FS Important

There are 32 posts filed in FS Important (this is page 4 of 4).

Who Owns the Memories?

Recently I’ve given a lot of thought to the responsibilities and obligations of a journalist. When I say journalist, I don’t mean a reporter; I mean a person who keeps a journal, or a weblog, or who writes a personal history.

Through this weblog, I share many of the important events in my life (and, some would say, many of the unimportant events in my life). To what degree am I obligated to edit what I write here? To what degree am I obligated to not edit what I write here? To what degree is this obligation to the truth different than the obligation to the truth when I create a scrapbook/album that contains my personal history?

These are tough questions.

I am generally an honest person. I see no sense in hiding the truth. However, I recognize that in some cases the truth a) may not be productive, b) may hurt somebody else, and/or c) may not be mine to share.

For example, I have a close friend who will likely change gender. While this is not a huge component of my life, it is a huge component this person’s life (obviously). When we spend time together, it becomes a rather large issue, for good or ill, between us. This is something that I’d normally be incline to share in this weblog, and certainly in my scrapbook/personal history. Is it something I can share, though? Is it something I should share? Tough questions.

In this case, I’ve opted not to discuss the subject in the weblog. However, I’ve asked (and been granted) permission from this person to incorporate this particular aspect of our relationship into my personal history. I have a greater degree of control over who accesses my personal history, as it is a phsical object, a scrapbook, that I alone grant permission to view. My weblog is open for the entire world to see (though I realize it’s only friends and family that actually read it).

Even the personal history raises questions of this nature. Where should the line be drawn regarding what I put in my scrapbook? I have another friend that is gay and semi-out. However, he’s not completely out. How much of this should I put in my personal history? It’s always there when I’m with him, it’s a huge component of who he is. It seems senseless to skirt the issue when I’m documenting my life. Yet, is it really my decision?

I have very strong feelings regarding my parents, both positive and negative. Whether I place my positive feelings in my scrapbook is not an issue. Nobody minds reading positive things about themselves. But what about my negative feelings? My father is dead, so it’s less of an issue. I don’t mind putting down the things that bugged me, the things that made our relationship difficult. But my mother is alive, and likely to be hurt by some of the things that I would say. Do I include them? Do I censor myself? Is it fair for me to write only the positive things about my mother and not mention the less flattering things (which are nevertheless a portion of her character, and a portion of my relationship with her)?

Similarly, I have a letter from a friend in which she confesses things that she might consider secret. The letter is very much meant to be communication between me and this friend. However, it is a huge component of my personal history. How can I edit it from my scrapbook? Yet, how do I handle its presence? Do I black out the most provocative lines, so that when others read the history they are left in the dark? Blacking out these lines makes the letter mundane, unworthy of inclusion in my scrapbook. Allowing the lines to remain raises issues regarding secrecy and trust and friendship.

Who owns the memories? How much honesty is too much?

Tony just said to me: “God, you’re wierd.” Like I haven’t heard that one before.

Tintin is Dying

Tintin is dying.

For eight years Tintin has been our faithful companion. When we lived in the apartment on North Knott, Kris wanted a cat despite the fact that they were prohibited by the rental agreement. We visited the Humane Society in Turner (just outside of Salem) and Kris immediately fell in love with a pure-white cat with pale blue eyes. He looked frightened and dull to me. I thought she should choose a frisky (and cute) little kitten. She ignored my suggestion, and we took the white cat home.

We wanted to name the cat Snowy, after the dog in the Tintin comics, but we thought that name was too wimpy. We named him Tintin instead.

At first Tintin was jumpy; he was quick to claw and bite. Kris surmises he may have come from an abusive home, but soon she and Tintin had formed a bond that has lasted to this day.

When we moved to the house (and, at the same time, acquired my cat, Toto), Tintin became a very happy cat. He loves to roam the yard, to sit in the flower beds, to lay in the sun. We have a stone cat statue that has become his best friend. (None of the other cats are as accepting of him as Stony is.) He loves to sit on Kris’ lap, and he’ll even tolerate my attention.

Tintin is well-loved and an important part of our small family.

Over the past several months he’s been losing weight. His appetite has diminished significantly. At the end of April I noticed that he was drinking a large amount of water. Also at that time, Kris noticed that she was having to change the litter box two or three times a week instead of just once a week. I spoke with Mac, who has some background in vet medicine, and he advised that we have Tintin examined immediately.

Tintin has diabetes. The vet says that he could maybe live another year if: (a) we sent Tintin to board at the vet for a week while they established an insulin regime and (b) we game him insulin injections twice daily for the rest of his life. Kris is not willing to do this. Neither am I.

Tintin is a happy cat, even if his health is failing. He cannot jump up onto the bed anymore. He can’t jump onto the bathroom counter, either, but we’ve trained him to use the toilet as a step. He is beginning to look emaciated. His left eye at times looks cloudy, as if it may be going blind. He drinks about eight ounces of water a day. Minimum. He doesn’t eat much. I think that he only has a few weeks in his tired body, but believe that Kris is expecting months. But he can still sit on Kris’ lap while they watch The Price Is Right. He can still lay out on the patio, basking in the sun. He can still come running (slower than before) to lick out a bowl of ice cream. He’s never been happier, from what we can tell.

Tintin rolling on the patio

I’m sad to be losing a friend like Tintin. He is a good cat, loving and gentle. Kris will be heart-broken, and so will I.

Comments


On 12 October 2004 (06:11 PM),
bill said:

Spoil Tintin…i am writing you as part of my grieving. Tigger my 12 year old cat died yesterday at 7:44. We had to put him to sleep he had terminal cancer. The procedure was performed here at the house. It is a peaceful process, i never thought that i would get so attached. My prayers are with you and your family…God Bless.