Introspection

There are 80 posts filed in Introspection (this is page 7 of 8).

Distracted

Paul Ford has written an interesting piece about distractions and how they influence his life. Ford differentiates between wide distractions and narrow distractions. Wide distractions are tangential and shallow. They lead you away from your course, drawing you a short way down many different sidepaths. Narrow distractions are more focused, not so much straying from your original course as delving more deeply into it; perhaps this can be best explained as stopping to examine a bird or a tree or a flower along the trail. Ford writes:

The Internet is the widest possible distraction because it lets you wander so far afield that getting work done if you are, like me, the distractable sort of person—getting work done is almost impossible. I’m not the sort of person who can read a book with footnotes and ignore the footnotes. I have to read every footnote. I often prefer the footnotes because they point in so many directions. But when wide distractions are available I avoid the narrow distractions, and those are the useful distractions. Let’s say you’re thinking hard about a concept—say, kittens. Kittens are young cats. They have paws and they are sometimes friendly. Your stepmother, you remember, didn’t let you have a kitten. Why was that? Was she allergic, or did she really just hate you? Now, that’s something worth thinking about. A concept worth exploring. That’s a narrow distraction, a good distraction.

Ford has articulated a concept of which I’ve had a vague notion, but no words to describe it. I, too, am easily distracted. Especially by the internet. The internet is so distracting that I find it impossible to be productive with an active connection nearby. I tend to do the minimum necessary instead of devoting time and effort to produce quality work, not out of malice or negligence, but because as I’m working, some thought will occur to me — “I should look up the history of the ten-key” — and I’ll slide over to spend an hour in increasingly tangential web searches. My work suffers, whether it’s home or on the job or for fun.

Without wide distractions, however, I’m more focused. I am diverted by narrow distractions, too, but find that these are generally more rewarding. Narrow distractions are short, introspective, and often enlightening. More importantly, they are not time sinks.

One reason I’m opposed to television is the ease with which a person can be sucked into regular viewing, consuming gross numbers of hours every day. I’m no different, except my vice is the internet. If I were not connected, I might succumb to some other wide distraction — my encyclopedia, perhaps — but no other wide distraction can possibly approach the infinite as closely as the world wide web.

Lately, I’ve been more conscious of how much time I spend browsing and exchanging e-mail. What if I were to use this time for something remotely productive? What if I were using it to write short stories, or even a novel? What if?

This is a recurring theme in my life, a sort of monkey on my back that I cannot lose. I’ve written about it here in the past. I probably sound like the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I’d love to learn some techniques for avoiding wide distractions. Maybe I could google for some.

Rosemary Verde

The gin fizz may have been my drink for the summer, but my drink for the autumn is rosemary verde, a delicious martini-like cocktail. Kris ordered this drink on our last trip to Ciao Vito. It is unusual in that it’s savory rather than sweet. We both thought the drink was a wonderful change of pace; we’d love to be able to serve it to guests at dinner parties.

Using some of my newfound confidence, I just phoned Ciao Vito and spoke with the bartender, who gave me the recipe.

Rosemary Verde (from Ciao Vito)

Combine one shot (1-1/2 to 2 ounces) rosemary-infused vodka, one-half ounce triple sec (or other orange liqueur), a splash of fresh-squeezed lime juice, and a dash of simple syrup (aka sugar water) in a cocktail shaker with two cubes of ice. Shake and strain. Pour into a martini glass, then finish with a splash of soda water.

To make the rosemary-infused vodka: place two sprigs of fresh rosemary into a bottle of vodka. Allow the vodka to sit for two or three days. Strain the vodka through a cheesecloth.

Simple, yet delicious. Give it a shot. Or, the next time you’re at Rosings Park, ask me to make one for you.

My path to overcoming depression is giving me all sorts of heretofore untapped confidence. My innate curiosity is boiling at record levels. I’m happy. I find it easier to deal with people than it has been in years. I’m not afraid to assert my need for personal space.

Two small but significant examples of the change in me:

  1. Remember my new old office? Remember it was a hellhole, a pit? A couple weeks ago, I spruced up the place a bit by cleaning it and by rearranging the furniture. This week, I spent $250 to add some finishing touches: four potted plants, a bunch of candles, a floor rug, and a new portable stereo. Now I don’t resent having to work in an oppressive environment; it’s no longer oppressive. Now I don’t mind sitting in my office for eight hours a day.
  2. At one of our larger customers, I deal with many different reps. One of these reps is a brusque man who never knows what he wants and always makes me wait. A few weeks ago, he made me wait in the lobby for half an hour. This man is a little like Jeremy but without Jeremy’s vast charisma. Even his co-workers don’t like him. Recently, it dawned on me that perhaps I resented this guy simply because I let him walk all over me. In fact, he had told me many times, “Don’t let me do this to you. Call me on it.” You know what? I’ve started to call him on it, and suddenly our relationship isn’t adversarial, it’s kind of fun. While his co-workers are rolling their eyes, I joke around him. When he pushes, I push back. Suddenly it’s a relationship of equals, and it makes all the difference.

There are still aspects of my life that are not in control (my weight, my cleanliness), but for once I’m happy with who I am. I refuse to think bad thoughts about myself. So what if I’m fat? So what if I have a score of e-mails to answer? So what if my desk is a mess? I’ll fix these things soon, and I’ll do so by approaching these issues in a positive way rather than a negative one.

Anger Management

Based on Courtney‘s recommendation (and the recommendations of a bunch of AskMetafilter folks), I’ve begun to read Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David. M. Burns. The book attempts to empower a person to defeat depression without drugs, and is reportedly very effective for those, like me, with mild depression.

I’ve only read bits and pieces so far, but what I’ve read has been eye-opening. Yesterday, I browsed the chapter about anger. I suspect my co-workers (and perhaps my friends) think I’m a little irritable. I often think of myself as easily upset.

Feeling Good features the following survey, which is based on the Novaco Anger Scale. I’ve reproduced it here without permission. For each situation below, estimate the degree of anger it would provoke in you using this simple scale:

0 – You would feel little or no annoyance.
1 – You would feel a little irritated.
2 – You would feel moderately upset.
3 – You would feel quite angry.
4 – You would feel very irate.

As you describe how you would ordinarily react to each situation, make your best general estimate even though important details may be missing.

  1. You unpack an appliance you have just purchased, plug it in, and discover that it doesn’t work. 3 – I would be quite angry. If it were a computer-related product, I would be irate.
  2. You are overcharged by a repairman who has you over a barrel. 2 – I would be upset.
  3. You are singled out for correction when the actions of others go unnoticed. 4 – I would be irate. I hate this.
  4. You get your car stuck in mud or snow. 0 – This would not bother me. It’s an act of nature. What can you do?
  5. You are talking to someone and they don’t answer you. 1 – This would annoy me.
  6. Someone pretends to be something they are not. 2 – I would be angry. I don’t like this.
  7. While you are struggling to carry four cups of coffee to your table at a cafeteria, someone bumps into you, spilling the coffee. 1 – I would be irritated, but not much.
  8. You have hung up your clothes, but someone knocks them to the floor and fails to pick them up. 1 – I would be irritated, though this is unlikely to happen in real life. I don’t hang up my clothes!
  9. You are hounded by a salesperson from the moment you walk into a store. 2 – I would be upset.
  10. You have made arrangements to go somewhere with a person who backs out at the last minute and leaves you hanging. 1 – This is irritating, but there are worse things that can happen.
  11. Being joked about or teased. 1 – This goes more to self-image than to anger. I’d feel all sorts of self-doubt.
  12. Your car is stalled at a traffic light and the guy behind you keeps blowing his horn. 2 – I would be upset.
  13. You accidentally make the wrong kind of turn in a parking lot. As you get out of your car someone yells at you, “Where did you learn to drive?” 0 – As Kris can attest, when I make a driving error and am honked at or yelled at, I get sheepish and apologetic, not angry.
  14. Someone makes a mistake and blames it on you. 2 – I would be upset.
  15. You are trying to concentrate, but a person near you is tapping their foot. 4 – This pisses me off.
  16. You lend someone an important book or tool, and they fail to return it. 1 – I loan out a lot of stuff. I wouldn’t loan it if I didn’t think it might not come back.
  17. You have had a busy day, and the person you live with starts to complain that you forgot to do something that you agreed to do. 3 – This makes me very cranky.
  18. You are trying to discuss something important with your mate or partner who isn’t giving you a chance to express your feelings. 2 – I would be upset.
  19. You are in a discussion with someone who persists in arguing about a topic they know very little about. 3 – This makes me cranky.
  20. Someone sticks his or her nose into an argument between you and somebody else. 1 – Not a big deal.
  21. You need to get somewhere quickly, but the car in front of you is going 25mph in a 40mph zone, and you cannot pass. 2 – I would be upset, especially if the driver would not pull over.
  22. Stepping on a glob of chewing gum. 0 – Again, this is environmental. What can you do?
  23. Being mocked by a small group of people as you pass them. 1 – As above, this would turn more into self-loathing than into anger.
  24. In a hurry to get somewhere, you tear a good pair of slacks on a sharp object. 1 – I’m clumsy, so I’ve become used to this.
  25. You use your last quarter to make a phone call, but you are disconnected and the quarter is lost. (Or, in modern terms: you are stranded, so you use your cell phone to call for help. The battery dies.) 1 – Another case in which there’s nothing to be angry at.

Here is how Burns interprets the results of the anger survey.

0 – 45: The amount of anger and annoyance you generally experience is remarkably low.
46 – 55: You are substantially more peaceful than the average person.
56 – 75: You respond to life’s annoyances with an average amount of anger.
76 – 85: You frequently react in an angry way.
86 – 100: You are plagued by intense fury. You probably harbor negative feelings and grudges.

My total score is 41. I am not very irritable. This is surprising in some ways, but makes sense when I think about it. I may bitch and moan often, but I’m rarely truly upset. I say what I think and move on. I do not dwell on anger.

Kris and I talked about this survey after I took it. We decided that we both have similar approaches to anger. Neither of us gets angry very often, but what we do that may be unusual is that we openly express how we feel. If something irritates us, we express our displeasure instead of holding it in. We suspect that most other people hold it in. (Note that we do, of course, hold in our frustrations in certain circumstances.)

