep hillside. All around, the wildflowers were lush and green. Some were even beginning to bloom. (June is really wildflower season in this neck of the woods.) The birds in the branches tweeted and chirped, and on a couple of occasions, I startled large crows, which squawked and lofted away.

I slowed to a walk so I could take it all in.

I enjoyed glimpses of the wetlands, where I spied several herons standing in the water. I passed the mausoleum and walked into the open fields beyond. At the end of the trail, I picked a wild rose (my favorite flower!) to give to Kim. The trail turned into a gravel road which led me to Sellwood Park, and, eventually, to home.

The Happiness of Happenstance

Last weekend, I re-read one of my favorite books, Luck is No Accident [my review]. Paraphrased, the book’s central thesis is:

Unplanned events — chance occurrences — more often determine your quality of life than all the careful planning you do. These “happenstances” lead in unexpected directions, many of which can be very positive.

At the same time, I’ve been listening to the audio version of Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s The Black Swan (about which I’m sure to share more in the near future). Taleb explores “the impact of the highly improbable”. He argues that the truly important things in life are essentially unpredictable.

I set out this afternoon with two objectives: get some exercise and run some errands. I only accomplished one of these things. I guess you could argue that my getting sidetracked is only indicative of my ADD. I like to think that it shows I’m open to unplanned events, that I allow some unpredictability in my life.

I may not have made it to the hardware store today, but I feel like I gained some things that are more important.

Now I know where the trail through the wildlife refuge is, and I know the sorts of plants and animals I can see while I’m on it.
I’m fairly certain that the route I took today is about five kilometers, which is a good training distance for running.
I found some spots to picnic with Kim.
I spent some time in a reflective, meditative state, immersed in the nature around me.

I’ll run my errands at the hardware store tomorrow. Right now, it’s time to get back to work. I’m doing so with a smile on my face.

An Easy Way to Convert Celsius to Fahrenheit

On our final night in London last month, Kim and I had dinner with Laura Roeder and her husband, Chris Williams. They were married in November, roamed the States while waiting for Laura’s visa, and are now settling in the U.K.

Laura’s from Texas, and though she likes the U.K., she finds some things — such as converting temperatures from celsius to fahrenheit — a bit confusing. Chris, who is from England, has similar trouble with temperature conversion, but in the opposite direction.

“I have a little trick that makes converting celsius to fahrenheit pretty simple,” I said, taking a sip of wine.

“Really?” said Laura. “It never seems that simple. You have to subtract 32 and divide by nine-fifths or something like that. It’s complicated.”

“He can just do it in his head,” said Kim. I had spent the last month converting temperatures for her while we traveled across Europe.

“What’s the secret?” asked Chris.

The Secret to Converting Celsius to Fahrenheit

“The secret is to memorize a couple of ‘landmarks’,” I said. “For instance, most people know that zero degrees celsius and 32 degrees fahrenheit are the same. That’s your first landmark. Zero celsius is cold. In fact, it’s the freezing point.”

My friends, their mouths full of pizza, nodded in agreement. That was an easy one.

“Well, there are just a few other landmarks you need to know,” I said. “The first is fifty degrees fahrenheit, which is ten degrees celsius. That’s a cool day, but not a cold one.”

“Next is 68 degrees fahrenheit, which is a comfortable room temperature. That’s twenty degrees celsius. Easy, right?”

“Well, it’s not too hard so far,” said Chris. “Fifty is ten. Room temperature is twenty.”

“Right,” I said. For the next landmark, reverse the 68 degrees to get 86 degrees. Thirty degrees celsius is 86 degrees fahrenheit, which is a warm day. Finally, a hot day is forty degrees celsius, or 105 degrees fahrenheit.”

“That lets you count by ten degrees celsius,” said Laura, “but what about all the temperatures in between? What about 26 degrees celsius, for example?”

“There you have to do a bit of math,” I said. “But only a bit. And you don’t need to remember any complicated formulas. Instead, just remember that 18 fahrenheit degrees equal ten celsius degrees. Naturally that means that nine fahrenheit degrees is five celsius degrees. Now you can count by fives. For smaller increments, just estimate that two fahrenheit degrees is one celsius degree. Does that make sense?”

