FS Important

There are 32 posts filed in FS Important (this is page 3 of 4).

Physical Therapy

I had my first physical therapy session today.

The physical therapist is located in downtown Canby, about half a mile from our house. As a treat to myself, I walked to the appointment (cane in hand, of course). Kris was afraid I was going to do this — she knows me well.

It’s a gorgeous day, and the sun was shining, but not yet too hot.

As I started my walk, I passed an older gentleman, also with a cane, out for a stroll. We paused briefly to chat — how often do two men with canes pass each other on the street? — and he asked about my surgery. He wished me luck, and we hobbled our separate ways.

From down the street I could hear the strains of Mexican music, oom-pahing from somebody’s home. A high school boy walked past, skateboard in hand, looking over his shoulder toward the school. Presumably he was ditching class, probably ditching a final.

I came upon the source of the loud Mexican music: a house under construction, all the workers Hispanic. (Remind me to post the track list for my Mexican mix sometime. Mexican music has a bad rep, but some of it is quite good.) On the next corner I came upon Skateboard Boy again, his arms draped around his girlfriend, his skateboard still in his hand. Apparently they had other plans than to take their final exams.

I hobbled down Third street, looking at the lawns and gardens, sweating in the sun.

I passed the gas station, revelled in the smell of cyclobutanes and stale nicotine. (All strong odors smell fantastic after having lived in a confined space for two weeks.)

At Highway 99E I faced a bit of a challenge. The highway was wide, and my pace quite slow. Could I make it across the highway within the time span of the signal? Yes, barely.

I said hello to the mailwoman. I stopped at the frame shop to look at the art in the window. The donut shop was tempting, and reminded me how hungry I was, but my wallet was empty, and Kris had my debit card. Passing the bicycle shop, I felt a pang of jealousy for those able to ride a bike on such a beautiful day.

In all, it took me 32 minutes to make a walk that I could normally make in less than ten. And my knee was sore, too.

My physical therapist, Tyler, measured my current recovery. My unassisted leg extension is -2 degrees, which he says is very good. My unassisted flexion, though, is only 50 degrees, which is below average. I’m having difficulty flexing my quad, especially the interior muscle on the group. He stressed that I need to work on developing strength in this muscle in order to accelerate the recovery process.

Tyler walked me through several exercises intended to begin building strength in the leg. We did leg lifts during which I rested on my back, leg lifts in which I rested on my left side, and leg lifts in which I rested on my right side. We flexed my knee. We did quad contractions, which he wants me to do several hundred times per day. (Basically, I imagine that I need to do one every time that it occurs to me that I ought to do one. Like now.) We did a funny little exercise in which I simply moved my knee cap with my hand.

Tyler stressed that cases like mine are the most dangerous, most at risk for reinjury. I have no pain in the knee presently, and might be inclined to take unnecessary risks, to do more than the knee can handle. For example: I might try to walk half a mile to a physical therapy appointment.

Tyler made me call a friend for a ride home.

I’m glad I walked that distance, though. It made a world of difference to my mental well-being.

Now it’s time for me to enter the CPM machine for six hours. Ugh.

Comments


On 05 June 2003 (10:49 AM),
Dana said:

I’ll only say this once.

Listen to your doctors. Remember your root canal?



On 05 June 2003 (12:00 PM),
Joelah said:

Yeah! Remember your… Hmm. Okay, Dana, what happened with the root canal



On 05 June 2003 (12:10 PM),
Dana said:

Well, he had this persistant pain in his tooth, but after a day or so it would go away. Since it always goes away, it can’t possibly be serious. He’d just take some asprin or whatever and be fine!

This went on for, oh, a year? Finally, it got bad enough that he went to the dentist, who said he needed a root canal.

So he had a root canal. And they told him to set up an appointment to get it capped like in a week or so. But you know what? The pain was gone! And the tooth seemed fine! And besides, that sort of thing is expensive, and seems unnecessary, since everything feels fine now!

So, a couple more years pass, and he’s eating something with peanuts in it, and SNAP the tooth disintegrates.

Moral of the story: follow doctors orders! Meh!



On 05 June 2003 (03:01 PM),
dowingba said:

I have a permenant limp in my left leg because of not following doctor’s orders for a knee problem I had. Actually, perhaps I could have mentioned this earlier, it was pretty much the same problem you had before your surgery.

Social Personality

Proust provides much food for thought; twenty pages of Proust provides more discussion fodder than two hundred pages of most books.

Here’s a passage that I believe could inspire an entire evening’s discussion:

Even in the most insignificant details of our daily life, none of us can be said to constitute a material whole, which is identical for everyone, and need only be turned up like a page in an account-book or the record of a will; our social personality is created by the thoughts of other people. Even the simple act which we describe as “seeing some one we know” is, to some extent, an intellectual process. We pack the physical outline of the creature we see with all the ideas we have already formed about him, and in the complete picture of him which we compose in our minds those ideas have certainly the principal place. In the end they come to fill out so completely the curve of his cheeks, to follow so exactly the line of his nose, they blend so harmoniously in the sound of his voice that these seem to be no more than a transparent envelope, so that each time we see the face or hear the voice it is our own ideas of him which we recognize and to which we listen.

How true.

It is both a great and terrible thing that the ideas we form of others — especially those first impressions which are constructed after mere moments of acquaintance — continue to dominate our relationships with them in the face of conflicting evidence. It’s a natural coping mechanism akin to the process of stereotyping, but applied to a single individual, and the real sin occurs when our formed image of a person is unyielding, stands fixed in the face of conflicting evidence.

I am as guilty of this as any other person. Poor Jeremy Gingerich long was the victim of my notion of his nature, and it was only when I allowed myself to really perceive him, to view him in diverse surroundings and situations, without filtering his behavior through a filter of my own prejudice (based primarily on antiquated notions and opinions of Jeremy), that I was able to alter my opinion of him. It works in the opposite direction, too, of course; we place some people on pedestals, even in the first few moments of a friendship, and in them we seem unable to note even the grossest flaw. The ugliest, most vile person in the world might seem beautiful and good if our minds have been swayed to that opinion and we are unwilling to relinquish it.

Are we what others perceive us to be? Does our social personality exist outside our interpersonal interactions? I suppose, by definition, it cannot. Is our social personality fixed, or is it malleable? Does it change from one social environment to another? For myself, I believe that some people’s perception of J.D. more closely matches my own than other people’s perceptions. Some view me in a negative light, and are not swayed by evidence that might assuage this disdain. Others like and respect me despite my foul actions and ill humor. But who sees me most truly? Is there a group that has a more accurate image of who I am?

Paul Carlile and I have discussed, at length, another aspect of social personality: the masques we wear from group-to-group. Paul makes no secret that he alters his masque to the social environment in which he finds himself. With me, alone, he is thoughtful and reserved. In a small group of close friends, he is mischievous, challenging, looking to goad staid thought toward something new, always “stirring the pot”. When he’s in a new social environment, mixing primarily with strangers, Paul plays the clown, the buffoon, going for cheap laughs, disarming those around him so that he can better gauge their personalities while delaying their view of his own. Each of these masques is a part of Paul, and he’s fully cognizant of the roles he is playing.

I prefer to maintain, essentially, the same persona in nearly every social situation. I am not socially facile, cannot cope with juggling multiple masques. Sure, my behavior alters slightly from one social context to another, but only slightly (on a conscious level). Still, each person’s perception of who I am is different, based on the social climate in which they know me. My soccer teammates have seen one facet of me, my family has seen another, and my geek pals have seen yet another.

In order to have a full grasp of another person’s nature, one must have known him for an extended period of time, have observed him in a variety of situations, have viewed every facet of his personality. How many people, then, can we claim to know fully?

How well do you know me? How well do I know you?

See how it goes?

Proust inspires self-reflection, close meditation.

Lovely.

What do you think about social personality and self-perception?

Comments

On 24 April 2003 (09:17 AM),
Tammy said:

Ok I’ll try this one. Actually, I had thought about this when we all did that quiz thing you had on strength, intelligence. charisma, etc. Those scores were based on individual perceptions; how much charisma and intelligence we “thought’ we had.

I know that I put on different masks for different groups of people. Most definitely! I think my husband is the only one that truly knows me.(Even then sometimes I wonder!lOl)

I see myself as haveing a lot of charisma. I see myself as a very blunt ,outspoken person, yet not rude. I think my friends see me as rude sometimes.

I can be very loud and annoying, or very quiet and reflective. Unfortunately the quiet side is usually only seen at home.

Above all things, I hate it when people think I am a certain way and won’t let me be anything else. Two weeks ago I attended a Ladies Seminar and we all stayed at a motel overnight. A bunch of us met in the speakers room to gab into the night. Well our pastors wife spent most of the night regaling us with tales of missionaries she had entertained in her home.

I was feeling particularly tired that night and a little worried about my kids at home so I wasn’t the life of the party like I usually am. When we got back to the conference the following mornign, one lady said, ” Oh Tammy, I so wish I could have gone to the motel. I bet you just kept every one in stitches all night!” I looked at her and informed that I was really tired and hadn’t participated much.

Now heres what just burns me up!!!! Another lady was standing there and she starts shaking her head like I wasn’t being truthful. (she had been to the motel) Lady no.1 says, “Oh so I am right! I bet you didn’t shut your mouth all night!” Lady no.2 says through clenched teeth while rolling her eyes,”Uh huh!”

Well I had HAD IT! I said, “Linda, how can you say that! Vicki talked all night telling missionary stories! I want you to know I scarecly said a word!” Linda just shrugged and walked away.

Now there, JD, is a true case of someone having a preconcieved notion of ones social personality. And what irks me is that once people have formed an opionion of you it doesn’t seem to matter what you do after that . You just can’t change it!

I think I know what my social personality is. It’s funny,witty, charismatic, and intelligent. Sometimes a little too loud perhaps. I also know that everyone percieves me as a gossip, which I am not! Gossiping, in my book, is purposely setting out to destroy someones good name. I don’t do that!

To wind up this long narrative I must say that my social personality and my self perception are not the same!

PS. I may have revealed more about myself in the above writing but I must always remember my mother is reading this!lol (Altho I do say that seriously too!)

On 24 April 2003 (09:45 AM),
Jeremy said:

I deserve to be judged for my unwillingness to fit in with “acceptable” social behaviors. This is a weakness of mine – most of the time I just don’t care what others think. I learned early on that trying to fit in, or trying to MAKE others like me as a way of feeling better about myself, left me exhausted, both emotionally and physically. This is often a point of great distress for my wife – she is the polar opposite on this subject.

Ultimately, my point is this. I like you JD. I like almost everyone I know. The people I like least are those who can never just be themselves – who always need some kind of a front. But there is no need for a statement like “poor Jeremy Gingerich.” I’m ok with you not liking me – or liking me. Although as I enjoy your company I prefer the latter.

It sounds as if I am a great deal like Tammy. I have been in many situations similar to the one desscribed as above (if you don’t believe me :) just see JD’s entry from April 22, 2002. I read this two days ago and found it funny. My wife would cringe as she read it and remember and be extremely upset with herself for marrying such a social idiot.

At any rate – don’t feel sorry for poor Jeremy Gingerich.