I believe that most people are taught to keep their feelings — good and bad — under wraps. If they’re excited about something, they remain restrained. If something makes them angry, they do not let it show. Many people dislike confrontation, especially if the confrontation is somehow negative. I’m not like that. I usually wear my heart on my sleeve. I don’t know what good it does to keep irritation inside.

How did you score on the anger assessment survey?

Personality Types

At one point last night, our book group discussion veered toward personality types and how they interact. Several of us have been exposed to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. A couple have made use of Enneagrams. We tried to guess where members of the group fit into the various personality scales. (Today on our walk, Jason and I continued this game.)

On a whim, I took an online combined Myers-Briggs/Enneagram test. The Myers-Briggs measures four pairs of personality traits (the following descriptions of which are taken verbatim from the Wikipedia):

  • The terms Introvert and Extrovert (originally spelled ‘extravert’ by Jung, who first used the terms in the context of psychology, although ‘extrovert’ is now by far the more common spelling) are referred to as attitudes and show how a person orients and receives their energy. In the extraverted attitude the energy flow is outward, and the preferred focus is on people and things, whereas in the introverted attitude the energy flow is inward, and the preferred focus is on thoughts and ideas.
  • Sensing and Intuition are the perceiving functions. They indicate how a person prefers to receive data. These are the nonrational functions, as a person does not necessarily have control over receiving data, but only how to process it once they have it. Sensing prefers to receive data primarily from the five senses, and intuition prefers to receive data from the unconscious, or seeing relationships via insights.
  • Thinking and Feeling are the judging functions. They are used to make rational decisions concerning the data they received from their perceiving functions, above. Thinking is characterized as preferring to being logical, analytical and thinking in terms of “true or false”. Thinking decisions tend to be based on more objective criteria and facts. Feeling, which refers to subjective criteria and values, strives for harmonious relationships and considers the implications for people. Feeling decisions tend to be based on what seems “more good or less bad” according to values.
  • Judging and Perceiving tell us which of the two preferred functions, the judging function or the perceiving function, is used in the outer world. Those who prefer Judging use their preferred judging function in the outer world and their preferred perceiving function in the inner world, and those who prefer Perceiving use their preferred perceiving function in the outer world and their preferred judging function in the inner world. Judging prefers making decisions and having closure and perceiving prefers to continue accepting data and to leave their options open, waiting to decide later. (The terminology may be misleading for some — the term “Judging” does not imply “judgmental”, and “Perceiving” does not imply “perceptive”.)

What personality type am I? I tested out as an INTP, which is a common result for me. That I am Intuitive and Thinking have never varied since I first took the personality inventory sixteen years ago. I constantly straddle Perceiving/Judging, though, indicating that I have no strong preference for either mode.

What might perhaps surprise some people is that I most frequently score as an Introvert, and a strong one. This doesn’t mean that I don’t like socializing with people (I do!); it merely means that the way I recharge my “batteries” is from spending time by myself. (Sometimes, though, when I take the test, I come out as an Extrovert. Not often, but it happens.)

I’d never taken an Enneagram before. Jason, who is an INTP, too, says that he is a 5 on the Enneagram, which is common with INTPs. I, too, am a 5.

A more thorough Enneagram test again indicates that I am Type 5, Detached. It also indicates that my “variant” is “Omni”. (I have no idea what all this means.) In other words, I scored high on Detachment, scored evenly on all the other indicators, except I had low scores for Anxious and Helpful. (My score for Helpful was atrocious; I’m a self-centered bastard!)

The following (revealing) exchange occurred at one point during the evening:

Naomi: Jenn, I don’t know how you do it. You are so organized.
Jenn: HA! These two [indicating me and Kris] think I’m unorganized.
Kris: It’s true. We think she’s unorganized.
J.D.: It’s interesting how our self-perceptions differ from how others view us. For example, many people have complained that I see things in black-and-white, yet I feel as if I view the world in subtle shades of grey. I’m never sure of anything.
Jenn: HA! J.D., how do you feel about television?
J.D.: TELEVISION IS EVIL!

Isn’t self-deprication fun?

My condemnation of television is an example of viewing things in black-and-white, as I suppose is my desire to demonstrate the literature is better than science fiction, etc. etc.

These are classic T behaviors in the world of Myers-Briggs. It’s just who I am. Maybe I need to stop denying it and embrace the fact that the way my mind works is to separate things into dichotomies. I may think I see in shades of grey, but I may only be deluding myself. Or, I may consider things as having shades of grey, but once I actually deal with them, I have reduced them internally to black and white. (Yikes! That makes little sense.)

Also last night, Lisa revealed that she and Kristi were recently discussing my tendency to maintain ties with old friends. “He keeps his people,” Lisa told Kristi. I’ve never heard it expressed like that (Kris says I’m “stuck in the past”), but it’s true. I value friendships, new and old, and prefer to keep even minimal contact rather than lose connection completely. Just an interesting bit.

UPDATE: I forgot to include shorter tests. On this shorter test I scored as an ENTP. (It phrased its Introvert/Extrovert questions much differently.) On this word test, I score as ENTP. On the shortest test of the bunch, I score as ENTP (with a heavy extrovert score and my Perceiving/Judging split exactly 50/50). This version of the MB is interesting because it gives a score for the actual you and the ideal you. Again I scored as ENTP, but my ideal type was ESTJ. And on the final test, the longest of the bunch, I came out again as ENTP, and again my ideal type was ESTJ; the type to which I am attracted is also ENTP.

You can find a whole passle of personality tests here.

Comments


On 18 July 2005 (03:18 PM),
mac said:

so…what do you think I am? I took the test and will tell you after you guess!



On 18 July 2005 (08:15 PM),
J.D. said:

Mackenzie, I think that you are: ISFJ, though you may be ESFJ. Am I close?



On 19 July 2005 (07:59 AM),
mac said:

I scored as an ISFP, though I don’t remember the percentages. I agree with the IS and F, but I’m not so sure about the P. Good guess :) you know me well



On 19 July 2005 (08:36 AM),
J.D. said:

I’ve made some guesses at types for various people I know. Lower-case letters indicate low-confidence; upper-case letters are traits about which I have greater confidence. How correct am I?

(I’m going through and adding actuals in parentheses as people report results.) How well did I predict?

J.D.: INTp (ENTP)
Kris: isTJ (ESTJ)
Mom: ISFJ (ISFJ)
Dad (dead): ENTP
Tony: EnfP (ENTP)
Jeff: IsFj (ISTJ)
Nick: ISFJ (ISFP)
Tammy: EstJ (ESFJ)
Claudia G.: ESFJ
Christopher G.: IstJ
Tiffany: eSfJ (ESTJ)
Pam: eSTJ (ISTJ)
Mackenzie: ISFJ (ISFP)
Jeremy: ESFj (split ESFJ and ENFJ)
Jenn: EsFP
Joel: Esfp (ENTP — I should have known! I think we have similar temperments)
Aimee: EnFJ (ENFJ)
Lisa: istj
Craig: iNTJ
Andrew C.: iSTp
Courtney: enfJ (INFJ)
Paul C.: INTJ
Dave: ISTJ (ISTJ)
Dana: eSfP
dowingba (whom I’ve never met): iStj (ISTP)
Kristin: Istp (INFJ — my biggest miss!)
Steph: esFJ
Kim K.: IsfJ
Sabino: EstP
Julie: estP
Celeste: estj
Marla: EsFJ
Denise: ESFj (ESFP)
Paul J.: INfj (INFP, though I was way off on the P)
AmyJo: INfp (ESFJ — another huge miss!)
Jason: INTj (INTP)
Naomi: enFJ (INFJ)

Here’s an intersting thing: the more I think about FJs, the more I realize that they’ve got a completely different mindset from my own. It’s a whole other world. They’d rather do what it takes to maintain harmony in relationships than be completely honest. That’s not wrong, of course; it’s just foreign to my way of thinking.



On 19 July 2005 (08:49 AM),
Jeff said:

I took the 102 question test… twice. Both times I scored as an ISTJ… which seems pretty accurate, although I envisioned myself more of an INTJ.

As for the Enneagram, I scored as a Type 1, Pefectionism with a “variant” of “Social”. But, my score for Type 6, Anxiety was the same percentage as for Type 1… and I think that would more accurately describe me, as really I feel most happy when I am safe and secure, rather than when I am perfect and good.



On 19 July 2005 (09:39 AM),
Courtney said:

Close…I’m an INFJ, though I can be extroverted at times. I’m a 9 on the Enneagram – the Mediator.



On 19 July 2005 (11:41 AM),
Denise said:

Not that you guessed, but I’m an ESFP:

“Entertainer”. Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.



On 19 July 2005 (11:50 AM),
Denise said:

And I forgot to add that I am a 2 on the Enneagram – which was Helpfulness, although 8 (Aggressiveness) was a close second. So I like to help, and if you don’t let me I’ll just forcibly help you anyways.



On 19 July 2005 (12:09 PM),
Amy Jo said:

Just took the 102 question test, but you didn’t predict my outcome . . . wanna take a guess? I’m interested in your perception



On 19 July 2005 (12:27 PM),
J.D. said:

Yes, yes. I didn’t guess a lot of people. As I told Denise via e-mail, I would have guessed she was ESfj. Nick took the test and came out as ISFP. I’m not sure why I put J down for him. Now that I think about it, he’s classic P.

Paul and AmyJo are both difficult, which is one reason I left them off the list earlier. For example, my gut is that AmyJo is an F, but on the other hand, I’ve seen some T behavior from her lately.

AmyJo: INfp
Paul J.: INfj



On 19 July 2005 (12:36 PM),
Mom said:

Jung Test Results

Introverted (I) 70.37% Extroverted (E) 29.63%
Sensing (S) 58.62% Intuitive (N) 41.38%
Feeling (F) 53.33% Thinking (T) 46.67%
Judging (J) 65.52% Perceiving (P) 34.48%

Your type is: ISFJ

ISFJ – “Conservator”. Desires to be of service and to minister to individual needs – very loyal. 13.8% of total population.

I’ve taken this test before but can’t remember my previous results. From what I understand, the Introvert/Extrovert area is the one that generally doesn’t ever change over time.