“I guess so,” said Kim.

“You wouldn’t want to use this method for science,” I said. “But for daily life, it works just great. And though it may sound a little complicated at first, it’s really very easy.”

“Who taught you that?” asked Chris.

“Nobody,” I said. “I just made it up myself. I’ve been doing it this way for ten or fifteen years. And to be honest, I now find that I think in celsius instead of fahrenheit. It makes sense once you get used to it.”

Kim and Laura and our enormous pizza…

How to Convert Celsius to Fahrenheit

Okay, in story form, this method might seem a little complicated. But it’s not. Let me give you a bullet-point summary:

To begin, memorize five easy landmarks:
- Zero degrees celsius is 32 degrees fahrenheit. This is cold.
- Ten degrees celsius is fifty degrees fahrenheit. This is cool.
- Twenty degrees celsius is 68 degrees fahrenheit. This is comfortable.
- Thirty degrees celsius is 86 degrees fahrenheit. This is warm.
- Forty degrees celsius is 104 degrees fahrenheit. This is hot.
Next, remember that ten celsius degrees is equal to eighteen fahrenheit degrees. (It also helps to remember that five celsius degrees is nine fahrenheit degrees.)
Finally, know that you can estimate that one celsius degree equals two fahrenheit degrees.

Actually, that last tip is key. If you really want to make things easy on yourself, that’s the only thing you have to remember: You can estimate that one celsius degree is two fahrenheit degrees. Then when you here that it’s 26 degrees celsius outside, for instance, double that (52 degrees) and add it to 32. In this case, you’d end up with an estimate of 84 degrees fahrenheit. It’s actually 79 degrees fahrenheit, but 84 is probably close enough for your purposes, right?

Thermometer photo by OliBac.

A Store That Sells Financial Advice?

A good friend emailed me looking for financial advice the other day. Pam wrote:

A friend of mine is getting married this summer and…blah blah blah. [The main story/question in Pam’s email isn’t germaine to this article. Plus it’s private.]

My friend really wants a financial planner-type person to help them, but she realizes those people really are for people with money to invest (and ultimately pay the financial planner) and her issue is a shortage of money.

Are there neutral party, financially educated people to advise those who are trying to make good decisions but need some help to see all the implications? Where should she look?

Responding to Pam, I was reminded of a business I wanted to start several years ago, just after I sold Get Rich Slowly. At that time, I had a number of friends and family asking for financial advice. It occurred to me that there was a market for a new kind of financial professional. Here’s what I envisioned:

I’d open a storefront in a small space in some sort of high-traffic area like a strip mall.

My store would sell personal-finance related material, including a library of high-quality books, magazines, and software. (Yes, I know the market for PF software has now vanished.)

The store would also offer workshops and classes about personal finance topics, including budgeting and investing.

One special focus of the store would be financial education for children. Another would be entrepreneurship.

The main feature of the store would be financial advice. People could drop in and/or make an appointment to chat with me about their financial problems. I’d listen to their situation, and then offer suggestions.

As I was writing to Pam this morning, I realized that this idea excites me even more today than it did four years ago. My skillset is well-suited to a business like this. I’d love to give it a go. There are, however, some problems.

First, I’m wary of the legal implications. I’d do my best to give sound financial advice, but what if a person took my advice (on investing, for example) but then lost a bunch of money. What’s my liability? Worse, what if they did not take my advice but still blamed me for losing a bunch of money. What then?

I’ve never owned a storefront before, and I’m not sure how much it would cost to run a place like this. (This is a minor concern, though.)

I’d love to offer my services for free and only charge for books and software, etc. In reality, this model probably wouldn’t work. I don’t need to make a lot of money with this venture, but I do need to make enough to break even. And, ideally, I’d make enough to live on.

I’m fortunate to have a free and easy lifestyle right now, one where I’m able to do what I want when I want. If I had a store, I’d have to be present when the store was open. (This could be solved by just being open whenever I wanted, but then that creates headaches for customers.)