:)

On 24 April 2003 (10:34 AM),
Dana said:

Well, you’d better believe that I have an opinion on this :)

Nobody exists in a vacuum. Even those people who purposely go out of their way to wall themselves off from other people still have relationships with others — it’s just that those relationships are stilted and superficial, at least on the concious level. You can still read things about people around you, even without any councious interaction.

The thing about knowing someone else is that each interpersonal relationship is different. If both Able and Baker know Charlene, they know different Charlenes, because Able and Baker are themselves not the same person. Who they are colors their relationships with who Charlene is.

I think the most important parts of knowing another person are time and variety. Seeing them in many situations, over a long period of time.

Under those circumstances, you get to observe that person’s many masks, and how and when they employ them. You get the opportunity to learn what doesn’t change, despite the concious efforts of the person to adapt to his or her surroundings.

You also learn to read the person. You can tell their emotional state more readily, which allows you to pick up more subtle signals of how they are feeling and what they think about other people or situations.

I think others get to know us in spite of ourselves, not because of what we do. Because having someone else know you makes you vulnerable, and we are all careful to try and protect ourselves. And what is always amazing is when someone does get to know you, and sees through all those layers you put between yourself and the real world, and yet they still like and enjoy being around you.

That’s the basis for true friendship, and true love. At least, in my opinion. For most of us, it’s only our family that has the opportunity to get to know us this well. Our family, and our spouses.

If we’re lucky, we have a few friends who get there, too.

I think I know you pretty well, JD. I’ve known you for over a decade, and getting to know you in the Dorms at college gave me the opportunity to see you in lots of different contexts. Up until you started this blog, I think I’d probably read as much or more of your writing as anybody (because of our e-mail correspondences), and that reading has probably given me more insight into who (I think) you are than anything. You still surprise me, though, like with the kids at Clara’s BBQ. And I know that there are sides to you that I probably will never see.

Anyway, I do this sort of introspection all the time. I don’t need no stinkin’ Proust to trigger it — Heck, I go out of my way to pay people to listen to me do it :)

On 24 April 2003 (12:06 PM),
Joelah said:

So if these first impressions are so powerful and lingering, why do we make them? I’d argue that they do serve a purpose in our complicated social classfication system. They allow us to react and communicate more efficiently than we otherwise would. Imagine if everytime you encountered an acquaintance you had to sort of circle each other warily, testing out the roles you’d play socially. Each person would be reserved, reluctant to communicate, afraid of revealing too much. Because, after all, you never really know what someone else will do or say. You can get to know someone well enough to make very educated guesses, but there will always be uncertainty. I think our tendency to make and stick with first impressions allows us to overcome this first level of social inhibition.

On 24 April 2003 (12:13 PM),
J.D. said:

Ah, yes, I do agree that first-impressions, like stereotypes, serve a valuable psychological function in our ability to engage in social interaction.

The problem, comes, I believe, when one is unwilling to change a first impression or alter an existing stereotype based on evidence that contradicts the existing template. Often times we steadfastly refuse to change our perception of somebody (or some group) despite blatantly contradictory behavior. This phenomenon is more interesting to me.

Stereotypes and first-impressions aid in social interaction, but they should not be so rigid that we are unwilling to alter them in the face of new information.

On 24 April 2003 (12:57 PM),
Dana said:

If you buy my argument about time and variety, what you are describing is basically having the opportunity to get to know someone (ie, the opportunity to “circle each other warily, testing out the roles you’d play socially”), and yet not doing it for whatever reason.

Instead, you stick with a superficial impression of the person, and don’t take the effort to put the time and experiences you do have in common to learn more about that other person. You allow (either from laziness or, more likely, from indifference) the relationship to remain, at least from your point of view, superficial.

This isn’t necessarily bad. Lots of activities do not require deep interpersonal relationships (ie, playing Starcraft, soccer, or the like) and if you only did them with Close Personal Friends who know all about your Inner Soul, well, then you’d have pretty small teams and/or not get to participate in some enjoyable activities very often.

On the other hand, if you undertake one of these activities with a small group of people for, oh, 15 or 20 years and yet your relationship with them remains on a more superficial plane, well, I guess I’d wonder why. What else is going on? Why are you chosing to exclude those people, whom you’ve had ample opportunity to get to know well, from other areas of your life? There may be a good answer for it, but I would certainly wonder what that answer was.

(Note that this is all hypothetical rambling that I’m throwing out while I’m otherwise occupied at work. There Is No Subtext!)

On 24 April 2003 (08:00 PM),
Virginia said:

humm, this almost renders me speechless, however I do have a comment. When we moved to Idaho we met a family who viewed us from a distance (I know we look strange J.D. but they did too :o)
Anyhow we tried to be friendly and they were polite. This continued about 6 months. Then for some unknown reason we became their (They became our) best friends. They have confided in us, Taken us out for steak dinners (and paid the bill). Brought roses and pizza when we were sick, sent cards and the like.
Are first impressions always right? I don’t think so. Had you ask me about them a year ago I would have said they were nice, respectable people. Today I would say they are outgoing, friendly, and wonderful people.
About myself I would say I am mostly one to observe and watch other people. My voice is not often heard above the rest, (maybe because I married into a noisy family) However (if Tammy’s not around) and I am comfortable in the group I am in, I can be the life of the party. Like how do you be the life of the party when Tammy is there and tells an old school friend in the group, who is at least 4 years older than I am , “You look a lot younger than mom”… enough said.
About you J.D. Steve was his own person, You are your own person. I like that kind of person.
Different but likeable. You don’t seem to be afraid to do what you like and want to do. Also polite and respectable. And very interesting to talk to.
I have a feeling I’d better quit. I’m sure Tammy is checking my spelling and english and I don;t get a very good grade when she does.

On 24 April 2003 (10:15 PM),
Tammy said:

My mother strongly contends that the Roths are a quiet, intelligent bunch of people who would never think of being noisy and outspoken like the Swartendrubers.(her husbands side of the family)

Well she may be right. But once again that may just be a first impression. After all, according to all that has been written, only those who actually live with the Roths will ever really know! (spooky) And….. I have lived with a Roth!

Yet I will never tell!

Sunday Painful Sunday

I’m standing in the daffodil beds at Wooden Shoe, making photographs, when a family meanders by: a mom, a dad, a four-year-old girl and a two-year-old girl. The two-year-old is leading a German Shepherd by a line. The four-year-old loves the flowers. Everyone is happy.

It’s crowded among the daffodil beds, and the dog knocks over the two-year-old. She falls in the wet sawdust. It’s an accident, and the kid’s not hurt, but she begins to wail.

“He knocked me over! He knocked over!”

I look up from my viewfinder and smile at the mother, who kneels down to comfort the girl. “It’s okay. He didn’t mean to knock you over. You’re not hurt.”

I look back in my viewfinder and then I hear a thunk. The dog yelps. I look up to see the dog whimpering and cowering. The father has kicked the dog.

I want to say something, but I didn’t actually see anything. Still: I now hate this man. He’s a fucking asshole. At this moment, every ounce of ire and ill-will in my being is focused on this bearded fuck who kicked a helpless dog. I want my glare to eat through his skull. I want him to die tomorrow. Painfully. Gnawed to pieces by a pack of German Shepherds.

What a fucking asshole.

The family walks away and the dog slinks after them, limping.

Though it’s been raining all morning, the sun has come out just in time for soccer practice. It’s good to see everyone again: Amy and Rich and Sarah and Jonathan and Laus and Kwame and Brett and Debbie (and Mac and Joel, of course). The mood is light and pleasant, and we’re excited to be playing together again.

Some softball players come up, looking for their team. “Are you with the Wonder Broads?” they ask. No, we’re not with the Wonder Broads. We’re with the Saints. We’re a bunch of losers!

We pump up the soccer balls, stretch our legs, and then take to the field, passing back and forth. Mac and Joel take a few shots on me. “How do you feel?” they ask, wary that I may not have recovered from my series of injuries last season. I feel great. My knee’s fine. I’m going to take it easy this season, going to stay healthy the whole time, going to have fun.

We split up into two six-player teams for scrimmage. I’m playing defense with Cassie, a new team-member.

Things go well for the first few minutes. Then, I plant my write foot and twist and my knee goes crunch and I collapse in a pile of curses and agony.

Not again!

I drag myself from the field and wait for the pain to subside. The knee’s a little sore, a little tender, but I put myself back in the game. I’m very ginger with the knee. Then I go for a ball and plant my foot and twist and my knee goes crunch and I collapse in a pile of curses and agony.

I’d looked forward to playing soccer this season. It’s not going to happen.

The bright side is I’ll have more free time�

On the way home, I stop at Excalibur Comics to see if they have the third issue of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. They don’t (they’ve already sold the only copy they ordered), but Debbie takes it upon herself to call around to her competitors until she finds somebody who does have a copy and she asks them to hold it for me. Yet another reason I’m completely loyal to Excalibur, the best comic book shop in Portland.

Comments


On 06 April 2003 (09:34 PM),
drew said:

nurse that write knee back to health so we can go backpacking! i think hiking is less stressful than soccer, so long as you leave the goats alone.

nice time at dinner last night btw :)



On 06 April 2003 (10:32 PM),
Rich said:

hang in there, j.d. sorry to hear that you are done for the year, but you are still a part of our team and are most welcome at every game, practice, event, etc.

Revelations

I entered college a devout Christian and left it an atheist.

In the decade since graduation my atheism has become more profound but less vocal. Nothing that I have seen or heard or read has indicated to me that there is any sort of supernatural world, any spiritual realm, anything other than this physical world in which we live.

I have not turned my back on religion; religious belief continues to fascinate me, has shaped my life, but for myself, I do not believe.

As anyone, I am the sum of my prior experiences, the totality of all that I have heard, seen, read, and done. These experiences have — for better or worse — been filtered through the sieve of my mind until what remains is the essence of Who I Am.

But who am I?

I am a non-proselytizing atheist whose personal moral convictions are deeply rooted in both the Mormon and Mennonite faiths, those religions of my youth. My convictions are tempered by personal experience and by ideas from authors as diverse as Charles Dickens, Plato, Ursula LeGuin, John Stuart Mills, Ayn Rand, Joseph Campbell, Milan Kundera, Daniel Quinn, Kathleen Norris, Wendell Berry, ad infinitum.

I believe that one’s ultimate responsibility is to oneself and to one’s own happiness insofar as this happiness does not infringe upon the happiness of others.

Though I’m a devout atheist, I try not to be an evangelical atheist. Spiritual evangelism is a curse, a blight upon this world. Spiritual evangelism is responsible for most of the Great Evil that humankind has committed: past, present, and future. If your belief system is sound, if your god is the One True God, then others will come to know it through your actions; you needn’t foist your god upon them. Evangelism is the telemarketing of spirituality. I deplore it.

I deplore it in atheists as I deplore it in the religious.

I’m willing to share my spiritual beliefs (as I’ve done the past three days), but I’m not about to force them upon anyone, to espouse them as true for all people. I do not believe the world would be a better place if everyone were atheist. (Well…)

Spirituality is an individual thing. What is right for me may not be right for you. What is right for you is almost assuredly not right for me.

Though I am an atheist, I continue to grow spiritually. (It is perfectly possible to be spiritual without a belief in any supernatural presence.) Reading is my doorway to enlightenment, as it always has been.