On 19 July 2005 (12:51 PM),
Tiffany said:

I took the test, but only because you guessed what I would be. I tried to answer the questions how I normally feel, not how I have felt the last few months so that may affect things greatly. I came up with E (82%), S(75%), T(69%), J(84%).



On 19 July 2005 (01:09 PM),
J.D. said:

Interestingly, I think the 102-question test has a pool of questions from which it draws, and you’re never guaranteed to have the same questions. I know it reorders the questions.

I just took the test again, and I came out ENTP.

ENTP – “Inventor”. Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

I’ll admit it: I am an Extrovert and not an Introvert.



On 19 July 2005 (01:21 PM),
Kristin said:

I have not taken the test for a few years, but the 2-3 times I’ve done it have yielded consistent results: INFJ. Sorry, JD. I hover pretty closely to “P”, however. Interestingly, Roger is an “INFP.” So much for that “opposites attract” thing. :)



On 19 July 2005 (01:21 PM),
Mom said:

What immediately struck me about this latest result of yours, J.D., was that the description would certainly have applied to your dad.



On 19 July 2005 (01:27 PM),
J.D. said:

Mom, you’ll note that my guess for Dad is ENTP, too. He was a lot more T than me, though. (Nick says he thinks I’m more F than I give myself credit for. This is interesting because Naomi insists that I’m an F not a T.)

Kristin, I also had trouble guessing yours. (Any guess where I have three lower-case levels indicates I had trouble.) In fact, I almost had you down as a J. And I didn’t think you could be both S and F, but guessed that you’d be a T instead of an N. This is all quite fun to me — can you tell?



On 19 July 2005 (01:30 PM),
Amy Jo said:

ESFJ: “Seller.” Most sociable of all types. Nuturer of harmony. Outstanding host or hostess. 12.3% of total population.

The Enneagram results play into some of my worst fears about being a worrisome control freak. Type 1 Perfectionism, 90%, Type 2 Helpfulness, 73%, Anxiety, 60% . . . “I must be perfect and good to be happy.”



On 19 July 2005 (01:44 PM),
tony said:

You where close big brother, I am a ENTP

Extroverted = 64%
Intuitive = 65%
Thinking = 63%
Perceiving = 63%

I was labeled as a “Inventor”



On 19 July 2005 (01:53 PM),
Jeff said:

Yeah, I can see Tony as an “inventor” (like Dad). JD, not so much… not that we don’t all have some Dad-like tendencies (Tony’s spelling would be another fine example).

PS… Hi Tony!



On 19 July 2005 (02:05 PM),
Kris said:

My result was ESTJ, but the extrovert was 52% versus 48% introvert. This feels pretty right to me; I crave both alone and social time. I was much more one-sided on the other three, and was surprised by the 79% on Sensing. Then again, perhaps that explains some of my scientific tendencies.

“Administrator”: (8.7% of total population) Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Tower of strength. Hmmm.

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to many that my enneagram type came out as 1(Perfectionism 83%) and 8 (Aggressiveness 70%). I, too, am happy when I am perfect and good as well as strong and in control; strong sense of ethics and high standards for self and others. Watch out!



On 19 July 2005 (02:21 PM),
Denise said:

J.D. – did you seriously think you were an Introvert? Come on….



On 19 July 2005 (02:59 PM),
JEREMY said:

I am thoroughly embarrassed to have spent 15 minutes of what has been a VERY busy day to do this, but I got a VERY persuasive message from JD!

50%/50% Split between ENFJ and ESFJ
ENFJ-“Persuader” Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of the population.

ESFJ-“Seller” Most sociable of all types. Nurturer of harmony. Outstanding host or hostesses. 12.3% of the population.

Enneagram Results

Type1: Perfectionism: 80%
Type2: Helpfulness: 60%
Type3: Image awareness: 66%
Type4: Sensitivity: 26%
Type5: Detachment: 13%
Type6: Anxiety: 30%
Type7: Adventurousness: 73%
Type8: Aggressiveness: 63%
Type9: Calmness: 36%

I scored as a Type1 – according to the test I am idealistic and strive for perfection. Morals and ethics drive me. I live with an overbearing critic that never rests! (oops – i forgot the word “internal” right before “critic” in the previous sentence – some of you may find this very humorous) I am always comparing myself to others and are overly concerned with external criticism.

My favorite part of this whole excercise:

My variant is…. you guessed it…. SEXUAL!!!

Wooooo fucking Whooooo!

Overall I score highest on assertive traits, followed by compliant traits, and lowest on withdrawn traits.

You happy now, MF?



On 19 July 2005 (03:34 PM),
Pam said:

ISTJ – “Trustee”. Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 11.6% of total population.

this description fits me pretty well. i never would have dubbed myself “guardian of time-honored institutions,” but it really fits (I often call myself “traditional”) perhaps it’s why I am so ill at ease with all this hi-tech stuff. Most people peg me as extroverted because I am loud and outspoken and like to chit chat, but I work better alone and often feel mentally drained after a big gathering.

And no shocker: Perfection (83%), Detached (70%), agressive (63%)



On 19 July 2005 (04:01 PM),
J.D. said:

Michael (an ENFP) writes in with the Myers-Briggs light bulb joke. How many of your personality type does it take to change a light bulb?

ISTJ: One worked in the past, so one will work now!
ISFJ: Only one, me, as long as it is OK with everyone else.
INFJ: Does the light bulb really want to be changed?
INTJ: Could you please define change? And what exactly do you mean by a light bulb?
ISTP: One.
ISFP: Zero — the ISFP is happy just sitting there and experiencing the dark
INFP: Two: one to change it and one for support
INTP: Hmm…light…, illuminate… I=10.76LT(I/4f)(F/V)² Hcos40+If
ESTP: None, till I check the breaker.
ESFP: Who cares – the important thing is that it would be fun!
ENFP: Well let’s see, there’s one to notice the bulb is out, and one to make a new lampshade, and one to read a magazine article on alternative lighting means, and one to draw a picture of a candle, and…
ENTP: One, but only after tightening, wiggling, shaking, testing, etc. to make sure it’s not something else.
ESTJ: The cost/benefit ratio would dictate only one.
ESFJ: At least two – let me get on the phone and call someone to come over…
ENFJ: But that was my favorite light bulb!
ENTJ: YOU!!! CHANGE THAT DARN BULB!!!

After having discussed this all with Nick for a long time this afternoon, and after having thought about Kris and Pam, two of my favorite Ss, I’ve come to the conclusion that an S is much more literal-minded than an N.



On 19 July 2005 (04:12 PM),
Jeff said:

I read this and immediately thought of Nick:

ISFP: Zero – the ISFP is happy just sitting there and experiencing the dark



On 19 July 2005 (04:18 PM),
Mom said:

“ENTP: One, but only after tightening, wiggling, shaking, testing, etc, to make sure it’s not something else.”

I can’t count the number of times your dad did that, J.D.! LOL! And I’m quite sure I’ve seen Tony doing the same thing.



On 19 July 2005 (04:25 PM),
Nikchick said:

I’ve always come out INFP, even after periods where I thought I’d massively changed/come out of my shell/become more comfortable with myself.



On 19 July 2005 (05:18 PM),
Tammy said:

okay I gotta do this too. There was no surprise with my results. Here it is.

Extroverted (E) 89.66% Introverted (I) 10.34%
Sensing (S) 68.57% Intuitive (N) 31.43%
Feeling (F) 63.16% Thinking (T) 36.84%
Judging (J) 58.06% Perceiving (P) 41.94%

So I’m an ESFJ as is 12.3 % of the population. I’m a sellar and make a great hostess.

Anyone who knows me knows how true this is! it’s amazing!



On 19 July 2005 (07:43 PM),
Aimee said:

ENFJ – Spot on, J.D.

I want to know how you guessed … About all of us, really.

I took this test earlier this year for nursing school and thought it was bunk … But, now that I’ve achieved exactly the same score I’m beginning to wonder about these Meyers-Briggs tests …



On 19 July 2005 (08:02 PM),
Joel said:

Close JD: ENTP



On 19 July 2005 (09:05 PM),
Paul J. said:

I (67%)
N (60%)
F (60%)
P (82%)



On 20 July 2005 (06:57 AM),
tammy said:

This truly is strange on a couple of levels. Jd, I just noticed how you had me figured out. You actually had me as thinking indtead of feelng which kinda of surprises me but it is totaly amazing how close you got to all of us.

Another funny thing is how ESFJ’s say, at least two , let me get on the phone and call someone over. Every time my husband and I do a project I try to get others to help and he hates it. This weekend we set up the kids pool and I kept declaring the job far too great for us and I couldnt see why he didnt call another an to help. He gets so upset when I suggest such a thing. Now i can tell him that it’s really not something I can help. I’m an ESFJ after all!

I tried to figure out which one he is before I checked the lightbulb dialogue and I guessed him as an ISTP. Then I go up and look and the ISTP Says ONE! I think I pegged him! We are on opposite ends of the spectrum! That answers a lot of my questions!



On 20 July 2005 (07:29 AM),
dowingba said:

That Wikipedia article is exceptionally badly written. “Judging and Perceiving tell us which of the two preferred functions, the judging function or the perceiving function, is used in the outer world.” Hyuck!



On 20 July 2005 (07:41 AM),
dowingba said:

By the way, I’m:

“ISTP – “Engineer”. Values freedom of action and following interests and impulses. Independent, concise in speech, master of tools. 5.4% of total population.”



On 20 July 2005 (03:24 PM),
Lisa said:

INFP
A piddling 12% of the population suffer in my gray zone.



On 20 July 2005 (04:06 PM),
Lisa said:

Typo. I meant 1% of the population is INFP.



On 21 July 2005 (10:18 AM),
Lynn said:

I am an ISTP. “Engineer”. Values freedom of action and following interests and impulses. Independent, concise in speech, master of tools. 5.4% of total population.

I’m a type 4 on the Enneagram: I must avoid painful feelings to be happy. Well, duh?

Moderation in Nothing

Dad used to tell the following story about me, more as a means to demonstrate the nature of his character than to demonstrate the nature of mine.

When I was a boy, probably around Harrison’s age, I wanted a goldfish. I don’t know why I wanted a goldfish, but I wanted one. Instead of buying a goldfish and a bowl for me, Dad went out and bought a twenty-gallon tank and a pump and filters and scads of tropical fish. “What do you think of that, David?” he asked. I wasn’t very appreciative. I wanted a goldfish.