I like the idea of creating and running some sort of “money store”, but I’m not ready to actually do anything about it. Maybe I should do some research. I could find out the legal ramifications of giving financial advice. I could figure out what sorts of products I could offer. I could learn how much it would cost to lease a space for the store.

Who knows? Maybe a couple of years from now, you’ll be able to walk into a store called Get Rich Slowly in your neighborhood…

Note: Do businesses like this already exist? Where do you find them? If you were Pam, where would you send her friend for financial advice?

Action Kills Fear

Last night, Cody and I watched the Portland Timbers battle to a scoreless draw with the New England Revolution. Really, though, the soccer match was just an excuse for two friends to hang out for a few hours. We had a good time talking about life: about fitness (Cody is my Crossfit trainer), writing, relationships…and fear.

I told Cody how productive I’ve been since I started taking my ADHD meds a week ago. “It’s amazing how much I can get done in a day,” I told him. “I’m able to focus. I have no anxiety. I’m able to get started on stuff without being distracted. I don’t let myself get sidetracked by tiny little fears.”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about fear,” Cody told me. He knows it’s a pet subject of mine. Plus, I’ve been struggling in the gym since I returned from Europe. Lifts that should be easy for me are proving tough. I even dropped the bar last week, and the bar only had 165 pounds on it.

“I’ve noticed something about people who are learning to lift,” Cody said. “When you start lifting and you get near max efforts” — max efforts are lifts where you’re lifting the most you possibly can — “there’s a fear of getting under the bar. You’re afraid that you’ll drop it, or that you’ll hurt yourself.”

I nodded. I experience this all the time. I just experienced it yesterday while attempting the deadlift. My max deadlift is 345 pounds, but yesterday I was struggling at 275. When it came time to lift 315, I couldn’t do it, partially because I was afraid.

“I get afraid too,” Cody said. “Or I used to. When you do a lift, there’s this moment where you just stop thinking. You have to do the lift, and that means taking an action you’re afraid to do. In order to do that, you have to turn your brain off. It’s when beginners turn their brains off that they’re able to overcome their fear of lifting.”

“Well, instead of waiting for the moment when I’m no longer afraid — a moment that might not ever come if I keep thinking about it — I’ve learned to force myself to not think about it. I think this is key. Thought creates fear; action kills it.”

“I love that idea,” I said. “It reminds me of what I had to do when I went skydiving. I hate heights. And jumping out of an airplane scared me shitless. In order to go through with it, I had to turn my brain off.”

“Right,” Cody said. “You leapt without thought. And in weightlifting, you have to get under the bar without thought. When trying new foods, you have to eat without thought. And so on. You have to reach a point where you’re no longer thinking, you’re only acting.”

As I was falling asleep last night, I thought more about this notion: Thought creates fear; action kills it. It’s not a new idea, but it’s an important one. In his classic The Magic of Thinking Big — the book that’s the inspiration for my upcoming talks and ebook on overcoming fear — David J. Schwartz writes:

Action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, on the other hand, fertilize fear…When we face tough problems, we stay mired in the mud until we take action. Hope is a start. But hope needs action to win victories.

Schwartz proposes a two-step plan to cure fear and win confidence:

Isolate your fear. Determine exactly what it is that scares you.
Take action. Figure out what action will counter your fear.

“Hesitation only enlarges, magnifies the fear,” he writes. “Take action promptly. Be decisive.”

Obviously, this is easier said than done. Overcoming fear takes practice. Being decisive takes practice. You need to practice taking action. But from my experience, action is the antidote to fear. If fear is the mind-killer, action is the fear-killer.

What have you been putting off because you’re afraid? What action can you take today to overcome that fear?

ADHD and Me

I have a good life, but in some ways the past couple of years have been a struggle. I’ve gone from being very productive almost every day to being hardly ever productive on any day. I can’t focus. I start one project but quickly lose interest and am distracted by something else that needs to be done. As a result, nothing ever gets finished. I’ve been mired in creative quicksand.