Many of the books I read take religion, or spirituality, as a central theme. Why is this? Do I feel some fundamental lack in my life? Do I pine for god, for salvation?

No.

The quest for spiritual fulfillment has been a central human experience for millennia. It is a primary theme in the book of each person’s life. Naturally this has lead to an enormous body of literature in which religious and spiritual themes are explored. How can one help but read from this pool of books? Why would one want to avoid doing so?

I just finished Moby Dick: here is a book that is deeply spiritual without being religious, a book with spiritual themes applicable to all people, no matter whether they are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, animist, or atheist.

I enjoy reading about characters or ideas with which I disagree. To do so is often enlightening, illuminating myself and others.

I’m evolving. I keep an open mind, consider new ideas. (I see many of my friends and family cling to some idea or other and never let go — they do not grow or change. This works for them, and that’s fantastic. It does not work for me.)

Some of my best friends are Christians. Indeed, it could not be otherwise in this country, a nation in which ninety percent of the population is Christian and ninety-nine percent believe in god. I am friends with these people not because they are Christians, but because of who they are. I don’t care what a person’s religious belief is so long as they do not attempt to impose their beliefs on me.

The people I most admire are those who have undertaken an intellectual and spiritual journey and have ultimately been able to make that Kierkegaardian leap of faith, and who reveal their faith through actions rather than words. Ken Kauffman and Michael Hampton are two that I admire; they are intelligent, learned, and devout. Paul Jolstead (who, incidentally, posted a comment to yesterday’s entry as I finished this one) is making this spirtiual journey, has traded his atheism for agnosticism for spiritualism and, perhaps, religion. His journey is thoughtful and deliberate, stopping at many points to explore ideas he finds along the way. I do not know what point he will reach, but I know it will not be an arbitrary choice, but a result of reading and thought. To an extent, Andrew Cronk is also making this journey.

I try to live a life that adheres to fundamental Christian values (especially Mennonite values), yet a life that does not require a belief in god, and a life that does not focus on the little things. It seems to me that spirituality and religion should not be about the details (“thou shalt not masturbate”, “thou shalt not drink strong drinks”, “thou shalt not eat pork”, etc.), but about the Big Picture instead.

It’s possible for an atheist to be more Christian than most Christians. This seems a worthy goal.

It’s no longer important to me that I be Right, that I find the One True Way. I don’t believe there is One True Way. It’s more important that I live a happy, fulfilled life and that my actions do not interfere with the happiness of those around me.

Yesterday’s entry has engendered several thoughtful responses to this subject. It’s as good a place as any to continue the conversation.

Comments

On 27 November 2002 (12:33 PM),
Dana said:

a) “What is right for you is almost assuredly not right for me.”

b) “…this has lead to an enormous body of literature in which religious and spiritual themes are explored. How can one help but read from this pool of books? Why would one want to avoid doing so?”

Quote a) answers quote b) quite handily. An unspoken assumption of tolerance of others beliefs and actions is that just because you don’t see a reason for it doesn’t mean there isn’t one. It’s wrong or not deserving of respect.

c) “I enjoy reading about characters or ideas with which I disagree. To do so is often enlightening, illuminating myself and others.”

I think this is quite interesting, JD. No matter how much you enjoy reading about characters with which you disagree, you seem to actively dislike TALKING to people with whom you disagree about topics where you don’t see eye to eye.

I wonder if you would enjoy Aegypt, by John Crowley. It’s out of print and my copy got loaned out and not returned years ago. Good book, though, and one of it’s central themes is the evolution of the World View of society as a whole. Sort of.

On 27 November 2002 (12:57 PM),
J.D. said:

Dana, I cannot follow your first point. Could you rephrase it? I understand that you think A answers B, but the verbiage of the second part of your statement loses me…

I don’t think one should avoid being exposed to a body of literature (or anything else) simply because the ideas contained therein might be unpalatable.

I chose a secular school rather than a religious school because it seemed foolish to forego the broader experience. I’ve learned that I like Chinese, Thai, Viatnamese, Indian, Mexican, Ethiopian, and Lebanese foods because I’m open to new things, even I’m happy with what I already eat. Though I’m happy to sample this food, I wouldn’t want to have a steady diet of any one cuisine. “Variety is the spice of life that gives it all its flavor.”

Regarding your second point: I do at time avoid conflict, epsecially when I think it is the best interest of the relationship which is affected by the conflict.

In general, though, I believe I’m quite open to discussing controversial topics with people with whom I disagree.

I am willing to allow for give and take. I share my ideas, I listen to what the other person thinks. I may even incorporate some of what they believe into my own mindset. If the person with whom I’m having the conversation is equally open, I enjoy the conversation.

But if the person with whom I’m having the conversation is open, not willing to consider my viewpoint, is only making a show of listening to my points, I don’t enjoy the conversation. In these instances, it’s like talking to a wall.

Then again, maybe my self-perception differs from others’ perception of me…

On 27 November 2002 (01:46 PM),
Dana said:

Ah, trying to be too minimal for my own good :)

Your second statement ends with:

“How can one help but read from this pool of books? Why would one want to avoid doing so?.”

These questions are written in such a way as to imply that they have a specific answer. The implied answers are that people can’t help but read from this pool of books and that there isn’t a reason for wanting to avoid doing so.

Are those implied answers true? Are they universal? In my opinion, no. And I feel that the first quote I included gives the reason that those implied answers are in fact not universal answers.

To put it another way, I agree with the first quote about what’s right for one not necessarily being right for another. I disagree about there being no reason for avoiding books with religious and spiritual themes. I disagree that people can’t help but read from books on this topic.

(Shrug)

That’s all. Not exactly an earth-shattering revelation or anything :)

On the second topic, I guess I’m probably bringing along baggage from some of our earlier conversations.

I don’t think I’m wrong in lumping myself into the group of friends and family who “cling to an idea” and “never change”, at least in your view.

Some (many?) of our past conversations have left one or both of us frustrated at how pig-headed and uncomprehending the other person is, even though we both see ourselves as emminently reasonable and tolerant people. We are each perceiving the other person as being the unlistening wall, while we each think of ourselves as listening reasonably to the other and comprehending their point of view.

Clearly, one or both of us is wrong on this.

The last time this happened, I spent a lot of time thinking about the circumstances and my own role in our conversation. You ended the conversation rather abruptly because you felt it was putting our friendship at risk, and that avoiding the convlict was better than having the conflict.

I felt no such risk. Your disagreement with me did not make me feel that you were less of a friend, or that I couldn’t talk to you, even if you continued not to (in my perception) get my points.

But clearly either you felt differently, or something I was doing gave you a different impression of how I was feeling.

I guess on some level I see conflict as part of life. Yes, there are times when (and certain people with whom) I desperately avoid it, but on the whole there’s no way for it to be removed entirely, and sometimes I accept and relish it.

I see you as even more conflict-avoidance prone than I am.

(Shrug)

Also, I think you tend to argue your positions more from an emotional place than what I what I would call a logical one. You present emotionally persuasive arguments, not necessarily logical ones. Again, perhaps that’s baggage from earlier arguments we’ve had.

I dunno.

On 27 November 2002 (04:55 PM),
Paul said:

JD,

I still admire your discussion. I hope what I add will not be construed as trying to sway you or proselytizing in any way.

I knew a girl in College that took a liking to me, I have no idea why because she was very religious (conservative Protestant). We spoke about Religion often and I said that I’m not one to believe but that I wish I could. She was trying to win me over to her side (she eventually gave up on a lost cause). I tell you this because I wonder that if that “wishing” I could believe was enough of a seed that led me to where I am now.

A few years later I starting reading Tibetan Buddhist books starting with The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. I collected and read a couple dozen of these and read as much as I could. In one of them it said to let the possibility of belief be an intellectual challenge to oneself, ‘it’s ok if you don’t entirely belive now, just try it out for a while’. Pretty shrewd. I went to a sitting meditation once, sitting, breathing for an hour–longest hour ever.

I even started reading about Islam (as unpolitik as that might be right now). I went to a Friday afternoon meeting and felt about as out of place as a person can be.

I credit W. Berry with getting me to realize that I have a home religion, Christianity, and that there is plenty about the heritage to learn about and honor. I wrestled long and hard about what a “native” religion is (what is native to me a Norwegian/Irish North American, why is Christianity more native than Shinto?).

Another conversation: Sitting at a Canby HS teacher BBQ, drinking beer and talking spirituality with L. Kraxberger. Finally he says, “Oh, so you’re a dilettante?” Blankly I smiled,at first proud of the title then asked, “What’s that?” He said, “Someone who only reads about things but does’t actually DO them…”

Ouch.

That same fact came back a few years later, I can read all I want about this stuff but it’s just an intellectual exercise until I actually do something, meaning jump in and see what it’s truly like.

One of the hardest things I’ve done is to walk in the door of the church for the first time on my own terms(that is, not because my Mom and Dad were going).

Again, thanks for your candor JD it’s given me permission to do likewise. Sorry it’s so wordy.

Paul

On 27 November 2002 (07:18 PM),
Tammy said:

JD I too admire your openness in discussing this. I just can’t help but think of Uncle Steve (your Dad) and I know that he would want me to say the things to you that I am saying. JD the reason Christians are so evangelical is because they believe that when one dies they will go to hell to burn forever if they do not except Jesus as Saviour and Lord of their lives. When one believes in a real hell one must be evangelistic . We do not want our loved ones to go there! I am evangelistic. I am NOT evangelistic because I am an arguementative person. I am evangelistic because I love people and cannot bear to know that they will suffer an eternity in hell. Thats the long and the short of it.
And Paul if you’re still reading this I forgot to say earlier that I commend you in your search for God! May you find His peace in your home and in your heart this season! Love to all and especially to my baby cousin JD!

On 06 December 2004 (01:01 PM),
Greg said:

JD, thanks for some honest questions. I wonder if anyone spoke to you of Jesus Christ? He claims to be God, The Word and other things. If true, what He had recorded about himself is, by definition, very important, but then maybe He was just crazy. If you read what He says carefully you will find that He could not be half right, as some are wont to say. As is famously said, He is mad, bad or God – those are the only choices. I can understand anyone who makes one of those three choices, but cannot understand how anyone can choose anything different.
Greg

Exodus

I entered Willamette University in the fall of 1987 intent on becoming a Christian missionary to South America, followed by a career as a pastor in the Mennonite Church. My course selections reflected these goals.

During my first semester, I joined Young Life, a Bible study group on campus, but found the group left me unfulfilled. Its members were petty and reclusive, the group insular. It reminded me more of the Mormon youth group I had fled than of the Mennonite youth group I had embraced. Young Life did nothing to improve my esteem of fellow Christians.

Willamette was a shock to me. Or, more precisely, the myriad opinions on campus were a shock to me. Canby High School provided me a good education, but an education in an environment in which opinion was essentially uniform. Opinion on Willamette’s campus was diverse. My freshman seminar, World Views, included people with decidedly different opinions than my own. In fact, World Views would be the most influential class I took at Willamette.