Dad laughed when he told this story. It illustrated one of his character flaws. Whatever he did, he did with enthusiasm. He didn’t want to just sail boats, he wanted to build his own, and so he did (or tried to, anyhow). He didn’t want to just use computer programs, he wanted to write his own, and so he did.

Many of you will have recognized some of the same tendency in me. It’s often been remarked how I obsess over something for a period of time, only to leave it behind and move on to something else. The list is long: astronomy, chess, computer programming, tropical fish, bicycling, photography, gardening, board games, soccer, Latin, etcetera, etcetera.

I am a dilettante. This is not a quality of which I’m proud.

The crux of the problem is that when I obsess with something, I do so at the expense of other aspects of my life. In reality, these obsessions are nothing more than a manifestation of a fundamental character flaw.

Why am I overweight? Why have I had money issues? Why does my library contain more books that I will ever possibly read? Why? Because I am, historically, unable to practice moderation.

“Moderation in all things,” admonished the ancients (many of them). Aristotle argued that moderation was the course to a happy life. Perhaps that explains why I’ve been fundamentally unhappy lately.

My unhappiness runs deep. It pervades my soul, my spirit. It’s been my dominant mode for the past three months. I could write for a week on this subject alone, but I won’t. It’s something that I need to overcome. (And Kris is helping me to do so.)

Instead, I’d like to draw attention to one possible source of my unhappiness, a drastic lapse of moderation.

World of Warcraft was released November 23rd, 144 days ago. Since then, I’ve spent almost exactly fourteen days playing the game. Yes, that’s right: fourteen days. A full ten percent of my life has been spent in game since Thanksgiving.

This is immoderation at its worst.

What do I have to show for this time? A host of virtual identities:

7 days, 7 hours, and 40 minutes on Proudmoore:
Maturin, 35th level night elf hunter (6d 8h 4m)
Beytu, 7th level tauren warrior (2h 47m)
Judyth, 12th level human priest (17h 41m)
Aylyana, 2nd level troll rogue (13m)
Morted, 6th level undead warlock (1h 53m)
Zapf, 2nd level gnome mage (1h 2m)

1 hour and 30 minutes on Azjul-Nerob:
Muerta, 5th level undead warlock (1h 30m)

21 hours and 17 minutes on Windrunner:
Norrell, 13th level undead warlock (12h 25m)
Poak, 6th level gnome warrior (2h 9m)
Snapp, 8th level gnome mage (4h 43m)

5 days, 18 hours, and 5 minutes on Alleria:
Ocius, 25th level troll hunter (2d 10h 27m)
Chantica, 27th level tauren shaman (3d 2h 6m)
Beytu, 10th level tauren druid (5h 32m)

The really scary numbers in the above list are those for Alleria. I’ve been on Alleria for about six weeks, which means I’ve spent a full day each week playing there. Even scarier, I started Chantica two weeks ago today. So, in the 336 hours since she was created, I’ve played 74 hours with her. I’m afraid to even do that math.

I’ve played this game for 336 hours and 12 minutes since its release. That’s more time than I spent playing Starcraft (and my Starcraft time was spread out over a year). It’s nearly as much time as I spent playing Civilization II (and my Civ2 time was spread out over a decade).

What could I have done with those 336 hours and 12 minutes? I could have listened to thirty audio books. I could have read sixty physical books. I could have probably mastered the rudiments of Latin so that I’d be reading Virgil or Ovid in the original now. I could have taught myself woodworking, and maybe have even built a bookshelf or two. I could have fertilized the blueberries and the grapes. I could have pruned all the trees. I could have replied to e-mail, written to friends, devoted more time to this weblog. I could have made photographs. I could have done lots of things.

I’m not going to quit playing World of Warcraft. It’s fun. Too much fun. I enjoy the time I spend with Will and Joel and Andrew. And Scott S. recently purchased the game, too, and I look forward to playing with him. I am, however, going to practice some moderation, spending far less time online than I am now.

So: Will, Joel, Andrew, and Scott — e-mail or call if you’re going to be on-line and want to go adventuring together. I’ll join you with pleasure. Until then, however, I’m going to be studying Latin.

(Apparently Nate has a similar addiction.)

Comments


On 15 April 2005 (09:59 AM),
J.D. said:

Here’s an interesting sub-quality I possess: it seems that I can never have a completely balanced life. Some aspect (or perhaps more than one) must always be out of whack.

For example, my finances are completely under control now. (They’re in the best shape they’ve ever been, and only getting better!) I began to get control of them in the middle of November which, coincidentally, is about the time World of Warcraft was released.

Or try this: I’ve had a hell of a time with my weight lately. I was getting it under control last spring, had lost twenty pounds, and then we bought the house. I gained the twenty pounds back in six months. It’s my belief that if I were to focus on losing this weight again, some other aspect of my life would spring out of control.

At the core, all of these problems spring from a single fundamental flaw: I have no self-discipline. I have no strength of will. Perhaps I should work on that.

(It’s fortunate that I do seem to be able to exercise self-control when it comes to those things I perceive as potentially dangerous: alcohol and tobacco.)



On 15 April 2005 (02:33 PM),
Dave said:

Perhaps you overly perseverate your perseveration.

On 15 April 2005 (02:53 PM),
Amanda said:

Whoa. I would give serious reconsideration to dropping the gaming. What is it really adding to your life? Are there other activities that you can do with your gaming friends?

Perhaps I am unfairly biased. I don’t get these sort of games. On the other hand, I spend way more time watching TV than I should.

We all have our time-wasting vices.

On 15 April 2005 (03:05 PM),
J.D. said:

Yes, but for some people — such as Kris — that vice is knitting. sigh

This vice hasn’t just made me feel poorly physically, it’s also affected my output in this weblog. It’s difficult for me to write about all the fun little things that happen to me day-to-day when all that is happening is that Joel and I are killing Troggs and getting bright new shiny Sporkenators. Nobody cares. Not even me!

Moderation. Moderation. Moderation.

This ought to be my mantra.

On 15 April 2005 (06:07 PM),
Tammy said:

I dont think knitting can be placed in the same category as playing games on the computer. I believe it falls more along the lines of playing chess or reading. It’s constructive. There’s something tangible to show for your efforts.

IMO, getting lost on the computer is the worst feeling in the wolrd. It always leaves me feeling bad about myself. It’t unlike any of my other addictions. I’m happy to say that as of January I haven’t spent a lot of time on the computer; nothing like I used to. I’ve never played computer games. I know I would get addicted.

I dont do ebay either because of my addictive personality. If there’s something I want an ebay I email a link to my husband and he bids on it for me. He doesn’t seem to have addictions to anything. I wish I could be more like that.

On 15 April 2005 (07:37 PM),
nate said:

I do indeed have a similar addiction… though my roommate is even more invested in it than I am. I’m only level 41, but he hit 53 just today. For him, I think it’s pretty much, eat, sleep, play WoW, and maybe go to class.

(Oh, and while the link in your post has my new URL, the one on your sidebar doesn’t. Just FYI.)

On 15 April 2005 (11:10 PM),
dowingba said:

Whoa. I would give serious reconsideration to dropping the gaming. What is it really adding to your life?

I hate when people say things like this. Let me ask you this: how is it hurting you to play games? Do you enjoy it? Then do what you enjoy. Why does everything one does in life have to accomplish some material goal in order to be worthwhile? Can’t you just enjoy life once in a while?

I haven’t played WoW (or any other MMORPG), but from reading various snippets of this site, it sure sounds like it’s a pretty enjoyable game. Doing something you enjoy = good.

On 15 April 2005 (11:13 PM),
dowingba said:

And Tammy, explain to me how playing chess has more tangible results than playing computer games? Does this apply to computer chess as well?

On 16 April 2005 (09:19 AM),
Tammy said:

Ah dowingba, I haven’t heard from you in forever. The only reason I mentioned chess was because JD listed it among his obsessions. Upon review of the above entry I see that he didn’t necessarily rate it as a better pursuit than computer games, only as one of his addictions.

I originally read that to mean that he considered that list more worth while pursuits. And not being a computer game player I didn’t even think about it being played on the computer. But you’re right. It isan’t much more worthwhile than the games JD is playing, especially if it’s played on the computer.

On 16 April 2005 (11:33 AM),
Paul said:

NY Times faux depression quiz:

On 18 April 2005 (08:13 AM),
sennoma said:

Your Dad calls you David?

On 18 April 2005 (02:07 PM),
Amanda said:

Wow! It’s a red letter day! Tammy and I agree on something! Knitting is productive and yes, that makes a difference.

Now, dowingba, calm the fuck down. Seriously. Methinks thou dost protest too much. And to answer your hyperdefensive post, um, was JD not asking, at least by proxy, for some feedback and/or advice?

Man. Go take a Xanax or something.

Unfunny

I’ve been chronically unfunny lately. I don’t mean just here, in the virtual world, but also in real life. It’s as if I’ve lost my sense of humor.

I used to write about swearing in front of my nephews, and the bizarre encounters I have on my walks to the library, and the stupid things I do in front of my customers, but I rarely do that anymore. Has all the color drained from my life? Have I become completely grey?

Why, no! (Though I am tired a lot. )

What happened to my sense of humor? Where did it go? When did I stop laughing at things? When did I stop observing all the amusing things in every day life?

Funny things happen to me all the time. I’ll try to write about them more often.

For example:

Did I mention that on the last night the Mirons spent in our home, Joel and I walked to Safeway to buy ingredients for dinner? Well, we did. But because I’m on a self-imposed budget, I had only the $14 in my pocket to spend, and I refused to spend more. This forced us to slink around the store searching for Great Deals.

Kris wanted tomatoes, a vegetable (or fruit, if you want to get technical about the whole thing) about which I know very little. I certainly can’t tell a good tomato from a bad tomato, unless the bad tomato is Very Very Bad. So I put Joel in charge. He sniffed them first, looking for those with the most tomatoey smell. I know this method works well for pineapple and watermelon, so it made sense that it also worked for tomatoes. Considering our financial restraints, he very carefully weighed out three or four Roma tomatoes for use in our American tacos.