A Problem

Meanwhile, I’ve noticed some other disturbing character quirks. I’ve always had some memory issues. Kris used to call me Mr. Short-Term Memory (after this Saturday Night Live skit with Tom Hanks) because I’d often forget things she had told me. (To my credit, I often remembered things she didn’t.) In the year that we’ve been dating, Kim too has expressed frustration with my memory. Even when I intentionally focus on what she’s telling me, I’ll sometimes forget what she says.

And over the past year, I’ve developed a strange habit: I leave doors and drawers open. This first became apparent when I began spending time at Kim’s house. “Why did you leave the microwave open?” she’d ask. Or, “Did you mean to leave your toothbrush out?” I was mortified when these things happened because I was trying to make a good impression. Then the same thing began to happen at home, in my apartment. I’d come into the kitchen and two cabinet doors would be open. Since I was the only one in the house, I was obviously the one who’d forgotten to close them, and it baffled me.

Plus, of course, there are the constant messes. I’ve always been messy, but the piles seem to have grown out of control over the past couple of years. My desk is constantly cluttered. Right now, I have an entire room in my condo devoted to crap that I need to sort.

Oh, and did I mention I procrastinate constantly? I do.

Lately, things have come to a head. I’m working on some big project, projects in which I’m part of a team. I have a long list of things that need to get done, both for these projects and for my own work. I have a tough time prioritizing. I’m overwhelmed by it all. I pick things from my to-do list at random and get them done, but often the things I choose are chores like “Buy bird feeder” instead of “Reply to WDS speakers”. As a result, the people I’m working with have been very frustrated, and I don’t blame them.

Note: One of my greatest frustrations over the past few years is the fact that I can no longer read. I used to love to sit down with a good book and lose myself in its pages. But for maybe five years now, I haven’t been able to do that. I don’t have the attention span. I try to read, but after a few pages, my mind has wandered, and I’m thinking of something else to do. I miss reading for pleasure, and I miss reading for work.

An Answer

In November, I started seeing a therapist. After only three sessions, she suggested that perhaps I have a mild case of ADHD. A month later, she suggested that I talk to my doctor about ADHD/ADD meds. And three months after that, she changed that from a suggestion to a command.

She spent an entire session giving me tips on how to cope with ADHD, how to be less messy, how to prioritize tasks, how to pay attention. She also told me to go see my primary care physician and request one of three drugs.

I met with my doctor on Tuesday, and he listened to me talk about my therapy sessions. I showed him the notes I’ve taken. (If I didn’t take notes, I’d forget what we talked about…because I’m ADHD.) He listened to me carefully, and then agreed to prescribe a low dose of Vyvanse. “But I don’t like doing this,” he said. “This stuff can be addictive. It’s not as bad as Adderall, but it can still cause problems. There are a lot of side effects. For instance, you’re not going to want to eat. Also, you may not sleep well. Try it as your therapist recommends, but I want you to come see me in a month so we can talk about how it’s affecting you.”

ADHD Tips and Tricks

I filled the prescription, but then had second thoughts. I did some research on the internet about how to cope with ADHD without using drugs. The Vyvanse website itself has a list of 10 tips for adults with ADHD. I also liked this list of tips for managing symptoms and getting focused and, especially, this list of 50 tips on the management of adult attention deficit disorder.

Reading through these articles, I found a number of gems, such as:

Organize at home with a “launch pad” where I can collect keys, glasses, wallets, etc. This is something I’ve had to teach myself to do. When I don’t put my stuff in the “launch pad”, they’re as good as lost.

Practice the 10-minute pickup. Every evening, spend ten minutes quickly tidying the house. I don’t do this, but I should. I want to make it a routine before bed.

Kill clutter. Clutter is the enemy of the ADHD mind. When my desk is cluttered, I feel overwhelmed. Each piece of paper represents an incomplete action, something that I need to get done. If I can keep the clutter and disorganization to a minimum (by using a physical inbox, for instance), I can feel less overwhelmed and stay on task better.