World Views focused on the literature of Victorian England and the sea change that occurred in that country during the nineteenth century. It featured readings from Bernard Shaw, John Stuart Mill, Harriet Taylor, Charles Darwin, Karl Marx, Mary Shelley, Charles Dickens, and more. These were great minds, pillars of genius. I was staggered by the intellectual heights to which these men and women aspired. I dutifully read the assignments, but rejected most of their ideas; they did not fit with my Christ-centric conception of the universe.

Still, they had a cumulative effect.

By the end of my first semester at Willamette, I was overwhelmed. In only three months I had been exposed to a broad range of ideas (feminist theory, utilitarianism, communism, evolutionary biology, etc.), ideas that had changed the course of Empire. What chance had my mind against such might? My belief system was being shaken at its very foundation.

In the final paper for World Views, I wrote: “What I say is what I feel and not what I know. I know little but I feel much. Perhaps you should not attack me with knowledge but with feelings.”

This statement is telling. It illustrates my state of mind.

For years I had been transported by a euphoric religious fervor. My beliefs made me feel good, but I had never accepted God on an intellectual level. In fact, I had staunchly refused to engage in intellectual debates regarding the existence of, or nature of, God. I kept the conversation on a strictly personal, emotional level. I felt God in my life — or so I believed — buy my mind was not ready to tackle the topic; I had not even made a Kantian “leap of faith” (nor do most Christians). Despite having read a fair number of Christian apologists, I had merely bought into a philosophy and a culture that made me feel good.

(Aside: Now that I am older (and wiser?), I have no qualms with a person who buys into a philosophy and a culture that makes that person feel good so long as this “buying in” does not interfere with my happiness. There are actually times that I wish I could buy into Chrisitanity — the community of spirit has its appeals.)

During the writing of the aforementioned final paper, I first began to doubt the validity of my own beliefs: “I worship. You worship differently. Who is right? Let’s play a game: I’ll flip a god, you call heads or tails.” It seemed to me that my belief in the God of Christianity was perhaps arbitrary, based more on geography, culture, and chance than on the truth of God’s existence.

By the end of the paper, it was clear to me that my faith was on the line: “Next semester I will take Study of Major Religious Texts. Let’s see how well my dwindling faith responds now! Let’s see some proof. I want fire from heaven. Question everything. I’m waiting.”

That’s what my first semester at Willamette taught me to do: question everything. (And this helps and hinders me to this day, fifteen years later.)

I ended the paper by describing my reaction to all that I’d learned during that semester at college: “I fall to my knees and I pray. To a God that I’m thinking of giving my two weeks notice. I don’t know if he hears.”

(Incidentally: this paper to which I keep referring was pivotal in my intellectual development, but it was surely non-standard. It was hand-written in four colors of ink, written as an internal dialogue (not a monologue) that never addressed the essay topic (which was something like: describe the roles that Mill, Marx, Darwin, and Dickens played in shaping nineteenth century intellectual development). I was too self-absorbed at this point, too consumed by my own personal transformation at the hands of these authors to completely tackle the Big Picture. Professor Loftus refused to give me a grade for the assignment.)

I started my first semester at Willamette devoted to God, ready to spend my life in his toil.

I started my second semester at Willamette questioning God, challenging him: “Prove to me that you exist.”

My focal point during that semester was Introduction to Major Religious Texts. The course was less an objective survey of major religions than it was a Christian analysis of them. Still, it was enough to push me into the corner with the agnostics.

We studied the book of Job, a book I found ludicrous. God, as portrayed in Job, is a capricious child, wagering with Satan over the faith of a righteous man. God torments Job sadistically, as if He were a boy with a magnifying class, burning the ants. Is this the God I worshipped?

We studied Gilgamesh as a “primitive” religious text, yet it seemed no more primitive than the Old Testament. We studied the Bhaagavad-Gita, but I wasn’t impressed with Krishna and the demands he placed on his worshippers. They were like the demands that Jehovah (or Yahweh, or Whoever) placed on His followers.

Every religion we studied was, in its own way, a method by which humans could cope with a seemingly meaningless existence on the Earth. (This seems obvious now, but was revelatory at the time.) I moved from the camp of the Christian Existentialists to the camp of the Existentialists.

I was not long for existentialism; the philosophy was too nihilistic for me. I did toil among the ranks of the agnostics for a time, though, and this caused my carefully planned life to crumble. My life goals were no longer valid; there aren’t many agnostic missionaries. I fumbled around for a semester or two before deciding that psychology offered my best choice for a career. (Look where that got me!)

My last three years at Willamette were a gradual progression from agnosticism to atheism. As I read more widely, as I became more frequently exposed to the principles of the scientific method (also here), essentially the more I learned, the weaker my faith became until all that was left was an understanding that not only is there no God, there are no supernatural phenomena at all. No angels, no ghosts, no spirits, no life force, nothing. There is life, and that, itself, is awesome.

Still, I longed for a purpose to this life that only religion had been able to provide me.

[… to be continued …]

Comments

On 26 November 2002 (10:04 PM),
Tammy said:

Now JD did you really expect thatI would let this one go uncommented on? Lol JD you read all those books yet I wonder, Have you ever read the Bible from cover to cover? If not then why make a decision on God and who He is without first reading everything he has to say? My religion class at the college shook the very foundations of what I had learned growing up. I took a different route then you tho. When that happened to me I dug deep into Gods inspired Word to discover who he really was. My faith began to buld itself once more. You know JD God does not have to prove himself to anybody. “He is God and beside Him there is none else~” The Bible speaks of those “those that are ever learning and never coming to a knowledge of the truth”. Jesus also says that unless you become as children you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. All the knowledge in the world will not bring you to Christ. Proverbs says, “The fool has said in his heart there is no God”. JD the only place to find God is on your knees. Forget the books; read the Bible! And unless you have read it from Genesis to Revelation then you have not given it a fair chance. I hope the end of the story will be that you have discovered that God cannot be boxed into our little minds but that by faith we must know that he is God! “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING: in all thy ways acknowledge HIM and HE shall diect your path.”

On 27 November 2002 (08:33 AM),
Paul said:

I am very interested in your jouney. I too have made a similar journey but in reverse. I went (am going) from non-belief to some sort of belief I’m not able to discribe as of yet. I look forward to hearing more about yours.

One thing though. You too easily dismiss your earlier “feelings” of God. You don’t give this feeling as much credence as your intellectual
beliefs. Isn’t this the classic mind/body split that has plagued us for so long. This split is the Great Mistake of Western Thought (wow). Weren’t those feelings some sort of Faith? Most people would like to have some sort of feeling, some strive their whole life for it, some never get it. I don’t think people want some doe-eyed, pious, naive feeling but something akin to Knowing (more than just intellectual). [Again, I’ll refer you to Brother Wendell in his “Sex, Economy, Freedom & Community.” His essay about Christianity’s culpability in the spoiling of the environment begins with a examination of the creation story (Genesis again) in that mankind is not made: breath + clay = man (the split) but rather breath + clay = soul. It’s still interesting to note that the etymology (sp?) of Adam and soil are the same (adama) so Adam is made from the soil.]

As long as I’m spouting off: There are forms of Christianity that don’t ascribe to the practice of Sola Scriptura (scripture only) that Tammy espouses…

Paul
Alexandria, VA

On 27 November 2002 (10:44 AM),
Scott said:

Religion as a word points essentially, I think, to that area of human experience where in one way or another man happens upon mystery as a summons to pilgrimage, a come-all-ye; where he is led to suspect the reality of splendors that he cannot name; where he senses meaning no less overwhelming because they can only be hinted at in myths and rituals, in foolish, left-handed games and cloudy novels; where in great laughter perhaps and certain silences he glimpses a destination that he can never know fully until he reaches it. To the many in the world who wistfully or scornfully would deny ever having such experiences, the answer, I suspect, is that we are all of us more mystics than we believe or choose to believe – life is complicated enough as it is, after all, and I don’t know why the trees are angry. We have seen more than we let on, even to ourselves. Through some moment of beauty or pain, some sudden turning of our lives, through some horror of the twelve o’clock news, some dream, some breakfast on the first and last of all our days, we catch glimmers at least of what the saints are blinded of. Only then, unlike the saints, more pigs always than heroes, we tend to go on as though nothing has happened. To go on as though something has happened even though we are not sure what it was or just where we supposed to go with it, is to enter that dimension of life that religion is a word for.

On 27 November 2002 (10:57 AM),
Tammy said:

Hmmmm and what form of Christianity would that be? Do they then call themselves Christian? I too have read other books but I’m just trying to say that salvation and faith are very simple and one needs no other book, or books, other than the Bible to point them to the Truth and the Life. Truly the Bible is enough. Why should one read others interpretation of the Bible rather than the Bible itself. The problem with embracing the Bible as the inspired word of God is that it is just too simple for intellects to grasp. They think that there has to be more. They cannot grasp even the first four words of the Bible, “In the beginning God…” So they turn to evolution and slowly their faith erodes. And slowly they work out their own faith. They move into the “twilight zone”; that time in their lives when the Light meets darkness. From there they move to evening and then finally into the darkness itself. That is a very sad state to be in. One must hang onto faith. Without faith there really is no existence. We all have faith in something than why is it so hard to have faith in God? Curious, Tammy

On 27 November 2002 (11:00 AM),
Tammy said:

Wow Scott I like that!

On 27 November 2002 (04:11 PM),
said:

“Do they call themselves Christians?”

Yes, they call themselves Christians. I’m not dismissing scripture at all but merely suggesting that there is more than the Bible. There is tradition, lives of the Saints, there is Communion (the Eucharist). Some groups see that the Eucharist is central theme or event that their community revolves around.

It takes quite a bit of faith to believe that it is truly the Blood and Body of Christ of which one partakes at Communion (and not Kool-aid and wonder bread).

Golly, the waters getting pretty deep around here…[the “me” of 5 years ago would be rolling on the ground laughing at the “me” of now and what I just wrote.]

Paul

Genesis

When I was young, I bought wholesale into the religion of my parents, as all children do.

A child accepts all that he is taught without question. He is taught to love and obey his parents, and to trust their guidance. If his parents tell him, “It is so,” then it must be so.

Even the most fantastic stories in this way become truth to a young mind.

In my family, the truth was that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and that he had discovered golden plates which revealed another testament of Jesus Christ. The truth was that Nephi and Omni and Moroni and the other prophets of the Book of Mormon were also prophets of God. The truth was that this life was but a temporal manifestation of a grand, extended spiritual existence, an existence that existed prior to physical birth, and an existence that would continue eternally after death.

The truth was also that we could not drink coffee or tea or cola; on Sundays, we did nothing but attend church (as a child, the few times that we ever went to the grocery store on the Sabbath left me feeling dirty, unclean); we had Family Home Evening on Monday nights; we never took the Lord’s Name in vain; we bore our testimonies on Fast Sunday; we attended primary, seminary, priesthood; we called adults Brother Watson and Sister Smith; we lived in an insular world.

The truth is: I was happy as a child in this church.

The truth is: I became an unhappy young adult in this church.

My parents were very open-minded with us children. I do not remember them explicitly encouraging us to read, to explore, to ask questions, but they certainly never discouraged us. My father, himself, asked many questions and was not afraid to challenge the status quo.

As a result, I nurtured a curious mind. I read. I devoured books. I mostly tried to avoid that which might pollute my thinking, but I read everything else that was available.