(Kris loves American tacos, the only dish she remembers fondly from childhood. (She loves her mother, but she did not love her cooking.) What are American tacos? In Kris’ world, American tacos require those gnarly U-shaped crispy shells, lettuce, tomatoes, ground beef, cheddar cheese, and — the coup de grace — ketchup. No, salsa will not do. Nor will tomato sauce. For Kris to be content with her tacos, she must have ketchup. And she says I have food problems…)

So, Joel gathered the tomatoes, I grabbed some strawberries, and we headed for the juice. Joel chose some miscellaneous juice, but I pointed out that the Safeway-brand cranberry juices were on sale: buy-one-get-one-free and the first one was only $3. What a Great Deal! We picked up a couple more items (gnarly U-shaped crispy shells and real tortillas), then headed to the register. My total was only about $13. I had a dollar bill left over after all that shopping.

Walking home, we passed two teenage girls loitering on the sidewalk. One of girls, clad in a tight blue tube top, smiled at us and held out some cash. While it would have been flattering to believe she were propositioning us — and we may not have declined — she actually wanted us to participate in a different sort of illegal activity. “If I give you some money, will you buy us some cigarettes?” she asked.

Joel began to speak, but I was quicker: “Nah, we’ve got to get home to make tacos for dinner.” Joel stifled a snicker, and we walked on. (I never did ask him what caused the stifled snicker — which sounded sort of like a pig-snort — though I can imagine any number of possible sources of amusement in the situation.)

At home, Kris was disappointed in our shopping skills. “These tomatoes suck,” she said. “They’re not ripe. They’re way too firm.”

I adopted the only possible defense. “I don’t know anything about tomatoes;Joel picked them out,” I said piously. “He even sniffed them!”

“Well, I guess I can salvage one,” she said.

“What does it matter?” I asked. “You’re just going to smother your taco in ketchup.” Kris glared at me, and I left the kitchen.

We had a grand meal of American tacos, but nobody drank the bargain cranberry juice which had been such a Great Deal.

The next day, Kris and I walked to the bank. On our way, I was telling her about the teenage girl in the blue tube top that had offered us money for cigarettes. “Is that her?” she asked, pointing up the street to a teenage girl in a blue tube top down. It was! It was the same girl, and she was still wearing the blue tube top. She must love that thing. She must also have found somebody to buy her cigarettes, because she and her friend were smoking. Oh so cool.

Meanwhile, I still had the dollar bill in my wallet.

In fact, that dollar bill stayed in my wallet, unspent, until this afternoon. (It was finally put to rest in order to procure a Costco weenie for my dining pleasure.) I’d like to be able to claim that this is evidence of my parsimony, but that would be, well, untrue.

It is true that I’ve been quite frugal with my personal money, and have, in fact, spent almost nothing since that grocery trip a week ago; however, I’ve been spending Computer Resources money like it’s going out of style: a digital camera here, new software there, and heck! let’s get a book or two while we’re at it!

But I’ve got two unopened bottles of cranberry juice in my fridge. They were a Great Deal.

Comments


On 15 March 2005 (03:14 PM),
Jethro said:

American tacos with ketchup on them aren’t even tacos anymore — Crispy Corn Shelled Hamburgers would be a more appropriate name.

Now, take some fresh homemade tortillas, some carne asada, maybe a little cabbage and cilantro, a few shakes of Tapatio and couple slices of chile peppers and you’ve got a real taco! I think I hear Luis’ Taqueria calling my name…

PS- If you must have American tacos, you could at least make the Cooks Illustrated version — they really aren’t any more authentic than any other hard-shelled tacos, but oh are they tasty.



On 15 March 2005 (06:06 PM),
mac said:

what software did you buy? Photoshop CS? or maybe version 7.0? Or something else?



On 16 March 2005 (08:09 AM),
J.D. said:

Look! A bonus mini-weblog entry:

Tonight for dinner I had a Banquet Salisbury Steak Meal. This frozen food was once called a TV dinner, but now it’s simply a meal. Why the distinction?

Growing up, I thought TV dinners were a treat, the pinnacle of food science. They came in foil trays with foil lining. They baked in the oven for nearly an hour, and when they were finished one had a delicious meal of fried chicken, turkey loaf, or, my favorite, salisbury steak. When we had a baby-sitter, we always hoped we’d have TV dinners for supper.

Time has passed, as it will do, and now these TV dinners come in plastic trays with a thing film of plastic lining. They’re nuked in the microwave for just five or six minutes before they’re ready to eat. Ostensibly, the varieties available are the same as they ever were, but it seems to me corners are being cut somewhere.

Tonight, my little section of corn had maybe eighty rubbery kernels (probably reject from chicken feed). My “mashed potatoes” were a watery, reconstituted mush, similar to the paste the tards used to eat in grade school. And the salisbury steak? Well, calling this mystery meat a “steak” is a wonderful leap of the imagination.

Still, I ate the sad little “meal” with great relish. (Only 340 calories!) Sadder still, when I had finished, I put my face to the plastic tray and I licked up every last remnant of the fatty, salty “gravy”.

I have no shame.

“I’m a half pound off my dietary goals,” I told Kris this morning. I weigh 194-1/2 when I want to weight 194.

“It’s probably because of all the marshmallows you’ve been eating,” she said. She’s probably right.

I’ve been steering clear of candies and cake cookies, which is good. However, I’ve replaced these evil foods with marshmallows. I love marshmallows. Kris bought a bag of jumbo marshmallows when Joel and Aimee arrived, but it’s gone now. Last night I was so that I cracked into the miniature marshmallows. They’re not nearly as good.



On 16 March 2005 (08:17 AM),
Tammy said:

I was raised on the crunchy shells too. I never remember having the soft tortillas growing up. Greg and I have hit on a favorite that I learned from Dave Stegmeir, the teacher there in the Canby schools. (my pastor at the time) I used to hang out at his house all the time. In fact all of the teens hung out there. Millie would make us fried corn tortillas with all the fixins. That one summer we ate more corn tortillas than I ever ate in my entire previous life- which was none! Dave stretched long tables out under the trees and people came and went and ate all evening all summer long!

For some reason I’ve always preferred the white flour tortillas until a few months ago when I recalled thsoe fried corn ones! Now my family is as hooked on them as I am.



On 16 March 2005 (09:13 AM),
Joel said:

Kris was very correct about those tomatoes being miserable. One was so under-ripe it was bright white in the middle! Anyone read the young-adult book “Bunnicula”? It’s about a vampire rabbit that would suck the essence out of vegetables (hilarious). It was like Bunnicula had attacke the Safeway produce.



On 16 March 2005 (09:32 AM),
Rich R said:

“As training, tonight I’ll go through the Netflix queue and add a half dozen Very Funny movies.”

Uhhh…is that even possible???



On 16 March 2005 (09:38 AM),
J.D. said:

No, Rich. No, it’s not.

Somewhere I have a copy of Spinal Tap, but I’ve lost it. Or somebody borrowed it and never returned it. I wonder where it is. Anyone? Anyone?

The following is quote from the comments section of Denise’s weblog:

Kris and I watched Pretty in Pink on TV last night, the first time I’ve seen it in nearly twenty years. (For all I know, I once saw it with Denise. It wouldn’t surprise me.)

It was better than I had remembered, and worse than Kris had remembered. Duckie was pretty lame, but I still totally identify with him.

The amazing thing was that Molly Ringwald uses the word ‘fuck’ at one point, and because it’s the only time in the film the word is used, it has a lot of force. It was shocking. Also, it was shocking to hear the word ‘fuck’ on TV. It’s not something you hear everyday. (We were watching Turner Classic Movies.)



On 16 March 2005 (09:46 AM),
J.D. said:

From my e-mail exchange with Rich:

Rich: Yeah, I have a hell of a time finding movies that are really good and funny movies.

J.D.: Agreed. Now, if I actually owned Election or Rushmore on DVD, I’d be in good shape.

Can any of you think of any funny movies that are actually good?



On 16 March 2005 (09:53 AM),
Jethro said:

O Brother Where Art Thou



On 16 March 2005 (11:07 AM),
jeremy said:

Spinal Tap is currently residing at my house. I was wondering who onwned it.



On 16 March 2005 (11:12 AM),
Rich R said:

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Princess Bride, Harvey…

I’m always lousy at remembering favorites, but there’s a few of them.



On 16 March 2005 (11:13 AM),
jenefer said:

When I read you giving Kris a hard time about the American Tacos with hard sheels and catsup, I couldn’t believe you followed up with your Banquet Salisbury steak meal. Ugh!!. Anything home-made or home conpiled is better than anything frozen and nuked. I think she is right giving you a hard time about food preferences.

Since we are currently without a kitchen due to our remodel, we have been eating a lot of frozen dinners. The Banquet ones are terrible. Bob even said: “You don’t have to buy that again.” about the Salisbury steak.

Swanson is a little better, but the best seems to be the Lean Cuisine. Liz likes it better than either Banquet or Swanson and I really think some of the Lean Cuisine are GOOD. A lot of the entrees are chicken, but there are some beef and pork. Very few calories. Try the Chicken with angel hair pasta and basil cream sauce.



On 16 March 2005 (03:14 PM),
Joel said:

The Three Amigos

Happy Thanksgiving

This remains one of those rare holidays about which I have no cynicism. It’s not been commercialized. It’s a day for reflection, and for family gatherings.

I am thankful for a wonderful wife, three silly cats, and this beautiful old house. I am thankful for the business my father created, a business that provides me a good job in a relaxed and casual environment. I am thankful for my health, for a world filled with wonderful things to discover, for the beauty all around me. I am thankful for books, and music, and computer games. Especially books.

I am thankful for this forum. I am thankful for friends. I am thankful for you.

Happy Thankgsgiving, everybody.

Comments

On 25 November 2004 (10:45 AM),
Tiffany said:

Love you, J.d.

On 25 November 2004 (07:28 PM),
Mom (Sue) said:

Same here.

The Man I Want To Be

I understand the principles behind weight loss. I understand the approximate number of calories per pound, the conversion of excess calories to fat storage (and the reverse), the effects of exercise on one’s metabolism. I understand this on an intellectual level, but often have trouble applying this knowledge in any practical fashion. In order for me to lose weight, I usually have to keep a minute record of my calorie intake so that I am forced to see precisely where I’m spending my calories. (And that’s how I look at it: as if I’m budgeting 2000 calories per day that I may spend how I please.)

