Cats on Film

I’m so hip. I just uploaded a video to YouTube. You can’t stand me, I’m so cool.

I borrowed a videocamera from Jenn and Jeremy the other day. I’m trying to get some good video of the feral chicken at the office. (I’m constantly amazed at how many Chicken fans there are among my readership.) It’s more difficult than I had anticipated.

Frustrated, I brought the videocamera home today. The sun was shining and the cats were antsy, so I let them outside and then filmed them as they wandered around.

Pretty boring, but not if you’re a cat. As you can tell, Simon is especially fond of outside. It’s his favorite.

(My YouTube profile, in case you’re interested.)

Low-Tech Comfort

I have to admit that I rather like this cold, clear weather. At least the sun is shining.

Yesterday morning, Kris and I sat in the parlor — she with her book, I with my laptop — and basked in the sunlight, which filtered through the tall windows. All four cats joined us.

Nemo sat on a bench, squinting and smiling into the sun. Meatball lounged on the floor. Simon sniffed the furniture to be sure that nothing had changed. Toto stood around and glowered at her brothers.

It was a warm feeling, both in terms of temperature and emotion. My toes were cold (because our floor is never warm), but I was wearing slippers, so that mitigated some of the discomfort. I wrote. Kris read. The cats were cats.

At one point, Simon decided he had had enough of sniffing furniture, so he turned his attention to his little brother. He walked to the bench, stood on his haunches, and grappled with Nemo. Nemo squeaked and tried to fight back, but ran in retreat after Simon hopped up and applied the full weight of his sixteen pounds. (Though Simon only weighs sixteen pounds — a fact we verified yesterday afternoon — he seems to way twenty. Or more. He’s a fat boy. I’ve begun to call him “Jumbo”, which he doesn’t appreciate.)

Time passed.

Simon wandered off to watch birds out the kitchen window. Meatball took his place on the bench. Nemo hopped on the love seat, looking for a place that he might escape Simon’s notice. Toto glowered. I wrote. Kris read.

Simon returned from his bird-watching duties and looked at the bench. He seemed disappointed to find Meatball in Nemo’s place, but then he decided, “What the hell.” He walked to the bench, stood on his haunches, and grappled with Meatball. Meatball has not yet learned his place. He’s deferent to the other cats. So when Simon whapped him, Meatball didn’t know what to do. He whapped back, but without much conviction. Poor Meatball.


The temperature dropped to -8 degrees centigrade at home last night. According to my weather station, it’s -8.8 degrees centigrade here at the shop even as I type. This wouldn’t be so bad if it were warm in my office. But it’s not.

My office is warmed by a tiny space heater. If it’s left to run around the clock, it can generally handle the heating chores on normal January days. But when it’s this cold, and when the thing has been turned down for the weekend, my office turns into an icebox. It was barely 10 degrees centigrade in here when I got to work this morning. It’s only 13.0 degrees centigrade now. My fingers are cold. They’re not numb, but they’re cold. Periodically, I set the heater on my lap and hug it to my chest. Ouch. It hurts so good…

Meatball’s Big Adventure

It hasn’t taken Max long to become my favorite cat at home. He’s lovable: he’s soft, he’s cuddly, he’s playful, he’s quick to purr. He’s quick, intelligent, ornery, and non-aggressive. Simon and Nemo are warming to him, though they’re both worried he wants to play a little too much. Even Toto sometimes forgets to growl or hiss at him.

The only real trouble is that Max is lost outside. When he lived at Custom Box he was outside most of the time, but he spent that time with his brother (and their chicken friend). I’ve begun to let him outside here for supervised exploring, but he seems confused. “This isn’t the place I’m used to,” he seems to say, and he bolts to the bushes.

On Saturday morning, Max had an adventure.

“You should take Meatball outside,” Kris told me. I was laying in bed. “His brothers are outside, and he’s complaining about the injustice.”

I pulled on my pajamas and called Max to the door. He bolted outside, exhilarated by the cold air on his fur. He ran up to Simon and bumped noses. Then, as Simon sniffed the discarded Christmas tree, Max ventured into the trees and bushes at the south edge of the property. I stood back, watching him. He sniffed everything. Eventually he made his way to the street and began to cross it.