Exercise, eat right, and get plenty of sleep. When I posted about my ADHD on Facebook, I received 41 response from folks sharing their tips for dealing with ADHD. The top recommendation was to adhere to smart physical fitness. For the most part, I do this already, but I could be better.

Impose external structure on my life. One of the best ways for ADHD people to get control of their lives is to create some sort of formal structure. Make schedules. Make lists. Develop rituals. Keep file folders. Etcetera.

Carry a notebook. People with ADHD have too many things in their head, so they’re not able to focus on one thing at a time. They get distracted by new thoughts and ideas. By carrying a notebook at all times, I have the chance to do a braindump whenever something new occurs to me. This is a habit I’ve had intermittently for many years, but I need to make it something I do always.

Make lists. In the past, I’ve noticed that I’m much more productive when I have a to-do list. Again, I’ve made these lists intermittently in the past, but I need to make them a part of my regular routine.

Meditate. So many people, from my therapist to my girlfriend to my blog readers, have recommended that I learn to meditate. I’ve tried in the past, but only half-heartedly. I don’t have the patience because — surprise! — meditation is tough for the ADHD mind. Still, it’s an important skill, and I want to learn to do it.

Listen actively and patiently. Repeat information. Perhaps the part of ADHD I hate most is the memory problem. I feel terrible when I forget things Kim tells me. (I used to feel bad when I forgot things Kris told me too.) I want to be a good partner for her, and when she has to repeat requests or retell stories, I feel like a fool. Being a better listener should help with this. (Though, as I’ve said, I already try hard to listen well.)

Create reward systems. This sounds so juvenile, but the experts seem certain that one great way to stay on task is to set up a system of rewards for getting work done. So, for example, I might allow myself to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory whenever I finish a writing assignment. Or I can give myself permission to walk to lunch at Jade Teahouse if I finish a big project.

Own your behavior. One final important tip: Don’t use ADHD as an excuse for being a flake. When you forget something, own it. When you don’t get work finished, admit it, and do better next time. Don’t use the ADHD as a cop-out. Acknowledge that it’s there, but also realize you’ve got to be a productive member of society and a good partner.

I liked these tips (and more besides), but after reading them, I was still feeling overwhelmed. There’s so much I need to do in order to start being productive again. Where do I begin?

I emailed my therapist. Meanwhile, both Kim and another friend cautioned me against overthinking things. (Another symptom of ADHD!) Miguel and Kim were right: I was overthinking things, as I often do. So, when my therapist told me to take start taking the meds, I complied.

Wow. I’m glad I did.

A Future

I was worried that the Vyvanse would make me edgey and irritable, that I’d feel anxious and nervous. When I take pseudophedrine for allergies, I often…well, I often freak out. It’s like having way too much caffeine, and I feel overwhelmed. Since Vyvanse (and other ADHD meds) are similar, I was afraid I’d suffer from the side effects.

I didn’t.

Instead, I gradually felt calmer. I felt more confident in myself and more in control of my surroundings.

For instance, I took my Vyvanse this morning at 7am and then climbed into the bathtub to read this month’s book group book (The French Lieutenant’s Woman). At first, I was distracted. I couldn’t focus on the page in front of me. I kept reaching for my iPhone to look at email and Facebook. I picked up an issue of Men’s Health. But after about half an hour, my mind had settled. I felt calm, both physically and mentally.

I didn’t want to read, so I got out of the bathtub, shaved, dressed, and got to work. I pulled out a dry erase board and created an “ADHD Command Central” on which I listed all of the things I need to do, broken into three categories based on priority level. Top on the list? “Write for More Than Money”!

Perhaps more to the point, I then sat down and wrote this post from start to finish without a break. I didn’t once flit away to check Facebook or email. I didn’t get up to pour another cup of coffee. I didn’t suddenly remember that I needed to do laundry. I didn’t get distracted by the stack of stuff in my physical inbox. I just wrote. And here I am, more than two thousand words later, almost finished with this article. And it only took me an hour to write.