My brother, Jeff, has tried a somewhat different approach, and it’s worked for him. To achieve his recent weight loss, he’s simply eschewed food during the day and then allowed himself to eat whatever he pleases at night. Yes, this violates traditional weight-loss advice (“eat many small meals rather than a few large meals”), but it’s worked for him.

“Don’t you get hungry during the day?” I asked him yesterday.

“Sure,” he said, “especially when I first started. But now it’s not such a big deal. I don’t even notice it, really. Plus if I get really hungry, I have a small snack, usually some protein.”

I’ll give Jeff’s method a try for a while, just for a change of pace. If that doesn’t work, I can always fall back to recording every little thing I eat.

“I’m not he man I want to be,” I told Nick the other day.

“Who’s the man you want to be?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. But this isn’t it.”

When my friends come to me with the weight of the world upon their shoulders, when life is bringing them down, I always tell them: “The only person who can make you happy is yourself. Happiness comes from within.”

That’s good advice. Sometimes, though, it’s easier to give advice than to take it.

If I had come to myself seeking advice, I would have said: “Happiness comes from within. If you’re not happy with the man you are, then be the man you want to be. If the man you want to be writes when he gets home from work, then write when you get home from work. If the man you want to be is fit, then be fit. If the man you want to be is not a smart-ass, then don’t be a smart-ass. If the man you want to be doesn’t watch TV, then do not watch TV. Read. Listen to classical music. Cook. Keep the house clean. Form deeper relationships with your friends. Be the man you want to be.”

My advice to myself sounds something like an Army recruitment ad.

“What are your goals?” Kris asked me.

“I don’t want to have goals,” I said. “I don’t want to have a destination. But I know the general direction I want to travel, and I’m on an opposite course.” (“I’m crowding the lee shore,” I thought to myself. I’ve been reading too much Patrick O’Brian.)

Dad used to say, “If you don’t change directions, you’ll arrive at where your headed.” I don’t like the place I’m headed.

Driving back from Hillsboro yesterday, I stopped at Voget Meats to pick up some smoked center-cut pork chops. Later, I stopped at the produce stand in Oregon City to buy an onion, a bag of potatoes, and some apples (both Jonathan and Jonagold).

At home, I prepared not one dinner, but two. I cubed the potatoes, boiled them, added salt, butter, seasoning and mashed the hell out of them. I grilled the pork. When Kris got home from work, she had a delicious dinner waiting for her.

The man I want to be cooks for his wife.

While waiting for the potatoes to boil, I set a pot of beans to soak. (When I get home today, I’ll boil the beans, add some onions and garlic, add left-over pork and a glass of wine, yielding a fine bean soup.)

After dinner, I sat in the parlor reading Brideshead Revisited while listening to classical music.

The man I want to be reads in the parlor while listening to classical music.

In the evening, I drove to the gym. I toured the cardio room, the weight room, the pool. I asked questions. (“That pool is pretty small. Oregon City has a lap pool. Can I use both facilities?”) I signed up for six months.

The man I want to be is fit. He exercises regularly.

And wouldn’t you know it, I find myself a happier person today. All it took was a tiny bit of effort to change my direction.

Comments

On 11 November 2004 (08:18 AM),
Lisa said:

Don’t stop being a smart-ass, please.

On 11 November 2004 (08:56 AM),
Jeff said:

Before the critisizm starts, I should probably expand on JD’s description of The Jethro Diet. My basic rules are as follows:

1. I only eat when I am truly hungry.

2. I drink a lot of water. NO SODA POP!

3. If I eat lunch, I make sure it is high in protein and complex carbs. (i.e. a tuna sandwich on whole grain bread with a side of pepperoncini’s, a Lean Ole burrito (chicken & bean) with salsa, etc).

4. No sweets. No candy, cookies, etc. Refined sugars are bad. If I want something sweet, I will eat fruit.

5. Moderation. I Stop eating when I am comfortably full. I take smaller portions to start with so I don’t feel I have to clean the plate.

6. Balance. You need a mix of protein and complex carbs. The Atkins diet is a little out of balance.

7. Keep moving. As long as you are moving, you are burning calories. I have a very active 2-year-old to help me with this.

I often refer to my diet as The Starve Yourself During the Day and Eat Whatever You Want For Dinner Diet.

For me, breakfast is just a natural meal to skip; so I just have coffee. If I am starving in the morning, I will eat some toast with strawberry jam. Othewise, I will not eat anything until lunch (if I am burning enough calories to need it) or even until after 3:00, when I will snack on slice of cheese, or a cup of peanuts, or a scoop of peanut butter.

I probably take this part to an extreme, but at this point I have the self-discipline and determination to make it work.

I tried the multiple small meals thing, and it didn’t work for me (without spending 10 hours a week at the gym). I would eat my small meals during the day and not have enough calories left for any unexpected dinner plans (going out to eat — either to a restaurant or to a friend’s house, or even just Steph cooking my favorite meal).

I weighed in at 215 at the end of February, and now weigh at 183. I actually gained a few pounds back at the end of September, but have been able to get back down to 183.

On 11 November 2004 (08:58 AM),
Jennifer Gingerich said:

Jd, I’ve always had a little different view of happiness than you. I really don’t believe happiness comes from within. Happiness comes from your actions and how those actions impact the world and most especially the people you love. The happiest moments of my life are not the moments when I do something for myself. I won’t find happiness on an extravagant vacation. The happiest times are when I make someone else happy. When I work hard at a project that others can enjoy. Happiness is achieved through hard work. Work that requires personal sacrifice usually brings the most satisfaction. Cooking and cleaning for your wife brings satisfaction to her, but in the end I think you will feel happier.

I once heard a guy on NPR tlak about his work with the Red Cross at refugee camps. The conditions were terrible, so much death, destruction, and loss. So little hope for most of the people. The comentator asked him why does he keep volunteering? He said, “The high I gets from helping others cannot be compared to anything else. This work brings more happiness and satisfaction than anything else in life.”

The Mennonite and Christian part of me wants to state it simply, Serve others.

From one smart ass to another. Please don’t stop!

On 11 November 2004 (09:43 AM),
Andrew Parker said:

Does the man you want to be still enjoy a good rant about the election results? Potty-mouthed but entertaining:

http://www.fuckthesouth.com

On 11 November 2004 (10:11 AM),
mac said:

I was going to try and get you to join the metro family YMCA with me. But you beat me to the gym thing. I’ve lost a whopping total of 5 lbs in 5 weeks–and I’ve been working my butt off in the gym for those 5 weeks. It’s been discouraging, I was hoping for 2 lbs a week. I haven’t been limiting my calories very much, but that’s the next step. In fact, it started today…I’m hungry :)

On 11 November 2004 (10:45 AM),
J.D. said:

There’s something to what Jenn says. Happiness can come through making others happy. But I take issue with the following: Work that requires personal sacrifice usually brings the most satisfaction. This simply isn’t true for me.

For myself — and this may make me sound like an ogre — I’ve never found much fulfillment through altruism. I’ve considered volunteering my time at a library, not because it would make others happy but because it’s a political act: I think others should read more, and I want to do what I can to further that end. Volunteer work has never made me happy, and I’ve always thought it was mere propaganda when people claimed it would. (It does make me happy when I’m able to do something for a friend — or to give them a gift — and this causes them genuine delight. Then, I agree, giving to others is a happy thing.)

When am I happy in my life? I’m happy when Kris and I are together with no responsibilities: on a vacation in Victoria, or working together in the yard. I’m happy when I’m alone in the woods, crawling barefoot over rocks and streams and logs and ferns. I’m happy when I’m deep in a good book. I’m happy when I’m learning a new skill — photography, gardening, writing. I’m happy when I’m sorting something: books, alphabetically; computer files, categorically; shop tools, according to function. I’m happy when I’m playing soccer with a team. I’m happy at dinner parties. I’m happy when I’m in a yurt playing games with Mac and Pam, or preparing a nice meal with Jeremy and Jennifer, or spending a week on a lake in northern Minnesota with Dana and Andrew. I’m happy when I’m fit. I’m happy when I’m writing. I’m happy when I’m growing as a person.

Mostly, I think each person is different. When I tell a friend, “Happiness comes from within” or “Only you can make yourself happy”, what I’m really saying is that these people should define their self-worth and derive enjoyment in life from whatever it is that brings them joy, not from the sources others (especially the media) tell them will bring them joy. When I’m unhappy, and when my friends are unhappy, I think it’s often because they’re looking to external sources to define their self-worth and to tell them what should make them happy. This is a mistake. They need to look inside. If volunteering will make you happy, then volunteer. If smoking a cigar will make you happy, then smoke a cigar. Insofar as your happiness does not infringe on the happiness of any other person, pursue it.

Follow your bliss.

On 11 November 2004 (10:51 AM),
J.D. said:

[More on following your bliss from Joseph Campbell:

And I have the firm belief in this now, not only in terms of my own experience but in knowing about the experience of others, that when you follow your bliss, doors will open where you would not have thought there were going to be doors and where there wouldn’t be a door for anybody else.

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track, which has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living.

Maybe I should go re-read Campbell…]

On 11 November 2004 (11:16 AM),
Dana said:

If you meet the Monomyth upon the road:

a) Call it to adventure
b) Tempt it with refusal
c) Confront it with a threshold guardian
…
z) Kill it and take it’s stuff

On 11 November 2004 (11:23 AM),
Dave said:

Andrew- It appears that Mr. Fuckthesouth.com has a bit of a ‘tude. Not undeservedly so, however, except on the bit about thinking it’s not ok to keep assault weapons in your glove box. My libertarian side kept saying, “What’s wrong with that?”

Now if I could just get my hands on some depleted uranium 9mm or .357 ammo…

On 11 November 2004 (12:27 PM),
Nikchick said:

Once again I’m struck by the (dare I say) obsession with weight and how much it seems to color your sense of self and happiness with yourself. The numbers especially seem to trigger these bouts of doubt and dissatisfaction.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want to be fit, or that you shouldn’t try, but it certainly seems that you’re not actually doing what you want to do. You struggle with it, you spend a great deal of time and energy on it, but really, is it making you *happier*? Is it so wrong to come to a comfortable compromise where you recognize that you enjoy food, that sitting down to read or puttering in your yeard brings you more pleasure than biking 15 miles?