“No no, Meatball. Guess again,” I said. I picked him up and carried him back to the lawn. He returned to the shrubs.

He was intrigued by the neighbors’ yard, but annoyed at the chain-link fence that separates the spaces. No matter. He used his cat-like reflexes to leap onto the fence and then drop to the other side.

“You meatball,” I said. He wandered from tree to rock to bush to camper, sniffing everything. Then I heard the dogs barking.

The neighbor dogs are friendly enough, but they’re dogs. If they see a strange cat, their dog-minds turn to sport. They mean no harm. They’re just dogs. “Max,” I called softly. “Max. Come here. Come here, Meatball.” He ignored me, as cats are wont to do.

I went to get Kris. “I need your help,” I said. “Meatball’s in the neighbors’ yard.” She grabbed their Christmas basket and we walked next door. The dogs — Jasmine and Larry and Charlie — came to greet us. We looked around, but we couldn’t see any sign of Max.

We spent a few minutes visiting with Tammy. We gave her the gift basket. She gave us some rum cake. Then we mentioned that we had a new cat, a new cat that was currently someplace in her yard. She laughed and called the dogs inside. We went out to find our boy.

I checked under the camper. Kris checked in the arborvitae hedge. “Max,” I called, “Maxie!” Kris called for him, too: “Meatball. Come here, Meatball!” He was nowhere to be found.

“I wonder where he could be,” I said. “Maybe he went back over.”

Just then Kris spotted him. “There he is,” she said, pointing into the neighbors’ magnolia. “What a meatball.” He was as high as he could get — 20-25 feet off the ground — out on a limb.

“I’m too old for this,” I said, when I realized what I had to do. Magnolias aren’t great climbing trees, not even grand old magnolias like this one. But I did my best. I climbed about halfway to Max, and then tried to coax him to me. He understood my intention, but, quite frankly, didn’t find “down” as easy as he had found “up”. It probably took him ten minutes to scrabble down five feet to where I could reach him.

I steeled my mind (as one must do in these situations). “Pain doesn’t matter,” I told myself. “Whatever he does, no matter how much he scratches, it’s most important to get ahold of him.” I grabbed him and pulled. He squirmed and clawed, but I managed to pull him to my chest and soothe him. Then I realized there was no way for me to descend, especially while holding a cat. “Here,” I said, and I dropped Max onto a large branch below me. From there, Kris was able to grab him.

I ran back to our yard while Kris carried Meatball to the fence. She dropped him into the underbrush, and he ran for the mudroom door. “At least he knows where home is,” I said.

Max spent the rest of the day inside, cuddling with Mom and Dad.

Duke, R.I.P.

Amy Jo, Frykitty — go away. You don’t want to be here today.

When I got to work yesterday, Jeff gave me news I’d been dreading. “Those dumb cats came from across the road this morning.” He meant that the kittens (who are no longer kittens) had discovered the wide open field across from the shop. For the six months that they’ve lived with us, our babies have stayed close to the office. We gave them a base of operations back in the tool shed, far away from the road. They have a warm, dry place to sleep there, as well as plenty of food. The eventual fate of most cats in this neighborhood is a resting place on the road, so we did our best to discourage them from going near it. And for a few months, it worked.

“That’s not good,” I said. “It’s only a matter of time now.”

“I know,” Jeff said. “Plus, when I was pulling into my parking spot, Max was in the way. He froze in my headlights. He just stood there. I had to honk my horn to get him out of the way.”

A black cloud descended on the kitty-cat side of my brain. “Their days are numbered,” I thought. “Should I try again to convince Kris that we can take them home?”

This morning as I left for work, I told Kris about my worries. She’s not attached to my boys like I am, though, and to her it was just another story of life at the box factory.

It was a wet drive to work. The rain came down sideways in thick sheets. As I pulled into the parking lot, I breathed a sigh of relief that there were no little cat bodies on the road. My relief was short-lived. “Did you see Blackie?” Jeff asked.

“You’re kidding,” I said.

“No,” he said. “I put him on the side of the road, near the number marker.”

Though I’m dressed nicely today in order to play Santa Claus to my customers, I trudged out into the monsoon, grabbed a shovel, and found Duke’s body at the side of the road. It was rigid, like a board, which I take to mean that he’s been dead several hours at least. Like most cats that are hit here, he only seemed to be sleeping. There was no blood. Except for the fact that he was soaked through, he looked exactly as he always did, sleeping on the chair in my office.