(I can remember resisting The Great Brain series for years because I knew it made fun of Mormons. I finally succumbed when Tamati (Tom) Hall and his brother, Alan, loaned me the books. They were good Mormons. How could The Great Brain books be bad if recommended by good Mormons?

Skip the next paragraph if you are easily offended.

Curiously, Tom and Alan were also responsible for introducing me to another very non-Mormon book: Mortal Gods. Leaving aside the title (very ironic in this case), this slim science fiction novel was corruptive because it was the first book I’d ever read that contained sexual content. The book, totally unremarkable in every other respect, was responsible for my first masturbatory experience at the age of nine or ten. This was a Big Deal. Even more so than other religions, Mormons frown upon masturbation, and go to great lengths to discourage it.

A Science Fiction Book club mailer was bound inside Mortal Gods. The books I received from joining the club inspired me to start writing my own science-fiction and fantasy stories. Fast forward twenty years to this weblog.

Finally, the Great Brain’s younger brother is called J.D. This is a large portion of the etymology of my name; The Great Brain books were popular in Canby when I was in fourth and fifth grades.

Looking back, that evening when Tom and Alan, in all ignorance, loaned me The Great Brain and Mortal Gods had a tremendous impact on my life. Who would have guessed?

(On a purely geeky note — the date this event occurred could probably be determined because I remember that a version of H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine was being shown on television. Let’s check the Internet Movie Database. Aha! 05 November 1978 — a Sunday evening, as I suspected. Why can I remember this but not remember to pick up milk on the way home from work?) )

I’ve never really known why my parents chose to leave the Mormon church. For myself, I may have stopped going if they had not. During junior high and my freshman year in high school, I began to have serious doubts about the church, not because of its theology so much as its all-too-human flaws. People were petty. They gossiped. They stole. They lied. I told myself that no church founded on God would have members that behaved this way.

(To be fair, this behavior can be found in congregations of any religion. At the time, though, it seemed, to me, to be localized to the ward of the church to which I belonged. I took it as a sign of corruption. My adolescent mind longed for purpose, for a righteous God, but could not find it in that spiritual environment.)

We left the Mormon church and turned to Zion Mennonite, the congregation in which my father was raised.

I was fortunate that my peers at Zion were friendly; they went out of their way to include me in their activities. This, in and of itself, seemed to me a radical change from the cliquish nature of the Mormon youth. I felt wanted. I belonged.

The brand of Christianity to which Zion Mennonite adhered in the mid-80s was a marvelous blend of strict Biblical theology and modern liberalism. To be sure, the Zion philosophy would have looked positively conservative to most liberals, but the members seemed generally open to new ideas, were willing to discuss possibilities so long as they were rooted in the teachings of Christ.

Mormonism had been inculcated upon me as a child, but I bought into the Anabaptist philosophy on my own, and with my entire being. These Mennonites were pacifists; they were not evangelical; they were thoughtful and caring; they stressed love: agape and philia; some members even asked questions and discussed religion on an intellectual level. Most of all, Zion felt like home in a way that the Mormon church never did. (In truth, it still feels like home.)

For three years I devoted myself to this brand of Christianity. It was liberating.

I was active in the congregation’s Mennonite Youth Fellowship (or MYF). (Today many of my closest companions are from that MYF circle of friends.) I read Dostoevsky and Kierkegaard and other Christian existentialists. I volunteered to lead Bible studies. (My favorite was a friendship-themed Bible study that featured The Velveteen Rabbit as a supplementary text.)

At this time, three disparate aspects of my life converged: my devotion to God, the Mormon emphasis on missionary work that I learned as a child, and the 1986 film The Mission, in which a Jesuit priest attempts to convert South American natives. At the end of high school, I decided that what I wanted most, what God had called me to do, was to become a missionary to those less fortunate than myself.

When I left for college, my intention was to train to become a missionary to South America.

But something happened on the way to that place.

[… to be continued …]

Comments

On 25 November 2002 (02:43 PM),
J.D. said:

I should point out two things:

1. I harbor no ill will toward Mormons or toward Mormonism. I recognize now that the problems I had with the congregation of which I was a member might have been present in any congregation of any denomination. There are good Mormon folk and there are bad Mormon folk. And Mormonism itself is, to me, just another religion.

2. One early source of doubt stemmed from the Mormon habit of stating “I know this Church is true” while giving a testimony before the church. Testimonies themselves seem to be unique to the Mormon church. (Essentially, one bears his testimony by standing in the midst of the congregation and professing his belief in the Mormon church and doctrines.) Even as a child I wondered how I could know the church was true. What did that mean? I had received no divine revalation. I had no other churches with which to compare it. How could I know the church was true?

Amen.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

By Saturday afternoon it had become clear that my knee wasn’t going to be sufficiently recovered to allow me to play in today’s soccer game. I wasn’t about to let my body to give me no for an answer; I’d been looking forward to this game for seven weeks, had spent too much of the season injured.

I pulled a Brett Favre.

In the twelve hours before the game, I took ibuprofen and hydrocodone in an effort to alleviate the pain. It worked. To combat the drowsiness these two drugs produced, I consumed a large quantity of caffeine. It worked.

Before the game I warmed up tentatively. Though jumping was painful, I felt I could play the game and help the team. And I did. For fifteen minutes. Then my knee gave out and, through the barrier of drugs I had erected, came a stabbing pain.

My actions leading up this point were foolish, but to my credit I did the right thing and yielded to my body. Cheikh finished the game in the net and did a fine job. I limped around the sideline and cheered the team.

I find that I like goalkeeping now that I’ve had a taste of it. I’d like to play keeper for the FC Saints in the spring, if possible, but I cannot help the team if my body is not strong enough to resist injury. My goal this winter is to become more physically fit, not only continuing my weight loss, but also building strength in my legs.

Meanwhile, I’ve got to do something about this knee. The hydrocodone and ibuprofen have worn off and the knee is causing me a lot of pain.

I’m so stupid sometimes: I thought I was being clever by deceiving my body so that I could play, but I was only being an idiot.

I’m going to miss soccer. I’m also going to miss the post-game bridge games that Mac, Pam, Joel, and I have had the last several weeks.

Still, I’ll have more free time now.

Comments

On 12 November 2002 (07:11 PM),
Pam said:

what do you mean, miss sunday bridge games? now we have ALL day to play!

Better Living Through Wireless

I was beginning to believe I’d be able to make it through the rest of the soccer season without another injury. Last week I felt 100% for the first time all season, and this past Sunday was going well, too.

Until.

Until about fifteen minutes into the second half.

FC Saints had played well, managing to hold a 1-1 tie with one of the toughest teams in the league. A striker came blazing down the left side of the field but Brice managed to kick the ball from him, sending it toward our end line. I darted out from the net and booted the ball back upfield, but my momentum carried me to the side. I planted my foot to stop and pain. My knee went *crunch* and I dropped to the ground.

sigh

There is some minor swelling in the knee, and it’s moderately painful. It’s very painful when I try to walk up or down steps and when I try to pivot. Rest, ice, compression, and elevation: these are my friends. Perhaps if I take it easy, the knee will have improved enough that I can play in the game vs. Reed on Sunday, the game I’ve been looking forward to for seven weeks.

How’s the novel coming along?

It isn’t.

I have the plot mapped in my head but I have exactly zero words written.

Better living through wireless:

  • Thursday, Kris and I went to see Spirited Away but we couldn’t find the Fox Tower theater. Also, we realized that we needed to send e-mail to Aimee. We had the iBook with us so we drove around until we found a wireless node (it didn’t take much driving) and we sent the email and we googled the theater’s address. Awesome!
  • I loaned my PC laptop to Joel, forgetting to update my fantasy football league before doing so. (The fantasy football league’s software is currently only installed on the laptop.) Sunday morning, before the soccer game, I unborrowed the laptop from Joel and drove around until I found another wireless node, and then I ftped the league database and uploaded this week’s lineups to the web site. Awesome!

Dave, in true lawyer fashion challenged me on “leeching” wireless bandwidth:

Do you know that you were using a public node? If not, don’t you think that you’re trespassing by using someone else’s property/equipment/bandwidth? After all, if I left my front door unlocked does that make it right to wander into my house and plug your computer into my switch and start surfing the net?

Food for thought, yes — and we exchanged several long emails on this topic — but not enough to make me believe that use of a publicly accessible wireless node is a Bad Thing.

Kris and I rewatched Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone. It’s better than I remember it, though the ending is still too noisy and spastic.

Comments

On 05 November 2002 (09:51 AM),
mac said:

hope your knee feels better. Knees are tough to heal in my experience. Minor injuries to ligaments take long periods of time due to a lack of blood supply. Hopefully this is not the case for you and you’ll be ready to go against the “–ther —-ers” from Reed.

I don’t know if I’d like someone using my wireless access for their own personal use especially if they could access my computer files.



On 04 December 2002 (11:37 PM),
Ron Roth said:

To get to the Fox Tower Theater take I-5 to I-405, take the 6th street exit and get in the left lane and stay in it until you have to turn left. After turning left, the Fox Tower is the entire 2nd block on the right. It sits between Broadway and Park and the theater entrance is on the Park Street side of the building.

adhesive capsulitis

i went to the doctor today to see about my sore shoulder.

after taking down a little history of the problem, he poked and prodded my shoulder, lifted and lowered my arm, and had me perform a variety of twists and turns to test my range of motion.

in the end, he decided that i was suffering from adhesive capsulitis, or “frozen shoulder”. he noted that this condition was generally found in sedentary smokers. (while i may be somewhat sedentary (alright — maybe a lot sedentary), i’m not a smoker.) it can be found in anyone, though, and nobody really knows what causes it. (more articles on it can be found here, here, here, here, here and here.)

the most troubling fact to emerge from the research i’ve done is that the condition generally lasts a year or more (average recovery time is eighteen months). this is alarming.

let me be blunt: i am in a hell of a lot of pain. i can’t imagine being in this much pain for a year.

what can be done?

to start with, the doctor gave me a cortisone injection. in theory, this should relieve the inflammation in the shoulder. (in actuality, it’s just made the shoulder sorer, at least during these first few hours after the injection.)

he also upped my hydrocodone dosage from “one or two before bed” to “once every four hours”. and he gave me a stronger anti-inflammatory.

in the long-term, once the pain has been arrested, i’m too start a course of physical therapy. (actually, the doctor seemed a tad miffed that i was unable to lift my arm twenty minutes after he gave me the cortisone injection. sorry, doc. i gave it my best.)

i know all this talk about my ailment is wearisome. believe me: it’s even more wearisome to me. i get to look forward to another night of sleeping on the recliner in front of the tv, tossing and turning, waking every hour or two because of the pain, surfing through the endless sea of informercials and three’s company reruns.

Comments

On 14 October 2002 (05:18 AM),
maureen c said:

I had Adhesive Capsulitis 12 years ago in my left shoulder. Now I have it again in my right. I’m hoping to find a group of people who might want to start a chat room or bulletin board… gotta do something besides watching those reruns…

Let me know…

On 15 March 2003 (06:50 PM),
Carol E. said:

I was recently told by my doctor that I have adhesive capsulitis. My doctor didn’t explain much about it to me so I did some research of my own and what I found was not encouraging. I cannot imagine living with this much pain for a year or longer. I have been taking the anti-inflammatory medications for weeks and have had to stop due to stomach problems. I had an MRI a couple of days ago, don’t have results yet. The worst part is not being able to sleep at night! I’m worn out already and it’s only been 7 weeks.
I don’t know anyone personally who has had this. It’s nice to know someone else out there knows what I’m going through.