Perhaps I’m wrong and you do get more enjoyment and satisfaction with life when you’re biking or following a strict diet and regimen of denial, but it certainly hasn’t sounded like it for all the public musing you’ve done on the subject (before, during, and after). The question then seems to be “Why, if that’s what makes you happy, do you not do it?”

My inner skeptic answers, “Because it doesn’t really make us happy,” but maybe I’m just missing something.

On 11 November 2004 (02:23 PM),
Tony said:

THE MAN YOU WANT TO BE IS ME!!!!

SUCK IT UP, STOP CRYING, AND CHANGE WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. LET THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.

On 11 November 2004 (02:23 PM),
Tony said:

THE MAN YOU WANT TO BE IS ME!!!!

SUCK IT UP, STOP CRYING, AND CHANGE WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. LET THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.

On 11 November 2004 (06:11 PM),
Kristin said:

JD,

1. How is Voget’s “on the way back” from Hillsboro??? Does Custom Box really want you making “sales calls”? ;)

2. Romans 7:18-25

On 17 November 2004 (04:04 PM),
Sambar said:

The person that wrote and operates “Fuckthesouth” appears to be Nick Jehlen according to Rick Bradley. Curiously, the info about Nick is no longer on Rick’s site but it can’t escape the long arm of Google’s cache.
Nick used a pseudonym on his whois.com registration.

Registrar: DOTSTER
Domain Name: FUCKTHESOUTH.COM
Created on: 04-NOV-04
Expires on: 04-NOV-05
Last Updated on: 10-NOV-04

Administrative, Technical Contact:
Swift, Jonathan admin@fuckthesouth.com
1 Main St
Madison, WI 53703
US
608-257-4131 (Now disconnected, I wonder why…?)

Ironically, Nick lives in Wisconsin which Kerry won by the slimmest of margins at just 11,813 votes (1,488,935 to 1,477,122).

It also appears that many of Nick’s fellow state citizens don’t share his ideology in Dane County where he rents an apartment in the Madison Technical College District. He undoubtedly voted for Kerry who won handily by 181,032 to 90,356 which may have led to his misguided and “misunderestimation” of the nation’s shift to conservatism.

Worthy of note is that in 1848, Wisconsin became the 30th state to be accepted into the Union, well *after* the majority of southern states entrance.

On 16 August 2005 (09:00 PM),
Me said:

Semantics asshole, WHERE the author lives has very little to do with the message. This is about the fifth post I’ve read attempting to remove some credit for the blog under the term of him not living in a northern state. I’ve yet to read even one of you fuckers state that you have NO idea if Mr. Jehlen has lived in Wisconsin all his life, for a couple of years, or maybe he just moved there from NY a month ago. Stupid fuckers only illustrating his point more clearly. Oh, he’s from Wisconsin, ha ha! Maybe he just moved there ya assholes, grow a brain morans.

Story Problems

Pop quiz today, boys and girls.

1. You install a new 92% efficient gas furnace. You preset the thermostat to come on only in the morning and in the late afternoons. Your house has limited insulation, many large windows, and two doors without proper weather sealing. How cold will the house be when you arrive home from work? How long will it take to reach room temperature?

2. You buy a house without a bathtub. How many baths do you get to take during your first six months in the house? How much does a bathroom remodel cost? How soon can you start the project?

3a. It is Wednesday. Book group is on Saturday. Brideshead Revisited is 351 pages long, of which you have read seventeen. How many pages remain to be read? Will you finish?

3b. You read approximately 50 pages per hour, regardless of the subject matter. How many hours should you schedule to finish Brideshead Revisited? Will you finish?

3c. You plan to watch two hours of televlision tonight, and tomorrow your sister-in-law flies in for a visit. On Saturday, your brother-in-law flies in. Now will you finish?

4. The World of Warcraft beta goes live. To play, you must download a 2.42gb install file from the internet. You download 81.5mb during the first hour, but have to surrender your ethernet cable so that actual work can get done. During the second hour, you download 64.9mb over your wireless connection. How long will it take to finish the download? What if you switch from wireless to ethernet when you go home at night?

5a. You read (audited?) Master and Commander in 13 days. You read Post Captain in 16 days. You read H.M.S. Suprise in 8 days. You read The Mauritius Command in 12 days. How long will it take you to read all twenty books in the series?

5b. You’re borrowing the O’Brian books from the public library. The library allows you to borrow them for 28 days. (You’re allowed to renew an item if there are no holds on it, but there are always holds on the O’Brian books.) How far in advance must you place a hold so that the next book is ready for you when you finish with the current book?

6. You decide to install two horseshoe pitches in your back yard. A regulation horseshoe pitch is 40 feet from stake to stake. A regulation pitch for women is 27 feet from stake to stake. The only space in which your wife will allow you to place the pitches has an irregular shape, about 28 feet long in one spot and about 34 feet long in the other. How many trees and bushes must you hack in order to create your horseshoe pitches?

7. You weigh 200 pounds. Six months ago you weighed 180 pounds. How many calories did you consume during those six months? How many Hostess Sno-Balls is that? How many hours of bicycling would it take to drop to 180 pounds again? How many Patrick O’Brian novels could you listen to during that time?

I’m in one of my periodic blue moods, an epoch of low self-esteem and self-loathing. Fortunately, Kris is there to lend support. And I’ve got my Simon and Garfunkel to listen to. I’m playing “Old Friends” and “America” over and over again. Simon and Garfunkel carried me through many days and nights of teenage angst. Now I find they’re able to carry me through the days and nights of middle-age angst.

I’ll be my normal cheery self again soon. I promise.

Comments

On 10 November 2004 (09:17 AM),
Pam said:

Enthralled by horseshoe data, I was quite disappointed to see your horseshoe link actually goes to some crappy wargame page (please, never speak of this game to Mac) – seems like a bait and switch to me!

On 10 November 2004 (09:22 AM),
J.D. said:

Oops. I was busy chatting with Nick when I constructed the links. The error is fixed now. And Pam: you should be proud of Mac. He already decline my invitation to join the game… :)

On 10 November 2004 (09:27 AM),
Tiffany said:

Do you ever get the bookclub book read with lots of time to spare?

On 10 November 2004 (10:32 AM),
sennoma said:

Hang in there, JD.

On 10 November 2004 (10:42 AM),
Scott said:

Ok, I’ll tackle number 7.

A 20 lb. gain is roughly 70,000 additional calories beyond what you normally ate. At your age, (presumed) activity level, and weight, you need 2403 calories to maintain your current weight. Doing the math, you ate an additional 384 calories per day in those six months for a total of 2787 calories per day.

A Hostess&trade Sno-Ball is 180 calories. Therefore you ate 389 Snow-Balls.

Again, at your current weight, bicycling 12-13.9 mph burns 768 calories per hour. Therefore, you need to cycle for 91.145 hours.

The four Patrick O’Brian audio books you listed on average are about 11 CDs long each. (I am presuming you listen to the unabridged versions because if you aren’t, I am not sure I want to know you Mr. Roth.) At approximately 70 minutes per CD, you would need to listen to 7.1 novels at 12.83 hours each to reach 91.145 hours.

Hope that helps.

On 10 November 2004 (11:17 AM),
Drew said:

You install a new 92% efficient gas furnace. You preset the thermostat to come on only in the morning and in the late afternoons. Your house has limited insulation, many large windows, and two doors without proper weather sealing.
1. How cold will the house be when you arrive home from work?


Ambient temperature – around 50 degrees


How long will it take to reach room temperature?


23 hours. However, it would have been 24 if you had not added insulation.


2. You buy a house without a bathtub. How many baths do you get to take during your first six months in the house?


Not enough. None of your friends were brave enough to bring it to your attention.


How much does a bathroom remodel cost?


Calculate the amount you can reasonably expect from a second mortgage. Double that number. Add 1.


How soon can you start the project?


6 months + 1 month for each Patrick O’Brian novel read during this time + 1 month for each Book Club meeting + 1 month for each Computer Resource job that you refuse to take, but do anyway – 1 month for each Mr. Bill’s Trivia night at Mickey Finn’s.


3a. It is Wednesday. Book group is on Saturday. Brideshead Revisited is 351 pages long, of which you have read seventeen. How many pages remain to be read?


702. You have already forgotten what you read in the first 17 pages and the Brideshead Revisited is such a convoluted novel that each page will have to be read twice.


Will you finish?


Yes. Except for the last 335 pages. However, noone will notice.


3b. You read approximately 50 pages per hour, regardless of the subject matter. How many hours should you schedule to finish Brideshead Revisited?


Calculate number of hours until Book Club. Subtract 3.5 hours for Mr. Bill’s Trivia at Mickey Finn’s Thursday night. (Includes travel time.)


Will you finish?


See above. (You’re repeating yourself. That’s not a good sign.)


3c. You plan to watch two hours of televlision tonight, and tomorrow your sister-in-law flies in for a visit. On Saturday, your brother-in-law flies in. Now will you finish?


Hope springs eternal.

4. The World of Warcraft beta goes live. To play, you must download a 2.42gb install file from the internet. You download 81.5mb during the first hour, but have to surrender your ethernet cable so that actual work can get done. During the second hour, you download 64.9mb over your wireless connection. How long will it take to finish the download?


Bathroom. Book Club. Relatives. Mr. Bill’s Trivia Night. Wife…Unplug the cable and back away slowly. Get yourself into a support group.


What if you switch from wireless to ethernet when you go home at night?


It will make no difference. Kris will know.


5a. You read (audited?) Master and Commander in 13 days. You read Post Captain in 16 days. You read H.M.S. Suprise in 8 days. You read The Mauritius Command in 12 days. How long will it take you to read all twenty books in the series?


16 hours, playing the books at 6x normal audio.


5b. You’re borrowing the O’Brian books from the public library. The library allows you to borrow them for 28 days. (You’re allowed to renew an item if there are no holds on it, but there are always holds on the O’Brian books.) How far in advance must you place a hold so that the next book is ready for you when you finish with the current book?