I will miss how Duke slept on that chair (one of those from Mac and Pam) all day long.
I will miss the way he’d shriek in protest when Max woke him from a nap by chomping on his neck.
I will miss his soft and gentle trill, the way he always talked to me.
I will miss his passion for Chee-tos.
I will miss the way he barged open my office door when he wanted in — no tapping it open for him!
I will miss the way he forced himself onto my lap if I was sitting in his chair.
I will miss the way he was scared out of his wits of the new cat.
I will miss how every week the cleaning lady told me, “He’s so cute.”
I will miss the way he couldn’t figure out the water faucet — Max will drink from the stream, but Duke just climbed in and licked the sink while the water poured on top of his head.
I will miss how he and his brother were bonded like no other animals I’ve ever known.

I will miss that little cat. I didn’t know him long, but I knew him well.

Good-bye, little Dukie.

(Duke’s death brings to the forefront a huge moral quandary for me. I love Duke and Max. They’re great cats. I want to bring them home. Kris refuses. But if Toto were not there, she might be open to the idea. Toto is old an unpleasant. Ought I to get rid of her? But I’m bonded to her, no matter how much of a bitch she is. I’ve known her since the day she was born. She’s my familiar. But wouldn’t it make sense now to bring home Max and get rid of Toto? Which is more heartless? Leaving Max at the shop or abandoning my cat of thirteen years? Max loves it at the shop, though I don’t think he understand that Duke is gone. If I knew he’d be safe, I wouldn’t mind leaving him here. It’s a tough call.)

Update on the Shop Cats (and Chicken)

The Custom Box chicken is getting bolder and bolder. Today as I was unloading the stuff from Costco, the chicken marched up to the back door and demanded to be fed. Since the cat have learned to self-feed from the bag, we’re not good at making sure food gets set out for the bird. This makes the bird unhappy.

So I scooped up a bowl of cat food and let the chicken lead me to her dish under the garden shed. Jeff put away the picnic table while I was on vacation, so I sat on a bench and waited while the chicken eyed me warily. She clucked her disapproval, but she eventually strutted over to have a snack. She wouldn’t let me pet her. She was also nervous of Duke, who had come out to see what I was doing.

Duke and Max have turned into a pair of fine animals. It’s been a long time since we had shop cats, and we’d forgotten how fun it is. These two are especially good.

Max has developed several passions:

  1. He likes to eat, especially fresh from the bag.
  2. He likes to play with bottle caps of any sort — they can amuse him for hours.
  3. He likes to race. Jeff calls him the “grey cheetah”.

Duke, meanwhile, just wants to be loved. He likes nothing more than to curl up on somebody’s chest or lap. (In fact, he is currently sprawled on my lap, keeping me warm as I type this.) He’s also finally lost the annoying habit of constantly licking my fingers. Duke is Master of Doors: he knows how to push open any door that’s even partly open. (At home, Toto is even better — she can pull open any door that isn’t fully latched. She does it just for fun.)

I still worry that the cats will venture too close to the road, though I’ve never seen any sign of this. They do have a bad habit of hanging around in the gravel parking area, greeting everyone in the morning. (They follow us to the back door of the office, and as soon as we open it, they race inside to eat from the bag.)

I’d still bring both cats home in a second, if Kris would let me. I’d even bring home the chicken.

A Letter to a Friend (from Simon)

Dear Nine,

How are you. I am fine. It is cold here now, and even though Dad let me outside yesterday afternoon, I did not like it. I sat on the steps, and when he came out later to get the mail, I went inside. Brother was on the heating pad, or I might have taken it myself. (The heating pad is actually for Sister, because she is old and grouchy. But Sister does not use it because Brother has contaminated it by his presence.)

Mom and Dad tell me that you have a new Sister, too, but that she is pink and fleshy. I am sorry. Is she evil? Your parents are cruel and thoughtless not to have asked your permission. Don’t they understand that cats do not like change? I hope that at the very least they still feed you regularly.