On 16 March 2003 (12:37 PM),
J.D. said:

Originally I thought I had a pinched nerve from playing soccer, but my doctor diagnosed it as adhesive capsulitis. Like you, I did research, and I was *not* encouraged but what I found: people with this condition seem to suffer for months, if not years. Fortunately, the condition lasted less than a month for me. Others, such as yourself, are not so lucky.

I’m not sure what you can do if anti-inflammatories aren’t working for you. I took Alleve and/or ibuprofen, depending on the day. My doctor also gave me a prescription for hydrocodone, which is like vicodin, which is derived, distantly, from opium. This didn’t alleviate the pain — I always felt it — but it did make it less significant. By this I mean that I could tell that the shoulder still hurt, and I didn’t regain *any* range of motion with it, but my brain didn’t focus on the pain. Unfortunately, taking a hydrocodone pill every three or four hours rendered me a zombie.

I wish I could give you more encouragement. The best I can offer is: hang in there. You might get lucky like I did and have the pain just go away!

On 25 March 2003 (12:03 PM),
suzanne said:

I was just diagnosed today with adhesive capsulitis. My shoulder has been hurting for about 6 months and I am getting very depressed. UGH! The doctor prescribed ultracet for pain, something to help me sleep, and physical therapy.
I started looking on the internet for information and came across this. Are you feeling better and what has helped?

Best wishes,

suzanne

On 26 March 2003 (11:55 AM),
Linda said:

Hi Everyone…….Don’t understand this chat group….with NO e-mail to write back to each other to help one another. I too need to talk to someone that is going through this horrible pain. Please e-mail me at BeautyandtheBeast@centurytel.net Linda

On 01 April 2003 (01:07 PM),
Sharron said:

My arm and shoulder had been hurting for the past few weeks and the pain would be so bad that I would have to just grasp my arm and hold my breath!!! Went to two bone crackers with no luck. Got on the web and looked up arm pain and got to www.frozenshoulder.com and was like WOW they are talking about me. I am also distressed about the length of time this is going to last…and sleeping is getting harder all the time as I love to sleep with my right arm (bad one) under my pillow…goodbye for that.
Well,my oldest daughter is a Doctor..and she said that is sure what I do have….I have no medical insurance and from reading all I have about this it would seem to me that getting a bunch of tests is a waste of money and the injections can even make it worse. I would love to hear from anyone else that has been though this, tell me how long you have had it and how bad did it get? I can still use the computer…
just the range of motion is what is bad now.
Look foward to hearing from any of you.
I am 55 female.

On 17 October 2003 (08:31 PM),
susan said:

I had surgery for this 2 months ago and I still cannot put my arm behind my back or on my hip..physical therapy is painful and I ahve been going 3 times a week. My arm is better than it was before surgery ,as it was frozen in front and I could not lift it and the pain was enough to make me fall to my knees…sleep was illusive..so the surgery was helpful as I do not have pain all day, just when I try to move it where it doesn’t want to go, but the pain is tolerable. I take one half lorcet before therapy.
The surgery shaved off a bone spur, fixed a rent in my shoulder cuff and fixed an impingement, there was also a manipulation of the shoulder to break up the adhesions. The recovery from surgery was the most pain I have ever felt, I cried for several days and the pain pills didn’t seem to help…if you have surgery take your pain pills before the nerve block wears off! The pain backs off after a few days and becomes manageable but takes a good month to lighten up.
I still wake up at night but it is getting better! I look forward to the day when I ahve my arm back to normal ,or close to normal range, and hopefully no pain! hang in there !!

On 13 November 2003 (04:19 PM),
olga said:

Just had an arthroscopy done on my frozen shoulder
the doc broke up the scar tissue, PT is a killer
my frozen shoulder was so bad that I could not use
my arm.It still hurts terribly, really no better
after surgery except some increased movement. Pain
pills are a joke even Vicodin. I have had this for
over a year. Still can’t sleep at night toss and
turn every 2-3 hours. anyone out there has any
new thoughts on the matter. I am also using
the Topical Verapamile, just started, I need to
use it 60 days x 2. By the way I am a nurse,
believe me I have thought of everything. I have
heard there is some experimental trials in NY>
will research info.

On 10 January 2004 (07:31 PM),
Mary said:

I too have had surgery for adhesive capsulitis and a manipulation as well! Very painful! I had surgery back in March of 03 and March of ’04 is coming up! Iam still in P.T. once a week, but I still have pain-bearable mor or less, but I don’t think it will ever be the same again! Iam starting to wonder if it just me, or what! I still can’t sleep on it and night is the worst time! Anyone have any suggestions?? E-mail me directly if you wish! Thanks, Mary

On 12 January 2004 (06:48 PM),
Charlotte said:

Hi,
Have developed “frozen shoulder” on my right side – had it about 6 years ago on left.
I have a specific question re the 3phases..freezing, frozen and thawed. Apparently, the early, ‘freezing’ stage is most acute and I understand that practically none of the therapies: physical, drug, surgical are effective during this phase.
WEll, that is where I am and about to invest 600-700 dollars in deep tissue massage. It brought the other shoulder back years ago, but I believe I was at a different phase.

Does anyone have a good understanding of what’s possible in the various phases?

Thanks, Charlotte

On 12 January 2004 (06:48 PM),
Charlotte said:

Hi,
Have developed “frozen shoulder” on my right side – had it about 6 years ago on left.
I have a specific question re the 3phases..freezing, frozen and thawed. Apparently, the early, ‘freezing’ stage is most acute and I understand that practically none of the therapies: physical, drug, surgical are effective during this phase.
WEll, that is where I am and about to invest 600-700 dollars in deep tissue massage. It brought the other shoulder back years ago, but I believe I was at a different phase.

Does anyone have a good understanding of what’s possible in the various phases?

Thanks, Charlotte

On 18 January 2004 (09:51 PM),
christie reid said:

Reading the posts don’t give much comfort. Any advise before its too late for me!!!
My dr. wants to schedule manipulation under anthesia next week for frozen shoulder. Somehow Im wondering if I really want this done. Could I possibly get thru this without the surgery. Im a sucker when it comes to pain.

On 22 January 2004 (09:05 AM),
Peeps said:

Hi,

It has been really interesting to read the comments here from fellow frozen shoulder sufferers. For myself, the fact that nothing much seems to work and that it lasts for at least a year (!) has been some comfort. I began to feel I was just useless. I was sent to a chiropractor by my Personal Trainer and the arm got steadily worse!

My shoulder began to freeze in July last year and now has very little range of movement. The question I would like answered is “If you do nothing at all and wait for it to unfreeze, can you start physiotherapy at that stage?” I find exercises quite painful and really annoying! Lack of sleep is a problem too.

The worst bit for me has been a few occasions when I have put my hand out to stop from tripping over, or got an electric shock off the car and grabbed the arm back quickly. The pain was so intense I just had to squat down, hold my arm and swear (A LOT!!).

I am still looking for answers but mainly waiting to unfreeze and then I might think about exercises. I swim, if you can call it that, in a very leisurely fashion. It’s nice to have the arm float free in the water.

Good luck everyone.

Will report back if a miracle happens!

On 03 February 2004 (05:19 PM),
maureen said:

I found a GREAT forum for frozen shoulder. I’ve been a contributor for more than a year, and there are lots of people on it, with lots of great stories, support and information. Here is the site:

http://www.shoulder1.com/community/forums20.cfm/126

You have to register to contribute, but it’s fast and easy and I never get any spam from them.

See you there!

— Maureen

On 11 February 2004 (05:32 PM),
Joanne said:

Hi, I was wondering if anyone knows the difference between FS occuring after rotator cuff repair as compared to spontaneously ???? I have it after a rotator cuff repair, and I wish I never did it!!! I am going to fairly aggresive PT and have already done the manipulation +cortisone . Rotator cuff surgery was in November and manipulation was 2 weeks ago. The problem I am having is that my Dr. acts so surprised by my pain! He continuously wants me to go off or decrease my pain pills (tylenol with codeine at present) I don’t sleep well. The only thing that helps at night is ice. I leave it on until it’s warm………….. My Dr. wants to do another MRi (one after surgery showed Maybe a new tear in the cuff) I am going to get another opinion but any comments????? This guy is supposed to be the best and people think I’m crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ParkerPlace7@aol.com

On 26 February 2004 (08:16 AM),
pippa said:

Ohmigosh! It sounds very similar to what I am going through. I had bone spur/rotator cuff surgery 10 weeks ago, and have completely hit a wall. I can passively lift my arm straight up, but can only raise it by itself about 100 degrees. I can see in the mirror that there is no rotation in the joint at all – it looks like a baseball on top raising. My doctor just says, “That’s all you can do? Keep working,” but there has been little to no change for weeks. I keep beating myself up because I’m not progressing, but then started looking at what was going on. No meds have been prescribed, so I’ve started treating myself: aspirin for inflamation, heating pads and BenGay-type rubs for circulation, have started taking glucosamine and MSM – and now my insurance plan’s PT coverage is running out (20 visits per calendar year). If this is frozen shoulder and time is necessary to heal, I wonder if I should continue at $100/visit, when these treatments are not helping (doing my exercises at home, of course)? And has anyone tried the Neil-Asher treatments (frozenshoulder.com)? I am so ready to be normal again! and so frustrated!!