Your natural life span (assuming that it is shorter than mine). I have all the O’Brian books on reserve and will hold them hostage until either the bathroom is remodeled or you come to Mr. Bill’s Trivia Night, this Thursday 7-10 at Mickey Finn’s.


6. You decide to install two horseshoe pitches in your back yard. A regulation horseshoe pitch is 40 feet from stake to stake. A regulation pitch for women is 27 feet from stake to stake. The only space in which your wife will allow you to place the pitches has an irregular shape, about 28 feet long in one spot and about 34 feet long in the other. How many trees and bushes must you hack in order to create your horseshoe pitches?


None. You will invent a new game that involves a trapezoidal sandbox, horse shoes, and a gerbil. It will sweep the Internet and then go the way of pet rocks.

7. You weigh 200 pounds. Six months ago you weighed 180 pounds. How many calories did you consume during those six months?


I’m taking the 5th.


How many Hostess Sno-Balls is that?


Google: Buffalo Blizzard of ’77


How many hours of bicycling would it take to drop to 180 pounds again?


Google: Lance Armstrong – France


How many Patrick O’Brian novels could you listen to during that time?


All of them. Twice. Then you could dictate the entire series with lively inflection.

On 10 November 2004 (11:23 AM),
Betsy said:

I hate math.

However, I know the answer to the first one, as I also had a big old house with several uninsulated areas. Notice the past tense in the previous sentence…

Depending on the outside temperature (a statistic you cleverly left out), it will take between 1-4 hours for the house to approach room temperature.

If I were you, I’d program the thermostat for a minimum degree for specific times of the day instead…my old thermostat let me specify a temperature for 4 times of the day – I picked 5 am, 8 am (when we’d all be out of the house), 4 pm and 9 pm, and programmed in temperatures accordingly.

On 10 November 2004 (12:04 PM),
al said:

I must insist that you stop referring to yourself as middle-aged. Boo. Hiss.

On 10 November 2004 (12:14 PM),
Amy Jo said:

I concur. We are defintely not midde-aged. We have at least 10 years to go before we hit middle age.

On 10 November 2004 (02:12 PM),
Tiffany said:

The average life span of a white, male living in the US is 73 years old. The average life span of a while female is 79 years old. So, J.d. is not quite mid-age, but pretty dam close.

On 10 November 2004 (03:16 PM),
Mom (Sue) said:

Regarding what you say about being in a period of low self-esteem and self-loathing, maybe it’s an inevitable “mom” reaction, but I feel I have to tell you that you are one of the finest human beings I know. I’m proud to have given birth to you. I feel this way about all three of you boys. As to mid-life, I watched your dad go through it, and we both survived. :-)

On 11 November 2004 (07:08 AM),
Joel said:

Excellent arithmetic, Drew. And delivered with such clarity that none of it needed further explanation, at least to me.

And JD, let me assert that I also think you are a fine human being, and I never regret my decision to carry you to term.

On 11 November 2004 (07:43 AM),
Dana said:

You would be an even better person than you already are if you stopped smoking…

On 11 November 2004 (08:03 AM),
J.D. said:

Here’s a rant re: smoking.

I am an adult. I am an intelligent adult. I was raised in a non-smoking household. When I was a kid, I didn’t know anybody who smoked. For thirty-five years, I’ve been taught about the dangers of smoking. I understand the risks. Any educated person my age knows the risks.

Many people who smoke do so because they made foolish choices as teenagers, choices that led to an addiction. They’re hooked. They try to quit but can’t. This is a problem.

I am not one of these people.

Might I become addicted? Sure. It’s possible. But at present I smoke my pipe — and I never smoke anything but my pipe — maybe one day a week. I like the taste, I enjoy the process, and I especially revel in the camaraderie when I share a smoke with a friend.

I like to smoke my pipe.

It’s a conscious choice, one that I make knowing the inherent risks.

I do not need anyone haranguing me to stop smoking. These admonitions are arrogant and condescending. They presuppose I’m some sort of idiot.

Kris, my loving wife, hasn’t said anything, though I’m sure she disapproves. I believe she recognizes that to scold me would be futile. (Though she’s not afraid to berate me for smoking in the house.)

I appreciate your concern, but please cease your pleas to get me to stop smoking.

You’re wasting your time and annoying the pig.

On 11 November 2004 (08:16 AM),
Lisa said:

All good questions. I often get caught in similar loops, because there really are answers for most of them.

If it’s any help, Brideshead Revisited is faster once you get out of the prologue. That just about killed it for me.

Also, perhaps you should start requiring the use of someone’s bathtub when you visit for dinner.

Robbed!

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. This morning, I seem to be in the depths of mental illness, as evidenced by this interview with myself.

J: Good morning, J.D. How are you today?
D: Not so good. I think I was robbed last night.
J: Robbed!?! That’s not good.
D: No, it’s not. When I got in my car this morning, things were missing.
J: I’m sorry, man. How’d the crook get into your car. Wasn’t it locked?
D: I think so.
J: You think so?
D: Well, I park it on the side of the street, right? And I lock it every night after I get the mail. I don’t recall doing anything different last night, though maybe I did.
J: Maybe?
D: Yeah. It was trash day, so I had to drag the containers back behind the outbuildings. When I came back to get the stuff out of the car, I got the mail first. And then when I’d gathered everything, my hands were full with a footstool, my backpack, and a pack of Hostess Sno-Balls.
J: Mmm. I love Sno-Balls.
D: Me too. Anyhow, I’m pretty sure I locked the car, but maybe I didn’t.
J: Was it locked this morning?
D: I think so.
J: You think so?
D: Well, yeah. I don’t know for sure. In the morning, I walk down the sidewalk and as I come down the steps to the street, I unlock the car with the remote. The car made the same unlocking noise as usual today, so I think it had been locked.
J: Then how did the crook get in.
D: I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t lock it.
J: What’d the bastard take?
D: My brown Pendleton hat, my CD-visor, my Patrick O’Brian CDs.
J: Which O’Brian book were you reading. Er, auditing.
D: The Mauritius Command. And it was just getting good! Stupid old Clonfert’s eye was dangling out.
J: Gross. How many CDs were in the CD-visor?
D: Maybe a dozen. And they were good ones, too!
J: Wow. What did you have? U2? Jet? The Decemberists?
D: No, no. I don’t carry pre-recorded CDs with me in the car. I only carry mixes I’ve made. So the visor had all three of my vintage mixes (which include pop songs from the 1950s), my Mexican mix, my funk mix, my ambient mix, my two “clinging to vinyl” mixes, and so on. Lots of great stuff.
J: Er, this is great stuff?
D: It is to me. I worked hard on those CDs, and now they’re gone. Which bums me out because I don’t have those playlists recorded anywhere. I had the visor upstairs so that I could re-create the playlists in iTunes, but I hadn’t gotten around to it yet.
J: So where’s the visor?
D: Upstairs. In the media room.
J: But I thought you just said it was stolen.
D: Hm. I guess I’m not sure where it is. Maybe it wasn’t stolen.
J: Uh-huh.
D: Well, it’s hard to keep track sometimes. The media room’s a mess right now because I’m still in the midst of my ironing project.
J: Ironing project?
D: Yes. I’m ironing nearly every piece of clothing I own. It makes it difficult to find a place to put anything. Or to know what’s there. Last night Kris and I watched a Netflix movie, and I had to scrunch around a pile of clothes. And I couldn’t put my feet up because my hat was in the way.
J: Which hat?
D: My brown one. The Pendleton one.
J: The one that was stolen?
D: Er…I’m not sure. Maybe it wasn’t my hat on the coffee table. Maybe it was something else.
J: …
D: I mean I looked for my brown hat when I left this morning, but I didn’t see it.
J: Where did you look?
D: Just downstairs in the mudroom.
J: …
D: sigh
J: Do me a favor, will you? Go out to the CBS sales car and tell me what’s on the front seat.

…time passes…

D: Look! Look! It’s my Patrick O’Brian CDs!
J: …
D: Hm. I guess I should call Kris and tell her not to worry. Maybe my car wasn’t robbed after all.
J: Right. And after that, why not call a shrink. Your memory problems seem to be morphing into something a little bit stranger. I mean, you’re writing a weblog entry in which you talk to yourself.

In other news: I saw a dead skunk on the road this morning, about a half mile from the office. This filled me with excitement. Might it be possible that this was my skunk? Might it be possible that my office wouldn’t smell of musk and decay this morning.

No, it would not be possible. That would be hoping too much.

Comments

On 09 November 2004 (10:07 AM),
Joel said:

Clonfort, the ultimate foil for Jack.
Hey, remember that one time we went to play Bingo?! You do? See, you remember the important things.

On 09 November 2004 (10:25 AM),
Dana said:

At this rate you’re going to be as addled as I am, JD. =)

On 09 November 2004 (10:43 AM),
Drew said:

Just back away slowly everyone…

On 09 November 2004 (04:45 PM),
Kris said:

I wonder if anyone noticed that this is the same ironing project you first mentioned on October 19th! Yes, attentive readers, Jd’s clothes have been in piles on the floor, futon, & ironing board for three entire weeks now. Maybe I’ll steal them!

On 09 November 2004 (05:10 PM),
Dave said:

It may be, Kris, that he wouldn’t notice. After all, doesn’t he have an entire closet full of brand new, never before worn, Costco clothing that’s just waiting to be brought out and ironed?

On 10 November 2004 (08:16 AM),
the skunk under your office said:

It takes real talent to make DSL run like NetZero dial-up.

On 10 November 2004 (08:45 AM),
Tiffany said:

When I was in college, our house got broken into and things (guitar, video camera, cordless phone, etc) were stolen. Then I walked in the house, I noticed that the phone was moved (or gone) but I did not think much of it because Rich was doing renovations and I figured that he has just moved the phone out of his way. I got some food and set down, finally noticing that Rich’s guitar was missing. Again, I did not think much of it; he had taken the guitar to work before or it could be upstairs. It was not until I noticed the muddy, dog-footprints up the stairs that I figured out something was wrong. I never let the dogs in the house with muddy paws. I started looking around any noticed more things missing. After being home for about an hour, I finally figured out that someone had been in our house (and let the dogs run around while they were stealing things).