What do you do in South Dakota? Are there squirrels? Are there birds? Are there leaves? There are leaves here, now, and while they are not as tasty as birds, they do have their virtues. (They’re plentiful, for example.) This weekend, Mom and Dad work in the yard. They raked leaves. I helped.

Auntie Tiff came over, too. I like Auntie Tiff. She knows just how to wiggle a stick.

Later in the day, I rescued Brother. He was sitting by the birdbath when he was set upon by Flash. Brother is rather stupid, and cannot cope with Flash alone, so I charged to his aid. It used to be that Flash and I engaged in mind games, and that the outcome was always in doubt. No longer. I have been practicing, and my mind is now so vastly superior that Flash slinks away in fear.

When the yardwork was finished, I summoned Mom to my side and commanded her to carry me inside. She is a good Mom.

It is sad that you are now so far away, friend Nine. I hope that you are not lonely. I hope that your parents feed you well. I hope that you have birds and squirrels to chase. I hope one day to see you again.

Stay warm.

— your friend, Simon Gates

Max and Duke

Earlier this year, Custom Box Service inherited three kittens. Jeff was rummaging in the tool shed when he startled a black cat. The cat bolted and hasn’t been seen since. She left behind three kittens, which were about five weeks old at the time. Paul and Amy Jo considered adopting two of them, and Mom took the third and named her Socks. In the end, Ruby — Paul and Amy Jo’s dog — prevented adoption of the other two. They returned to Custom Box with their new names: Max and Duke.

At first, we tried to pawn Max and Duke on unsuspecting souls. (We did well with shop cats during the mid-nineties, but our recent history is less keen. They tend to get squished in the road, or they simply disappear.) We found no takers, though, and soon we came to bond with our little boys; now we wouldn’t think of giving them away.

Both Max and Duke are sweet — sweet in a way that I haven’t seen in a cat since Tintin died.

Duke is black. He looks like a miniature Toto, only he’s not so fat, and he’s not so grouchy. In fact, he’s a little overbearing. He has a squeaky meow, which he uses often. He loves to sit on laps, or to sit on my desk while I’m working. He has a hand fetish — he nibbles and gnaws on fingers, and if you let him, he’ll lick lick lick until your hands are clean. Duke’s specialty is sleeping. He’s been practicing hard, and soon will be ready to enter the sleeping event in the cat olympics.

Max, on the other hand, is training for the bottle cap competition. Even at this moment, he’s out in the hall, delivering a succession of stunning blows to an unfortunate cap. Max is grey with a bit of white on his bib and his paws. He’s sweet, too, but not as willing as Duke to sacrifice his inherent cat dignity. He’s actually quite catlike in demeanor already. Max is fond of play. His favorite trick is to crouch in the grass along the sidewalk and then to spring on passers-by. He’s deadly.

As I say, I worry about their longevity. Cats generally aren’t prone to roaming, despite notable exceptions. They like to have a set territory. Because of this, I’ve tried to convince Max and Duke that their base of operations is the shed in which we first found them. I feed them in the shed. I water them in the shed. (Max likes to drink from the stream of water as I’m pouring it into the bowl.) I encourage them to sleep in the shed. It would be more convenient to have them on the porch, the porch is much closer to the road. It’s my hope that with the distance, and with the trailer as a barrier, the kittens will have no reason to go near the road.

The truth is that if Kris would let me, I would bring these home. If only Toto would croak, maybe I could justify it. They’re a fantastic pair of cats, as fine as any I’ve seen in a long time.

p.s. Yes, the chicken is still around.

And the Chicken Shall Lie Down with the Cats

[photo of chicken walking among kittens]

Here is a photo of the chicken that has decided to live with our kittens.

From the left, you see Max (who suspects this bird may be good to eat), the bird (whom we call Chicken, even if she’s not), and Duke (who looks a little wary here). The three often eat together in perfect harmony. Today they were milling around the shed, waiting for me to feed them. Unfortunately, I spooked the bird by hanging around with my camera, so I didn’t get any pictures of the group feed. Maybe tomorrow.

Too Hot

Even Simon believes it is too hot:

But that doesn’t mean he’s going to come inside any time soon.

Saving Baby Jay

Note: Though this entry may at first appear to be filled with cat on bird violence, it has a happy ending. I think.