On 15 March 2004 (07:18 PM),
Cyndy said:

I share everyone’s frustrations. My doc also wants to get aggressive. I’m only 5 months into this and am wondering if I should go ahead. It sounds tempting to get some pain relief, but there’s always the chance that it will be worse afterwards. One thing I’ve tried that helps some is a salve called Unkers. Some oldtimers at my church swear by it. When you use it and then apply a heating pad, it sort of intensifies the heat and eases the muscle pain some. You can order it on the net. I hope everyone has a TENS unit. You can’t use it 24/7, but when it’s really bad or you have to be sitting in a meeting, it really helps. Also found some research that says psychological stress and the weather make the pain worse. (As if being in constant pain isn’t stressful!) All the best to fellow sufferers.
Cyndy

On 16 March 2004 (07:36 AM),
janet said:

8 yrs ago, i had frozen shoulder, by the time i went to doc, so much muscle had wasted. Went to pt 3x weekly for 6 wks, stopped going and did exercises at home…..cured…now, i have a problem in other shoulder….did not feel quite the same , but told it is frozen shoulder,rotator cuff tear. Going for MRI today—doc also want to manipulate possibly depending on MRi—very limited motion up, back—-hurts to lift patients on my job=

On 16 April 2004 (10:12 PM),
Juli said:

I too,have adhesive capsulitis in my left shoulder. This was quite a surprise to me as I have always been physically active and my chosen profession is massage therapy. I have been a massage therapist for 17 years and have addressed FS on many occaisions. Two years ago I began teaching massage therapy and became somewhat inactive as a practitioner. Inactivity, I have since found, is one of the major contributors to FS. One of the most important discoveries I have made is that it really helps to drink water on a regular basis. We are all human and it is easy to overlook drinking water for other more satisfying beverages. Most times, FS is medically addressed with Occupational Therapy (OT), Physical Therapy (PT), Cortisone injections, or various approaches with surgery. Sometimes this works. However, alternative methods with specific massage applications can bring relief, allow for sleep, increase range of motion (ROM) and relieve FS altogether. I too, (even though an MT) have tried going to chiropractors, doctors, PT’s and OT’s for a diagnosis and relief with little or no success, til I met an OT at the VA hospital with years of success working with FS sufferers. She was the first to suspect I might have frozen shoulder. I took it for granted that I just “overused” my shoulder with years of performing massage, but this did not make sense to me, because I did not have it on the right shoulder. After my referred visit to Osteo at the VA, the diagnosis was confirmed. The doctor laid out all my options, but did not have any inkling if or how massage would or could address my pain and lack of movement. Personally, I knew better and decided right then to include massage into my rehab plan. I opted for the protocol that my past clients have utilized and that is consistant water intake, little or no caffiene (affects nerve activity within muscles and tendons), nothing that would dehydrate my tissues (diuretics, water pills, or alcoholic drinks), OT and massage therapy. I am in my second week of this routine and already I am enjoying more movement with less pain. (I can even put my arm behind my back to zip up a skirt-something I have not been able to do for 18 months!) My OT has me doing several exercises, but not to the point of pain. Four of the most beneficial exercises for me use a pully and hanging weights. The pully exercises use a portable pully that fits over any door and once the door is closed you place a chair about 1-2 feet facing away from the door. Sitting in the chair, you would grasp the handles with thumbs posistioned in the “up” position and pulling on the handles, raise the unaffected arm first and then the affected side. Once the affected side is stretched to capacity, hold it there for 5-10 seconds to maximize the stretch. Do not pull so hard that there is excruciating pain. This only aggravates the stretch response (built into muscles for protection against tears in the tissue) Eventually your time for holding the stretch will increase and your movement will improve. Another exercise with the pully is to stretch from a “side-sitting” position with the affected side closest to the door, but place the chair so that the shoulder is in line with the pully. Sitting too far back or too far forward will make the exercises ineffective. Again, have the chair sitting out from the door 1-2 feet. As you gain more movement, the chair can be moved further out from the door. Same with the previous exercise. The “hanging weight” exercises consist of a two pound wrist weight wrapped around the wrist and performing small (really small at first) circles while bending at the waist and supporting your weight on a kitchen table or countertop. Ten (10) clockwise and ten (10) counter-clockwise, three times a day. As this gets easier, you may increase number of circles and make the “circular path” wider. At this time I have increased my hanging weight to 5 pounds. This exercise has a “traction” effect on the glenohumeral joint, pulling the humerous gently and restoring neurological muscle memory to nerve proprioceptors found in tendons and muscles. (Re-educates tissues what it is like to move again). As far as my experience with getting massage, it is important to find a therapist that is educated in the area of neuromuscular therapy/re-education. Active resisted movement, trigger point therapy, post-isometric relaxation, myofascial release, along with cross-fiber friction should be used to address the rotator cuff muscles (Supraspinatus, Infraspinatus, Teres Minor and Subscapularis). Also, it is highly beneficial to have the massage therapist concentrate where the Subscapularis and Serratus Posterior Superior meet and glide (move) across each other. In most instances the Latissimus Dorsi and Serratus Anterior areas will need to be addressed as well. Of course, during all this pain the client has endured, his or her breathing will tend to be shallow and this severly affects the Scalenes and Sternocleidomastoids (neck muscles) which are attached to the 1st and 2nd ribs. The massage therapist will have to address any tightness existing there and help restore diaphragmatic breathing- also known as “stomach breathing”, filling the lungs with air using the diaphram first- this gives those neck muscles a vacation!! I must disclose that this may not be the routine for you and I have no scientific data to support my claims. I am basing this on my years of experience (17) as a massage therapist addressing FS and what my clients have told me helps them and on what has personally helped me. I highly recommend that you find an Occupational Therapist to help you with your rehabilitation exercise plan as they are not as aggressive as Physical Therapists and I find that the intricate movements my OT has given me have helped a great deal. If you have additional questions or concerns, please feel free to email me using frozen shoulder or adhesive capsulitis in the subject matter line at la_julikay@yahoo.com-Yours in light and health, JULI

On 03 March 2005 (10:01 AM),
Von said:

I am also part of this club. Began having pain about one year ago, but truly froze in the past few months. Have gone through Arthrogram, MRI, seven weeks of physical therapy, and acupuncture. ACUPUNCTURE is the only thing that has helped the pain. I have had five treatments of acupuncture. She thought she could cure me in ten. I may have too severe a case to actually cure in ten treatments, but I cannot believe the aid I received in the pain level. I have never taken any prescription drugs for pain, so I was 24/7 in pain. She recommended White Willow Bark as a natural form of aspirin. It helps greatly without the risk of stomach or liver damage.
My doctor still feels I have not gained motion like he had hoped. He wants to do the scope and manipulation. I am hesitant about this. I need advice from those that have had it. Did you gain enough motion to warrant it?
Thanks!

On 16 March 2005 (12:22 PM),
Debby said:

I feel everyone’s pain. I too have a FS. I went through several months of pain before seeing an Ortho surgeon. I’ve been in therapy for 3 months. In my opinion I have seen a 70% improvement. I think alot of that has to do with keeping up with the exercises at home. I went back to the Ortho for a follow up to see how I was doing.He said I could either live with the pain or do surgery. I requested more PT. The therapist is trying to talk me into surgery. After all the research I have done I don’t want to. I’m going to wait about a year or so and see if it gets even better. In the meantime it’s very important to keep up the exercises. Heat and Ice seems to help also.
One thing does puzzle me, with all the technoligy why can’t they cure us?

On 08 April 2005 (03:45 PM),
Estalyn said:

Hello – I also was diagnosed with FS after having rotator cuff repair in December 2004. Last week my doctor did a manipulation under anesthesia and what he called arthroscopic lysis of adhesions. He implanted a pain pump for a few days which helped the P.T. maneuver my arm in all sorts of directions. Have to say that my ROM is so much better one week post-op. Hope everyone is feeling better soon.

On 13 May 2005 (06:08 PM),
Natalie said:

Hi, everyone. I have had frozen shoulder for about 9 or 10 months, though it didn’t get extremely bad until last October when I had a benign cyst removed from the shoulder. (I had been thinking my worsening shoulder pain was from the cyst – – silly me.)
ONE THING THAT HELPED A LOT with the night pain… my physical therapist told me to sleep sitting up – – like in a recliner or propped with pillows. It really did help a lot with that horrible, horrible pain at night. I still would wake up around 3:30 or 4:00 am and sleep fitfully until time to get up, but that was MUCH better than how it had been. Apparently the pull of gravity keeping the joint slightly open keeps the nerves from being so irritated. Nights are the worst.
I had the manipulation done in March and it did help. I had a great deal of improvement in motion, pain and that horrible constant feeling you have like something is grabbing your shoulder blade and pulling it. But, though things are better, I’m far from cured. Today a nurse went to take my blood pressure and put the cuff on the upper arm and pressurized it – – I nearly jumped out of my skin, the pain was so intense. So much for my nice normally low b.p. readings.
I just can’t wait until this is over. Just to have two normal shoulders again seems like such a gift. In the meantime, I grit my teeth and keep doing my exercises.

On 28 May 2005 (08:25 AM),
Carol said:

I developed frozen shoulder out of the blue in Oct. 04 at the age of 42. In Feb. 05 I was diagnosed and started p.t. twice a week. After 2 months, I had not improved at all, and my doctor insisted that I needed a manipulation. She sent me to an orthopedist. I did not want surgery, however, so the orthopedist agreed to prescribe more p.t. After 2 more months of p.t. plus 5 sessions of osteopathic manipulation, my range of motion has improved somewhat, and the pain has diminished. I saw the orthopedist again last week, and he thinks if I continue improving as I have, in another 3 months, this won’t even be an issue for me anymore. So, this summer I’ll be having more p.t. and osteopathy. By the way, I highly recommend osteopathic manipulation! It helped me a lot.

On 06 June 2005 (10:38 PM),
Amanda said:

I’m a 33 year old female and i have adhesive capsulitis on my right shoulder. The pain is unbearable! especially at night. I decided to drink more water, lots of water! and cut down on the caffiene, and stretch every hour very slowly with pain killers (2 advils 2 extra strength tylenol)It does get frustrating but you really have to discipline yourself. Within 3 days MAJOR difference.
Pain is alot more milder. Hydrating your body and and keeping your shoulder moving really helps. i can finally get some sleep.

On 25 June 2005 (09:33 AM),
Lizzi said:

Gosh, it’s good to see I’m not the only person suffering from this and there are some people out there that can understand. I have capsulitis in the left shoulder and though I am going through physio, I don’t see much improvement yet. Nights are the worse and it really affect your daily activities and life. One of the worst things also is lack of understanding from some people who just can’t understand what the big deal is. So, it’s nice to see I’m not alone. Good luck to all and if anyone knows of a miracle, please let me know :)

On 06 July 2005 (11:27 AM),
Sham said:

hi, i’m in my final year studying osteopathic medicine. in my clinic so far, i have only seen this condition once and the best exercise tip is to stand in front of a wall facing it or facing parallel to it, put your hand out as much as you can so you touch the wall with your index and middle fingers. Now perform a walking action up the wall (until you feel pain). Now mark your limit on the wall and do this everyday 20 times, you should see the marking on the wall go higher and higher. See results in one month but remember, it will hurt, you’ve got to push yourself to the limit. Good luck!

On 06 July 2005 (11:31 AM),
Sham said:

hi, i’m in my final year studying osteopathic medicine. in my clinic so far, i have only seen this condition once and the best exercise tip is to stand in front of a wall facing it or facing parallel to it, put your hand out as much as you can so you touch the wall with your index and middle fingers. Now perform a walking action up the wall (until you feel pain). Now mark your limit on the wall and do this everyday 20 times. The other exercise is to lean forward and let your arm hang beside you and perform a pendulum motion as much as you can everyday ( helps the blood supply to the muscles so they are not wasted. You should see the marking on the wall go higher and higher. See results in one month but remember, it will hurt, you’ve got to push yourself to the limit. Good luck!

On 14 July 2005 (01:56 PM),
Bonnie said:

I’m not sure there is a miracle but I am slowly recovering from a FS without a manipulation. Mine started in January worsened for a few months but now is getting better since the cortisone shot 6 weeks ago. The physical therapy/exercise in the beginning only aggravated the pain and made it worse. The improvement began when I quit PT! Besides the Cortisone shot, drinking lots of water, and keeping my shoulders warm especially at night has helped. Beware of cold air conditioning! Now that most of the pain has subsided, I am doing the usual shoulder stretching exercises. In another six weeks, if my shoulder is not completely better, my doctor suggested an additional cortisone shot. I understand the sleepless nights, I understand trying to live in constant pain with a grimace on my face. My FS is slowly getting better and it feels good to smile.