This is the old J.D. This is the productive J.D. This is the J.D. who gets shit done. I like it.

I’m not excited about the idea of remaining medicated long term, but after a day and a half of using Vyvanse, I’m willing to stick with it for at least a little while. If it helps me be productive, then I’m all for it. And if it helps with my personal relationships, that’s even better.

In Praise of Traffic Circles

From the first time I drove on English roads in 2007, I’ve been in love with the roundabout.

Roundabouts are seldom used in the United States. There are a few around Portland (and, especially, in Lake Oswego and Bend), but mostly we favor traffic lights. But traffic lights create congestion. From what I’ve seen in the U.K., roundabouts allow for a constant flow of traffic. They may even breed drivers who are more polite!

This morning, Jason Kottke shared this video, which describes how one village in northern England decided to do away with a traffic light and replace it with a double roundabout. In the process, they created a more usable public space, decreased the speed of traffic, and yet maintained good traffic flow.

Traffic circles aren’t always great. The Place de la Concorde in Paris (and the Arc de Triomphe, actually) can have nasty gridlock, for instance. But generally speaking, I’m a fan, and I think we should try them more here in the U.S. (Or maybe other cities and states already use them? I’ve never noticed them elsewhere, but maybe I haven’t been to the right places…)

Note: When Kim and I were driving across England last month, our one frustrating afternoon was made more frustrating because we didn’t understand British traffic terminology. People kept telling us to go left at “Elk Island” (where “elk” may have actually been some other word). Well, we kept driving past where we thought this island ought to be. It was only after I stopped to ask for a third set of directions that it dawned on me that sometimes a roundabout (or traffic circle) is called an “island”. D’oh!

Norway in a Nutshell

After a week in Paris and a week driving around Great Britain, Kim and I moved on to the third leg of our European adventure. We flew to Oslo for a four-day crash course in Norwegian culture.

The real reason we were flying to Norway (and the entire impetus for this trip, actually) was to join Chris Guillebeau in celebrating the completion of his quest to visit every country in the world by the time he turned 35. His 35th birthday was April 7th, and a couple hundred friends and colleagues gathered to congratulate him for finishing his ambitious global adventure.

Before the big party, though, a smaller group took a two-day train tour (called “Norway in a Nutshell”) from Oslo to Bergen — and back again.

On the train from Oslo…

A Norwegian village…

Kim and Michelle, riding the rails…

The train from Oslo climbed the mountains to the western side of Norway. We saw lots of frozen lakes, snow-covered mountain cabins, and frosty fields. Eventually, we transferred to a second, smaller train for the descent to sea level. There, we boarded a ferry to take us through a majestic fjord to nearby Bergen, where we spent the night.

We didn’t intend to wear matching black turtlenecks, but it happened…

Sleepy Norwegian village at the top of a fjord…

Avalanche!

While in Bergen, Kim and I met with Henrik Larsen, a long-time reader of Get Rich Slowly. Henrik runs a very successful Norwegian financial blog and is a charming fellow. He spent several hours showing us his home town, leading us through the streets and up the funicular for a panoramic view of the city.

Kim knows how to deal with trolls…

J.D. and Henrik at Fløien, Bergen.

Henrik points out parts of Bergen to Kim as they ride the funicular.

The “Norway in a Nutshell” group…

Kim and Benny Lewis sing songs on the train ride back to Oslo…

Back in Oslo, we had time for a single morning of sight-seeing. We took in the Viking ship museum and the Kon-Tiki museum, but didn’t have time for anything else. In the evening, we joined a bunch of other folks for Chris Guillebeau’s “End of the World” party.

Chris Guillebeau talking to the party-goers…

Kim and J.D. hitting the dance floor…

I don’t have a lot to say about Norway. Our time there was brief, and we didn’t get to do much. We enjoyed the time we spent with Henrik, but to be honest, the rest our interactions with people weren’t that great. That’s unusual. We had many great experiences on our trip, but Norway was the exception. Maybe we need to see it in the spring or summer, when the landscape and the people have had a chance to thaw.