I was sound asleep in the tub tonight when Kris came barging into the house. “Nemo just caught a juvenile jay!” she shouted, distressed. I woke with a start. Outside there was a raucous squawking riot. I rose from the tub and dripped to the front door, naked.

Nemo was slinking around the back of the house, treasure in mouth. Simon was making his way to the azalea hedge where the capture had occurred. “What do I do?” Kris asked.

“Scare Simon,” I said. I ran to the bathroom for my pants. When I came outside, Kris was pouring her water bottle over the azaleas. “No,” I said. “Hit the hedge with a stick.” She did so, and Simon bounded out. So, too, did another juvenile jay. Simon saw it, but Kris was quicker: she scooped it into her hands.

“What do I do now?” she asked.

“Hold on,” I said. I grabbed Simon and shut him in the house. Mama and Papa Jay were flying from limb-to-limb, squawking at us.

“I’m going to make a nest for the baby,” Kris said. She bunched up some ivy in the crook of some pine branches, then placed the fledgling inside. While she worked, I walked around the house to find Nemo.

He was back by the dogwoods, seated in loaf position, watching his baby jay as it hopped along the ground. Nemo wasn’t even trying to play with it. I thought for sure the thing had been mortally wounded, but when I picked it up, I was shocked to find that it was wholly uninjured. How was that even possible? As I carried it back to the front yard, it squawked — louder than any adult jay I’ve ever heard — and struggled to be free. Its parents squawked in reply.

“Is it alive?” Kris asked after she had locked Nemo in the house. She was as shocked as I was. “What do we do now?” she said.

“Put it in the tree with its brother?” I suggested. But when I crept behind the azaleas — naked except for my pants — the other fledgling was gone. “Ouch,” I said, pricked by holly leaves and pine needles. Kris took a turn looking in the pine and on the ground nearby, but there was no sign of the bird. Can a parent jay carry its children? we wondered.

I let the feisty jay free on the grass where it immediately hopped for cover underneath a lawn chair. “We should feed it,” Kris said. While she looked for worms, I grabbed my camera. I loved the little bird’s personality, his indomitable spirit to have survived Nemo.

“Worms are more difficult to find when you need them,” Kris said, bringing a little one for the baby jay. The bird pecked at it, but did not eat it.

We spent half an hour trying to get the parents and the baby to reunite. Mama and Papa Jay were aware that their baby was with us; they flew from hedge to bush to tree, keeping low to the ground, but they would not come into the open to get their child. And we didn’t want to let the fledgling hop into the bushes (which was what it wanted to do).

The mosquitoes feasted upon our flesh: I was still wearing only a pair of pants.

As dusk fell, we brought the bird inside and put it in a cat carrier. (Oh! The irony!) We gave it a dish of water and a dish of millet. We made a bed of straw. While Kris fussed over our young charge, I googled for information. I found a page about how to care for baby birds — unfortunately, its advice was to let the fledglings hop into the bushes where its parents can care for them, something we had prevented. By this time it was dark out, and we were worried that the parents had given up on their child when we brought it inside.

“I’ll get a box,” I said. I found a shoebox, and we moved the bird and its water and its millet inside. I took the shoebox and placed it behind the azalea hedge, beneath the pine tree.

Will our little jay survive? I don’t know. I hope so. Our feline children will not be allowed outside for several days, that’s for sure. The first place they’ll go when we let them out is the azalea hedge, hunting for birds. I’m hopeful that by the weekend the juvenile jays will be able to fly, and thus elude our hunters.

Cat and Bill disapprove of the fact that we allow the cats outside, partly because they do hunt, killing birds from time-to-time. I respect their position, and understand their concerns, but mostly I believe that the cat-bird dynamic is hardcoded into nature and ought to be allowed to play out. However, I recognize that as a moral human animal, it is my responsibility to do what I can to protect all intelligent life when possible. Nemo killing a goldfinch once or twice a year is one thing; Nemo picking off baby jays who have left the nest is another.

What line has been crossed here? I can’t articulate it, but I do know that so long as it’s within my power to save these baby jays, it’s my responsibility to do so. I feel no remorse at the death of a goldfinch, but the death of a jay seems reprehensible. Whine as they might, the cats are restricted indoors for several more days.

Resources about caring for baby birds:

Be well, little bird!