On 20 July 2005 (11:27 AM),
Linda said:

After reading Natalie’s comment on Adhesive Capsulitis in May of 2005, I am now curious as to whether my condition is also the result of having had a cyst removed from my shoulder. The surgery was done over two years ago but the scar lies directly over where my pain is. I’ve been through PT, home stretching and it is still bothering me. My range of motion is better but the pain is not gone. It’s been almost ten months since my initial injury. ( I thought I had injured it by reaching into the backseat of my car from the front.) I’ve been to two doctor’s now and both believe my cyst removal is just a coincidence, I’m doubtful though. I’m now to go through another course of PT for 6 to 8 weeks and if my pain is not gone the Ortho Doc wants to operate. I have lot’s of funky sounds going on when I rotate my shoulder, crepetis I’m told. I’m not sure if the spelling is correct for that term. Anyhow, I’m sorry for everyone suffering with this, it bites! I can’t sleep unless I take something to help relax me. I miss putting my arm under my pillow at night and resting on my left side. My sympathies to all of you Adhesive Capsulitis sufferers. I’ve at least been validated by the comments, I agree, it hurts like crazy.
EMail me if you wish, Mammie1024@adelphia.net

On 24 July 2005 (02:49 PM),
Mary said:

I too have had and am dealing with Adhesive capsulitis! I’ve had two manipulations on right side! I’ve had a total of 5 surgeries on right shoulder! A year ago i came down with it on my left side!I’ve only had one surgery on left side to date! So, essentially I’ve been dealing with this condition for a couple years! The good news is, the last manipulation finally did it! I can reach to 163.! Iam happy with that! That’s reaching straight out and up! Once I get the right one squared away, we get to work on the left one! Seems like it’s never ending! As for myself,I have tried to keep some sence of humor! It’s tough though! It’s true that people who haven’t had it, have absolutely no clue! Good luck to everyone else! Just be patient! Iam trying, as i still have some pain Iam dealing with on a daily and nightly bases!

On 20 August 2005 (07:42 AM),
trevor said:

A UK Osteopath in London (Dr Simeone Niel-Asher) claims to have meade alot of progress in the treatment of Frozen Shoulder
He claims to be able to ‘cure’ it in several one hour sessions and he has trained a few USA practitioners
See www.frozenshoulder.com
I am moving to London soon and I hope to see this guy personally but he also has self help CDs and books on his website
Trevor

On 22 August 2005 (12:22 PM),
Janice said:

I have had frozen shoulder for about 18 months total. Went through 3 1/2 months of physical therapy and 2 cortisone injection and was better for several months but the pain has steadily gotten worse and so has the stiffening over the summer. I am to have a manipulation under anesthesia in 2 weeks with physical therapy daily for 3 weeks after this. I think he is doing a nerve block at the same time. I was hoping to take only about 3 days off of work and then go back to work, working around by physical therapy. Is this realstic? I would think the pain would be better.

On 30 August 2005 (02:12 AM),
Gail (Australia) said:

You guys are really not cheering me up at all !!
I had a yachting accident 10 weeks ago and was diagnosed with a full thickness rotator cuff tear. I had surgery six weeks ago (unbelievably painful !!) and was told the day after surgery that I didn’t have a R/C tear at all and that they actually found a fracture.
Lucky me – both my x-ray and ultra sound scan were wrong !!
To top it all off – I went back for my final post-op checkup today to be told that I have a frozen shoulder.
I have had Physio Therapy the whole time since my injury but obviously it did nothing to prevent me developing this problem.
As with all of you – the pain in unbelievable (and unrelenting) and sleep is a thing of the past.
I wish you all (and me) a speedy recovery :-)

On 10 September 2005 (07:55 AM),
cj said:

I have an appt. with ortho next week. Was told by another doc that I have FS. Initially, pain was mostly shoulder/neck but now right arm is severely affected and last few days, there is numbing involved. MY QUESTION: I have lyme disese and really want to avoid the cortisone type treatment as I’ve been advised that this is very counter-productive for those with lyme.. terrible for immune system. What is the chance of me getting good treatment without it involving some type of cortisones??
Thanks, cj

On 13 September 2005 (07:59 AM),
suzanReither said:

I don’t know whether physical therapy is good or not. Could someone advise me before I start. I am in excruciating pain at night and have been for over 3 months.
Thank you.

On 26 September 2005 (11:49 PM),
mike said:

Hi,

My frozen shoulder diagnosis came three weeks ago. I am a fiddler, and it is my right shoulder. I play fiddle right-handed, though fortunately I am a lefty at everything else.

I have to say that I’ve suffered a number of injuries along life’s road, including a compound fracture of a leg (broken in three places, ankle broken too..sky diving accident) and have never had anything nearly this painful.

I’m unable to play fiddle, of course. Physical therapy doesn’t seem to be helping yet. Have only had a couple weeks of it. It hurts virtually all the time, and the only way I can sleep is to take three or four Lortab 10/500s.

Please tell me this will get better. This condition is redefining my concept of agony. I know it will, but I need to hear from someone who’s actually been through it.

On 09 October 2005 (02:13 PM),
debbie said:

I’ve been researching FS ever since my right shoulder froze suddenly in July. The most frustrating thing is not knowing what treatment is best. I’ve had 20 physical therapy treatments with very little improvement in ROM; however, the pain is considerably better. No way to know if that is due to PT or whether it would be getting better anyway on its own. My PT is VERY aggressive – lots of pain, which my ortho told me to expect. Despite the PT, my doctor wants to do a closed manipulation b/c of so little improvement in ROM. I am 52 and ordinarily VERY physically active, so those who attributed this condition to sedentary lifestyle, I don’t think so. I was doing over an hour of aerobic exercise, usually running or biking, six days a week when this occured. Anyway, what concerns me is that the therapy causes lots of pain and not in the shoulder. It’s usually in my arm, my bicep muscle (even get bruises on arm after therapy) or back. The therapy, by its very nature, puts stress on all of the ligaments, tendons, and muscles as the PT tries to increase ROM. Also, I have had so much stiffness in my neck. I can’t even hold a book and read or sit in one position for more than a few minutes without stiffness in my neck. Does everyone have this problem? It’s much better than intense pain, but makes if virtually impossible to return to work. Has anyone had any negative effects after manipulation? Should I stick with the PT longer?

Best Hearts Game Ever

Kris and I played cards with Mac and Pam on Sunday. No big surprise there; we play whenever we can.

We played Bridge first, but Pam kicked our asses. Again, no big surprise there. She finished with 3700 points in three rubbers while the rest of us each had around 1400 points.

The game of Hearts that we played was more fun.

I started playing Hearts (rules, which are simple) when I was a sophomore in high school. When my family started attending Zion Mennonite Church, learning Hearts was part of the initiation into the youth social scene. (Learning Rook was, of course, the real initiation. Rook is the game of choice among young Mennonites.)

The Hearts that I’ve played with my Mennonite friends isn’t nearly as fun, or as challenging, as the Hearts I play with Mac and Pam. The Mennonite group plays: Black Lady and Passing variations, Two of Clubs opens, Jack of Diamonds is minus ten, a player receives minus three for taking no tricks, and no points may be played on the first trick. Also, the level of play is not as high as with Mac and Pam.

The version of Hearts that Mac and Pam play features: Black Lady and Passing variations, a four card kitty (which goes to the first person to take a point), the person to the left of the dealer opens, no bonus for the Jack of Diamonds or for avoiding tricks, and points may be played on the first trick. Also, the deal skips a player after the hold hand. (Kris and I have convinced them to play with the minus three point bonus for not taking a trick, and they seem to like the rule.)

The basic difference between these rules is that it is more difficult to Shoot the Moon with Mac and Pam’s rules. Removing the bonus for the Jack of Diamonds also eliminates an element of luck that is otherwise involved in the play. In all, their rules are much more fun.

Here’s the score card from the Best Hearts Game Ever:

Pam J.D. Kris Mac
-26 0 -3 0
-17 1 -2 15
-17 3 21 12
-11 23 21 9
 
9 26 24 9
6 23 45 14
6 25 66 17
27 22 69 19
 
49 27 69 19
46 36 82 23
43 43 85 39
43 56 89 48
 
40 74 86 56
41 74 86 81
61 80 83 81
77 77 86 88
 
96 83 83 89
100 100 86 91
116 106 86 95

Important things to know: Pam has an eidetic memory (or nearly so), so counting cards is easy for her. I go into nearly every hand with the intention of Shooting the Moon. I also tend to overanalyze the game. Kris doesn’t really like Hearts, and she really doesn’t like it when I overanalyze the game. The whole group is very competitive, but Pam and I are especially competitive with each other. Pam rarely loses at Hearts (or any other card game). This just makes me more eager to defeat her.

This particular game started with Pam Shooting the Moon, an event that caused groans around the table. She was likely to win anyhow, and spotting her a 26 point lead just increased the chance that she would be victorious.

For the next few hands, things were typical. Then, Kris hit a string of bad luck, falling far behind with 66 points. Pam continued to lead. But then she had a couple of bad hands, taking the Queen twice consecutively. Suddeny, the men were vying for the lead and the women were behind. Not very common in our group, and a state that both Mac and I relish.

Our taste of the lead was short-lived, however. Kris fell futher behind (and became more surly, sulking and snapping), but Pam stabilized in the low 40s and Mac and I fell nearly even with Kris in the 70s and 80s.

Then things began to fall apart for Pam. Within two hands, she and I were tied at 77, with Kris and Mac only ten points back. Pam took the Queen and suddenly found herself in last place. I was tied for the lead with Kris (who had looked a sure loser only a few hands before).

I felt confident. Victory was within my reach. Whether I won the game or Pam lost the game did not matter: either outcome was a victory. If both happened, it would be all the sweeter. On the pass, I worked myself a safe hand: low cards, Spades protection, few Hearts. I was ready. The first two tricks were typical, but then the bomb dropped. Pam had voided herself in Clubs (or had a singleton, I don’t recall), and was able to sluff the Queen on my lowly Seven of Clubs. The Seven of Clubs took the Queen on only the first or second Clubs trick! I was in agony! I was also now tied with Pam at 100 points; whichever of us took the most points the next hand would lose the game.

The game had lasted eighteen hands, which is extraordinary for a game of Hearts. We were all within fifteen points of each other, and each had over 85 points. I’ve never seen a game so close!

I dealt the cards, and we passed across. My hand was average. I would likely take a few points, but I hoped to avoid the Queen. Little did I know, Pam had passed Kris the Ace and King of Spades, but Kris had passed her the Queen, which was now her only Spade. She was doomed from the start.

As the first Spades trick went around, and Pam was forced to take it with the Queen. It then became only a matter of preventing her from Shooting the Moon (which wasn’t difficult, as she hadn’t the cards to do it), and the game ended with her as the Big Loser.

The game was a blast, especially after the first few hands. The leader changed often. The score was close. The game was competitive. This is the reason I love to play games.

It’s also the reason that I prefer interactive games to non-interactive games. Some games, Eurorails and Empire Builder for example, have little player interaction. These games are dull to me now, though I enjoyed them once. I’m interested in games that allow players to interact, to affect each other’s status within the game, games like El Grande and Settlers of Catan, and Tigris and Euphrates. (Tigris and Euphrates is my favorite of these, I think, but most people find the game too complicated.)

Game night in one week!